


Hishel

by EmeraldChick96



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Grief/Mourning, Sick Spock (Star Trek), Spock Needs a Hug (Star Trek)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-14 07:20:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 47
Words: 45,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29292018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmeraldChick96/pseuds/EmeraldChick96
Summary: Hishel is the Vulcan word for mentally or emotionally disruptive or upsetting condition occurring in response to adverse external influences. Spock is feeling hishel when his mother dies, and the strain will not go away, no matter what he does. As hishel begins to take a toll on his body, Spock begins to fall ill, but he refuses to admit it to his captain and crew. When he begins to develop a string of illnesses because of the stress, he learns that it is best to admit that you need help, than to suffer alone.
Relationships: Spock/Nyota Uhura
Comments: 50
Kudos: 31





	1. Chapter 1

Spock awakened at 0545 precisely but felt a little rested. He got up from his bed and made it like he always did, and sat in the center of the bed crossed legged for morning meditation. As he meditated for exactly fifteen minutes, he had images floating through his mind. Vulcan in ruin, his parents and the rest of the Vulcan elders in the temple, the cliff where his mother fell, Spock remembered it all, he had a perfect memory. Today’s stardate is 2259.42, the anniversary of the destruction of Vulcan and the death of his mother. His human half wanted to stay in bed and mourn this day, but his other half knew better. It was just another day.

As Spock breathed and meditated, he assessed his body. He was tired. Probably from working a double shift yesterday, and he had a headache, which could be caused by the constant staring of screens. Jim had offered him the day off to rest, but he had taken a double shift today as well. Anything to get his mind off the events of last year. He had carefully calculated this and started double shifts three days ago. He would continue for another three days. When he was done the week memorializing his mother's death would be gone, and all a distant memory. It was the only logical solution to the emotions he was dealing with.

The timer beeped again, indicating Spock had meditated for fifteen minutes. He got off his bed and dressed in his blue uniform. As he dressed and looked in the mirror to see that everything was in order, he fondly remembered that his mother liked him in blue. Shaking his head of his irrational thoughts he pinned on his star fleet insignia, and grabbed his communicator, and headed to Deck E for the dining mess.

* * *

Spock pushed around his eggs, bacon, and toast, not feeling really hungry because of his upset stomach, although logic dictated that he must eat something. Bowing to the inevitable, he shoveled a bite of eggs into his mouth and washed it down with water. His stomach hesitantly accepted the nourishment, and he repeated the process.

“Is this seat taken?” came Nayota’s voice.

Spock did not look at her but simply shook his head as he concentrated on finishing his meal so that he could get to duty.

Nyota sat down beside him gracefully and their thighs touched each other. Spock straightened at the touch and looked around to see if anyone had noticed their exchange. Although he was thankful for Nyota’s comfort, in particular on this day, he was still the First Officer, and there were rules.

“Did you sleep well last night?” Nyota asked, peppering her omelet.

“Hardly,” he said, warily. “You?”

“I slept fine,” she said. “I missed you.”

Spock fought hard to show the human response of blushing from Nyota’s innuendo that they were sleeping together. It was hardly against regulations, nor was it anyone’s business, but he was not particularly fond of discussing intercourse over the breakfast table.

“And I you,” he said, finally. “Particularly last night.”

“I don’t get it. What happened? You said you did not want me over.”

It was illogical for Spock to want Nyota physically, and dismiss the idea of being intimate with her, but that is precisely what he did. Last night, he was so beside himself with grief that he was too ashamed of himself to share her company, in fact, he wept for his mother like a child, and he suspected he would again tonight.

“You misunderstand. I do not want to be parted from you, but it is logical for us to be parted for a short time. But soon that time will pass.”

“Is it because I am human?” she whispered, looking down at her hands. “Is this some purification ritual?”

Shocked that she would suggest that, Spock had half a mind to kiss her in the middle of the mess hall, but he restrained himself. Instead, he stroked her cheek to her chin and then tilted her face up to him, something he had seen Kirk do with women and assumed it was affectionate.

“Nyota, your astuteness always surprises me. This is a, to use your term, “purification ritual”, in a way. But not for you, for me. I will explain everything when it has come to pass.”

“Are you okay?”

“I will be.”

She kissed him on the cheek, and they finished their meal in comfortable silence.

Spock’s assumption that food would alleviate his stomachache and headache was misguided. On top of nausea, he was now experiencing belly pains. He had felt this before as some sort of reaction to what happened after the loss of Vulcan but today it was becoming unbearable. 

“Mr. Spock!” came Kirk’s voice.

“Yes, Captain,” Spock replied.

“What is our status on the unidentified planet?”

“It seems to be a class M planet that has yet to be identified by Star Fleet.”

“Are you picking up any communication, Lieutenant?” asked Kirk.

“No, Captain,” said Nyota. 

“Alright,” said Kirk. “I suggest we assemble a team and go check this sucker out. I want Uhura, Spock, Bones, and Chekov with me.”

“Comin’,” said Lenord.

“Right away, Captain,” said Checkov.

Spock stood up to get out of his chair, and suddenly felt a sense of light-headedness and dizziness. The Bridge spun around him and he tried to focus on a particular thing, but it was all moving. He felt like he was going to become nauseous and he tried very hard to keep what little contents of his stomach inside himself.

“Lenord,” he whispered, although he believed he was shouting.

“Spock you alright?” asked Jim.

“I believe I require your assistance,” Spock said.

“Help me Numar!” shouted Jim, and a male Trill security officer ran and caught Spock by the shoulders and together he and Jim slumped him down into the chair. McCoy and Nyota both ran over to him. McCoy got out his tricorder and ran it over Spock's head to get a reading.

“No fever. Blood pressure’s normal. Breathing normal. Pulse is high. We gotta get him to MedBay.” He hit his insignia. “McCoy to MedBay I need a stretcher to bridge.”

“We are coming, sir.”

They all huddled around the fallen Science Officer, confused as to what happened.


	2. Chapter 2

Jim was sitting in the lobby of the Medbay waiting for someone to come out and tell him what was going on with Spock.

“Damn you, Spock! You are going to do what you're told or I am gonna put a guard on you!” yelled McCoy.

“They’re at it again,” said Jim, sighing as he stood up and walked towards where McCoy was yelling at the sick Vulcan. When he got there he saw that McCoy was beat red, and Spock looked like he was about to pass out again. “Bones, what are you yelling at a sick person for?”

“He did this to himself!”

“What?!”

“He woke up this morning with stomach pain, nausea, and a headache and did not report to the sickbay!”

Jim raised his eyebrow and looked at the first officer. “Is this true, Spock?”

“I thought I could do my duty since I suspected that all of my symptoms were psychosomatic.”

“Psychosomatic, my ass,” said McCoy, “You passed out.”

“Wait, what made you think this was psychosomatic?” asked Jim. “Why would you be having psychosomatic nausea?”

“It is illogical sir.”

“Spock, you passed out. You were feeling sick and you didn’t go to sickbay because you thought it was all in your head. Now, why did you think it was psychosomatic?”

“Wait, Kirk, you have been captain a year,” said McCoy. “I was going to take you out for a drink tonight. Our first mission…”

“Vulcan,” said Kirk. “Your mom.”

“Precisely,” said Spock.

Jim ran his fingers through his golden hair. “Damn, Spock, why didn't you say something?”

“It is illogical for me to feel this way.”

“Spock I don’t celebrate my birthday because my dad died saving me. My mom gave up by the time I was ten. When Bones found out he took me out drinking every year, at least it was something. Anniversary of the death of a loved one is really hard, and you need your friends.”

“Friends?”

“Yes!” cried Jim nodding. “Me, Bones, Uhura, Scotty, Chekov, Sulu. We are all a family and family is there for you when you are down.”

“Vulcans don't feel ‘down’, Captain.”

“Spock your grieving,” said McCoy. “And you are getting physically sick. You need to get it out of you. What will make you feel better? And I don't mean the Vulcan side of you, what would make the human side of you feel better?”

“Vulcans don't grieve, doctor.”

“Well, pretend you're half-human.”

“I am half-human.”

“Oh my god,” cried McCoy and grabbed Jim’s arm.

“Spock,” said Jim, “Do you remember our fight on the bridge after your mother died?”

“Jim,” breathed Spock, “you promised to never bring that up.” 

“I know, I know. I am not yelling at you,” said Jim. He sighed. “Listen, I think you were bottling everything up and then I pushed you over the edge and you exploded. You do that. You bottle everything up, and then you explode. And this time maybe you just haven't exploded right or maybe you're scared we are gonna do something to you, so you're bottling a lot up, and it’s making you sick, physically.”

“It is impossible for someone to explode. I am late for duty,” said Spock and he got up and walked away.

* * *

Nyota snuck up on her boyfriend in the officers’ lounge and placed a drink in front of him.

“Hey,” she said. “How are you feeling?”

“I don’t think alcohol will help.”

“It’s ginger ale. My mom gave it to me all the time when I had a stomachache as a kid. Try it.”

Spock took a tentative sip and wrinkled his nose. 

Nyota laughed, “You have the best facial expressions.”

Spock raised an eyebrow.

“You were quiet today,” she observed.

“I know.”

“Let’s go to dinner.”

“I don't think I should.”

“Right your stomach. Do you want to go get in bed? Just get the whole day over with.”

Spock shook his head. “If I go to bed now I will have ten hours of sleep and that will be five hours in REM sleep. I will be subjected to several villainous fantasies.”

Nyota looked at him like he was speaking Greek, and Spock smiled at himself. He did just get a little theatrical. 

“I try to go to bed as late as I possibly can while still getting my rest because I have nightmares,” he explained.

“About your mother?”

“Actually, lately it’s just been the planet and Nero,” said Spock. Running his fingers through his hands he said, “God, I got to relive that again. Tomorrow is going to be hell!”

Shocked at Spock’s use of profanity, not the vulgarity just that SPOCK said profanity, Nyota twisted her arm around her boyfriend and gave him a kiss on the lips.

“Would talking to someone help, your dad or Spock Prime?”

“In a way, neither of them can understand. Spock Prime grieved his mother from the future when she died of natural causes and the planet from believing it was revenge from a disturbed Romulan. And my father is purely Vulcan. He has a whole different way of grieving my mother. It’s not that he would have disdain for my reaction, but he would not be able to understand it.”

Nyota sighed. “Then maybe you should go to Bones.”

“I still can't tell when you're joking.”

“I am being serious. He is kind of the ship’s… counselor. Maybe you should go talk to him.”

“It’s illogical. Leonard is very busy, and so am I. Besides, I will be cataloguing artifacts all day tomorrow. There will be no time to see him.”

“Spock, I don't want you working yourself to death tomorrow. It’s not good for you. You passed out today. I pulled your logs, you have been working double shifts for two weeks. Is the goal to get yourself so exhausted you can’t think about it?”

“Yes,” whispered Spock.

“You're taking the day off,” said Nyota. “And you're going to see Bones.”

  
“Okay.”   



	3. Chapter 3

Despite Nyota telling him that he was taking the day off, Spock had every intention of working through his appointment with Bones the next day. He was deep in the science labs of the enterprise, in a lab by himself, and he had turned off his communicator so no one could bother him. He was supposed to meet Dr. McCoy at four o’clock sharp, and Spock worked until a security officer, he assumed it was a security officer, entered the room at eight o’clock at night.

“I found him sir, Deck seven, Lab F,” said the security guard.

“Keep him there,” came Kirk. “If he tries to run, stun his ass.”

Spock ignored the going on and continued with his work. In about ten minutes, Kirk, McCoy, and Nyota came into the room.

“Spock,” said Kirk, “I am going to kill you and then I am going to demote you!”

“An illogical sequence of actions, Captain,” said Spock, calmly.

“We were supposed to meet four hours ago,” said McCoy. “Do you like wasting my time, you pointy eared bastard?”

“Reverting to name calling does not make me want to talk, doctor,” said Spock.

“Spock,” said Nyota. “We had an agreement and Vulcans honor their word.”

“I am half human,” replied Spock.

“I am putting you on medical leave, Spock,” said Bones “effective immediately.”

“Okay,” said Kirk, “Hang on. Spock what is going on? You have an illness that is happening because you're upset. You will feel better when you talk about it. You’re not talking about it. That’s illogical. Help me understand.”

Spock shook his head.

“Spock, you either got to talk to us or develop a drinking habit,” said Kirk.

“It’s illogical.”

“It’s okay. Nothing bad is going to happen to you if you are illogical.”

“That’s not true,” said Spock, looking at the specimen and putting them in the correct bins. “I was bullied at school for being illogical. I lost the Enterprise for being illogical. I must never be illogical!”

“Spock,” said Bones. “We don't love you because you're logical. We love you in spite of it.”

“Wait a minute,” said Nyota. “Spock, look at me.”

Spock put down another specimen, and turned to her.

“You are acting logically because it is the only way you don’t get hurt.”

Spock nodded.

“Baby, do you think I am going to hurt you?”

“Statistically speaking, yes.”

Nyota sighed, “Okay we need to work on that,” she mumbled.

“Spock, follow my logic,” said Jim. “You lost your planet and your mother, true or false?”

“True,” said Spock

“And we had a very upsetting confrontation where you were demoted, true or false?”

“True.”

“And you are having nightmares, true or false?”

“True.”

“And you are having an upset stomach, to the point you're not eating, true or false?”

“True.”

“And you passed out, true or false?”

“True.”

“So would a logical conclusion be that you are grieving?”

“Yes.”

“And you need to talk to someone?”

“Yes.”

“And you're going to talk to Bones?”

“No.”

“Spock!”

Spock took a deep breath and looked at the ground. “It’s not a preferable action,” he mumbled.

“Spock your options are: talk to Bones, or be on leave of duty until you decide to talk to Bones.”

“That is illogical Captain, as my symptoms are not that disruptive to my daily functioning.”

“Spock you were so afraid of your nightmares that you worked double shifts for two weeks straight, and on top of that had such a bad stomach ache, you didn’t eat and you passed out. You're lucky that is all that happened to you,” cried Jim.

“I weighed my options carefully,” said Spock.

“You’re not acting rationally,” said Jim.

“I. Am. Not. Talking. About. It.” cried Spock.

“Spock,” said Bones, “you’re getting so pissed your hands are shaking.”

“I am not angry!” yelled Spock.

“Spock, we are trying to help,” said Nyota.

“Spock,” said Jim. “It is 20’00 hours what possible reason do you have for working right now?”

“I’m not done.”

“You gonna work ‘til midnight? How is this logical Spock?”

“I’m fine.”

“No you're not,” said Bones. “You're not making sense Spock. And this is outside of your normal not making sense.

“Spock you are going to get a physical from Bones and talk to Bones, or I am going to have a little talk with Ambassador Spock on New Vulcan,” said Jim. “And if that doesn’t work, I am going to have a little talk with Ambassador Sarek. Would you like that?”

“No,” said Spock.

“Then pack up. Eat something. Go to bed. Physical at 0900 tomorrow. And Psychiatric Analysis at 1500, and you're a Vulcan so you can’t be late. Or so help me I am hailing both of them.”

“If I may adapt a human vocabulary, if I don't see the doctor, you're going to ‘tell on me’?”

“Yep.”

Spock raised his eyebrow, like ‘that is beneath you, Jim.’

“You are backing me into a corner,” cried Jim.

“Curious expression, seeing how you are the Captain with all of the options.”

“You don’t listen to me Spock. I am praying that you listen to one of them.”

“Jim, you are asking me to be emotional.”

“I know. But it is so you can feel better.”

Spock let out a very human sigh. “Very well,” he whispered. “I will do as you request.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> According to Memory Alpha they had psychotropic drugs that could be used on all species. I am kind of making stuff up. Sorry. If you have a better idea PM me.

Spock woke up from another nightmare, at around 0600 in the morning, to the sound of someone in his quarters. He grabbed his phaser and stalked carefully towards the noise. The door opened to his kitchenette, and he pointed his phaser to Nyota making something on the stove.

Nyota laughed at him. “Did you think someone broke in to force-feed you breakfast?”

“To be honest, I was unsure of what was occurring,” said Spock.

Still giggling, Nyota said, “Oatmeal, toast, applesauce, and juice. Sorry, I don’t know what Vulcans eat on an upset stomach.”

“It is an unappetizing mixture of medicine. I am grateful for my human heritage in this instance.”

“Oh good,” she said and came and kissed him. “Good morning.”

He stared down into her eyes, “Hello.” He kissed her back. “I apologize. This week has made me a little… uneasy.”

“Spock, you never have to apologize for being affectionate. Human women like that.”

“Interesting.”

“Eat. You got to go see McCoy in about an hour for your physical.”

“This whole thing is illogical. I am perfectly healthy.”

“The anniversary was yesterday and your sugar dropped so low you passed out. I think having a physical and talking to someone might be good for you.”

“I fell ill. End of discussion.”

“Spock, I bet it was a hard day for your dad too. For all Vulcans. It’s okay.”

“No. I’m fine,” said Spock, getting up to change.

“You didn’t eat!” cried Nyota.

Spock came back, took a slice of toast, bit off a small piece, and threw it into the garbage. Nyota dropped her head into her hands. What was she going to do with him?

* * *

Spock laid in the cradle of one of the triage sick bay areas, and McCoy ran the machine to get Spock’s vital signs. Since the Vulcan was the dominant gene of Spock, he had the Vulcan factors.

“Temperature normal,” said Bones. “Pulse good. Respiration even. Blood pressure fine.”

“I’m fine,” said Spock sitting up.

“Slow down there partner. Lay back down. I’m doing a brian scan.”

Spock sighed but obeyed.

“Your Cortisol is elevated. Actually by a lot.”

“I’m confused.”

“Here, sit up.”

Spock did what he was told.

“Your brain is still in shock of what happened to Vulcan and your mom. That is why you are feeling so shitty.”

“That’s illogical. And I don't feel ‘shitty’.”

“Look the Vulcan part of you wants to stuff all of the human part of you feelings down and pretend they don't exist. And calling yourself illogical for feeling this way isn’t making you better.”

“What do you suggest, roaming through the halls weeping?”

“I suggest calling a spade a spade. You're upset, and your body is reacting to it. If you just get it out, scream, throw something, choke Kirk again.”

“Please don’t mention that,” said Spock, looking down. “I hate the way I acted that day.”

“He was the one being an ass.”

“But I shouldn’t have gotten that upset.”

“Spock, you are allowed to grieve your mom.”

Spock got up to leave.

“Hey, hey,” said McCoy getting his way, “Spock, look at me.”

Spock looked up at the doctor, and McCoy thought for once Spock had the most sad eyes he had ever seen. All the smart-ass wisdom, at least what McCoy attributed as smart-ass wisdom, was gone from Spock eyes replaced with a never-ending sea of pain and hopelessness.

“Talk to me, Spock. You are half human and you are surrounded by humans. Why is it logical to keep things bottled up?”

“It’s a trick,” said Spock.

“What’s a trick?”

“I can’t ever show emotion.”

“Why?”

“Because then…”

“What?”

“I am neither human nor vulcan and therefore have no place in this galaxy.”

“What?”

“I am the child of a traitor and a whore.”

“Whoa. Spock where are you getting this from?”

“My friends. It was their thirty-fifth attempt to elicit an emotional response from me.”

“Someone tried to make you angry thirty five times?”

“There were three of them.”

“Spock that is not a friend, that’s a bully.”

“You are my friends and you try to elicit emotional responses from me.”

Bones stepped back. “Okay, you don’t see the difference between Vulcan kids who want to make you cry so they can flaunt their authority over you, and your friends who want to see you laugh?”

“It is both emotional responses.”

“Well, we gotta fix that. Spock, you know, Kirk messed with you that day because Spock Prime told him to.”

“I know. I bear no ill will. I am just...disappointed with myself that he was successful with his efforts.”

“You are disappointed with yourself that you were grieving your mom. Spock, why do you think no one stopped you? We were considering helping you but you had it handled. Jim needed his ass handed to him for what he said to you.”

“It was an uncivilized irrational response.”

“Spock, sometimes you are going to be irrational. It’s okay.”

“Are we finished?”

“I think you are experiencing psychosomatic symptoms. You are suffering from grief. And the fact that it has been a year means that you might need medication. I am going to give you a Cortisol shot and we are going to follow up next week.”

“Unnecessary,” said Spock.

“Spock, it won't affect your performance, and it might make you feel better. Just relax, okay.” McCoy got the needle ready, but Spock jumped out of the cradle.

“No!” cried Spock.

“Spock, it won't hurt if you relax your arm.”

“You misunderstand. I don’t object to the pain; I object to the proceeding.”

“Why?”

“It’s illogical.”

“Spock.”

“I was required to submit to an examination. I was not required to take any psychiatric medicine. I’ll see myself out. Thank you doctor.”

“Spock, your taking your medicine! Spock! Come back here you pointy eared bastard!”

But Spock was gone.


	5. Chapter 5

Spock stepped onto the bridge and went to his station like he was fine. In fact, he had a horrible headache and a bad stomachache again, but he ignored it and started looking at the data and tried to make his mind work. No one made any mention of his absence or his peculiar illness, except Nyota glanced his way and smiled, and he nodded, which he explained to her years ago that was returning the gesture.

All was quiet and running smoothly until Jim’s communicator beeped.

“Kirk,” said Jim.

“Is that green-blooded goblin on deck?!” cried McCoy.

“Yeah,” said Jim.

“Tell him to report his pointy ears down to SickBay NOW! I wasn’t finished.”

“I’m on it,” said Jim. “I’ll escort him personally.”

“Thank you!” The communicator beeped off.

“Spock, let’s go,” said Jim calmly.

Spock got up and walked with Jim to the turbo-lift. As the lift made its way to the medical, Jim assessed Spock. Suddenly, he stopped the lift.

“Do you want to tell me your version, because you know Bones has some sort of story,” said Jim.

Spock sighed, “The doctor diagnosed me with… a human disorder, and I felt uncomfortable taking medicine.”

“What human disorder?”

“He said my Cortisol is highly elevated.”

“So, hormones. What does Cortisol do?”

“The human brain, so my brain produces a hormone called adrenocorticotropic that produces the flight or fight response. Adrenocorticotropic go from the pituitary gland to the adrenal gland, which produces cortisol. Cortisol then enters the body to create the sensations of grieving. When the Cortisol levels do not alleviate, the body can fall ill.”

“No, English Spock!”

“Basically, when I got upset after the loss of Vulcan I had a chemical reaction in my brain. Under normal circumstances, the reaction alleviates, mine hasn’t and I am falling ill.”

“So you’re depressed, but not normal depression, it’s grief. Like the five stages.”

“Yes.”

“I paid attention in Psych 101,” beamed Kirk. Then he sobered up, “Can they do something about it?”

“Dr. McCoy said I can take medicine.”

“Great.”

“No, it is illogical.”

“Okay, now I get it.” Jim punched the turbo-lift to the Sickbay. When they got there they saw Bones talking to a security guard.

“There he is,” said Bones. “I have half a mind to stun your ass, so I can give you your medicine.”

“Okay,” said Jim, “Calm down this is not the wild west. Can we talk to you in private, Bones?”

“Fine,” and Bones lead the way to his personal office, let them all in, and shut the door. “Why are you on Spock’s side, Jim? You’re always on Spock’s side.”

“I’m not on anyone’s side,” said Jim. “Look this is a misunderstanding. You’re a doctor, he’s sick, he needs medicine, he doesn’t want medicine, so you’re angry. That makes sense, Bones.”

“Thank you,” said Bones.

“Spock also has a fair argument. He’s half-Vulcan, half-human, people are always telling him to pick a side, he picked Vulcan, sort of. Now he has a human condition, he doesn’t want to acknowledge it, and especially take medicine for it. If he would admit he had feelings, he would be… humiliated? That a good word?”

“Yes,” mumbled Spock.

“So we are going to come up with a solution where we can keep Spock healthy in a way that would respect his heritage so he will actually go through with the treatment.”

No one said anything for a minute.

“Well you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink, what makes you say that Spock will even go to treatment, to begin with?” asked Bones.

“These psychosomatic pains are what I perceive to be the beginning of a turbulent year,” said Spock, “and last was not without its consequences. It is logical to get better, I simply protest the notion of being subjected to drugs and labeled ‘clinically depressed’.”

“Because your father would disapprove.”

“Every Vulcan would disapprove.”

“Question,” said Jim. “These are the Vulcan who call you a bastard and the kindest word is ‘mock’ your mother, why do you care what they think?”

“I don’t,” said Spock. “To use a human colloquium, the Vulcans can ‘kiss my ass’. But they respect my father. I will not humiliate him any further than I already have.”

“You think your father would be ashamed to have a son on medicine for depression?”

“Precisely,” said Spock.

“Here is an idea,” said Bones. “Lie.”

“Vulcans can not lie,” said Spock.

“What if we hailed your father and asked for his guidance on the logical proceeding to go about this?” said Jim. “If he has a different solution than depression medication, I am all for it.”

“I’d rather not do that,” said Spock.

“We will do it in my quarters. Just me, Bones, you, and Nyota.”

“No,” Spock sighed. “I haven’t spoken to my father since my mother’s death.”


	6. Chapter 6

“You haven’t spoken to your dad in a year?” cried Bones. “If my parents don’t hear from me every six weeks I get a string of angry calls!”

“He has tried to contact me,” said Spock.

“And you’re avoiding him?” asked Jim.

Spock nodded.

“Does he even know that you and Nyota are… ponfaring?” asked Bones.

“Bones, so not the point right now,” cried Jim.

“He knows that Lutient Uhura and I are engaged socially,” said Spock.

“That’s not the same thing,” grinned Bones.

“We are going to your quarters, hailing your dad, and getting permission for you to talk to Bones,” said Jim.

“I’m off duty…” started Spock.

“Now!” cried Jim.

The men left Bones’ office and made their way to the turbolyft. When they got to the correct deck, Spock led his way to his room, and let them all in.

“I don’t feel well,” said Spock. “Can we do this another time?”

“What’s wrong?” asked Bones.

“I feel nauseated.”

“Your palms sweating?”

“Yes.”

“You’re nervous. You’re not going to throw up. Probably.”

They hailed his father, and there was no return signal.

“He’s busy,” said Spock, moving to turn off the conn.

“Give it a minute,” said Kirk, grabbing his hand.

Sarek appeared on the screen. “Spock, Captain Kirk, Dr. McCoy.”

“Ambassador Sarek,” said Jim and Bones.

“Father, I need to talk to you, but if this is an intrusive time we can reconvene,” said Spock.

“It would have been illogical to answer the hail if it was an intrusive time, my son. Please, speak your mind.”

“I don’t know where to start,” confessed Spock.

“From when the series of anomalies occurred, logically.”

“On the anniversary of Vulcan and… Mother’s death, I fell ill. I assumed the illness was psychosomatic due to the date, logically, but by noon, I lost consciousness and was taken to sickbay.”

“Was there an explanation for loss of consciousness?”

“I had stomach issues and did not eat, so I had low blood sugar.”

“On top of that,” said McCoy, “He didn’t want to sleep so he had been taken double shifts for the past two weeks.”

“It’s illogical to abuse your body, Spock. What purpose was this?”

“I was having nightmares.”

“So the logic was to get so exhausted your REM cycle was short, thus limiting the nightmares.”

“Yes.”

“Were you successful?”

“No.”

“Then was it logical to continue to abuse your body if you were still having consequences?”

“No.”

“So you are asking if it is logical to eat or sleep?” asked Sarek raising an eyebrow.

“No father. Dr. McCoy examined me and he thinks that I am having an emotional response.”

“A reaction to your mother’s death.”

Spock nodded.

“The doctor is making a hypothesis that if I discuss what happened a year ago, my apatite will return, and my sleep schedule will resume.”

“A logical hypothesis.”

“Really?”

“I have often told you that you are a child of two world’s Spock. I have tried to get you to choose one world or another, but in reality, it is to your betterment to marry the two, meaning you must process what happened to Vulcan and your mother logically and emotionally. You have processed it as a Vulcan, logically. You have investigated the culprit, analyzed the situation, and learned from your experience where your place is in the crew and in life in a way. But you have yet to process it as a human. If you are in fact falling ill because you have failed to do this, logic dictates it must be done immediately.”

“I would think you would be ashamed of me for having this reaction.”

“Spock, when I married your mother, I knew our child would be an emotional being. Logic dictates that if I was ashamed of that concept, I would not have gone through with it.”

“If I agree to undergo this treatment, it will be impossible to be a good Vulcan while in these sessions.”

Sarek cocked his head. “Let us undergo a simple logical exercise, Spock. What are you trying to accomplish?”

“Feel well enough to do my duties as the first officer.”

“Very well. What tools do you require to achieve that accomplishment?”

“Rest, nourishment, exercise, and a sound mind.”

“What do you lack?”

“At the moment, everything.”

“Is there a way to obtain these?”

“A possibility is meeting with Doctor McCoy.”

“Therefore, logically speaking you must be emotional.”

“Fascinating.”

“Quite.”

“So, you gonna agree to go?” asked Jim.

“Yes,” agreed Spock.

“Oh my god,” said Jim. “Ambassador Sarek, I can’t tell you how grateful I am.”

“I would like to express gratitude that my son has friends.”

“Now I just have to makes sure Bones and Spock don’t kill each other.”

“Take away their weapons,” said Sarek deadpanned.

“No, sir. What I meant was… Spock explain it.”

“The ships counselor and I tend to argue a lot, Father,” said Spock. “The expression ‘kill each other’ was a human hyperbole.”

“I see. Spock if you need anything, contact me.”

“Of course.”

Sarek signed off, and the screen shut down.

“Now, will you go?” asked Jim.

“Yes,” said Spock. “I will not disobey my father.”


	7. Chapter 7

“So where do you want to start?” asked Bones.

“It would be preferable to leave,” said Spock.

“How about what happened this morning with your dad? Being told that it’s logical to get some help? You want to start there?”

Spock shook his head.

“Spock if you stare at me for an hour I am gonna make you come back.”

“What is the objective?”

“Make you feel better.”

“How does talking make me feel better?”

“Get it out. Get a second opinion. Get your thoughts organized.”

“My thoughts are very organized.”

“Okay, so you are having some physical symptoms that are attributed to grief. Want to talk about it?”

“It’s irrelevant.”

“Spock, I am gonna get you really angry if you don’t open up.”

“It’s impossible to open up, Leonard.”

“Fuck it. What is your first memory of your mother?”

Spock froze as if Bones had slapped him. He breathed real shallow, and his eyes were locked onto Bones as if waiting for the next blow. The room was so quiet you could hear a pin drop.

“How is this relevant?”

“I’ll answer you after you answer me.”

“Permission to be emotionally compromised?”

“I’m not gonna hurt you.”

Spock breathed a few more times, then he pulled his knees into his chest, and wrapped his arms around his torso.

“It’s not a memory,” said Spock. “But I heard the story so many times, I think I remember it. Mother insisted on celebrating Christmas, and we were on earth that year. I was two years of age and I got a mat that had stars on it, and I hopped from star to star like I was exploring. Mother took a video of me. I have a copy, so does my father. We had it at the Earth embassy so it survived Vulcan.”

“That’s a nice memory, Spock. Do you watch the video?”

“Sometimes. To her mother’s voice.”

“How does it make you feel to hear your mom’s voice?”

“I don’t have emotions.”

Bones rolled his eyes. “Pretend you do.”

“That’s illogical.”

“Spock, cooperate or I will put you on leave.”

Spock rocked a little. “I am sad. Does that suffice?”

“Yes.”

“Please answer my inquirm. Why was that relevant?”

“You're grieving your mother. We need to start with her. Tell me about her.”

“No,” choked Spock.

“Spock, come on.”

“Amanda Grayson, born 2210.90, on Earth. Married Vulcan Ambassador Sarek 2230.97 at the age of twenty and moved to Vulcan. Bore a child-”

“What was she like as a person, Spock?”

Spock swallowed hard. “Quiet, kind, smart, loving.”

“She sounds like a good mom.”

“I do not know what are the qualifications to be a “good” mother. But yes, I found her exceptional.”

“You must miss her.”

“Very much,” said Spock, choking up.

“Hey, it’s okay. You're doing good,” praised Bones. “We are going to get into some deep territory. We will take it slow. The anniversary of her death was yesterday. How are you feeling today?”

“Sick.”

“Yeah. What hurts?”

“My head. My stomach. I’m so exhausted, but I am having horrible nightmares. The only solution I can come up with is to work, but even that had unforeseeable consequences.”

“Did you tell anyone that you were sick?”

“No. It’s illogical to be sick over the anniversary of someone's death.”

“Why?”

“Death is natural. It is rejoiced in the Vulcan society.”

“But she didn’t die, she was murdered. How does that make you feel?”

“Emotions are illogical.”

“Spock, come on.”

Spock sighed. “I’m angry.”

“What do you do when you get angry?”

“Nothing.”

“When Jim was goading you, when those kids got to you on Vulcan when you were little, when you got really mad, what did you do?”

“I punched people,” whispered Spock.

“You know what? I punch things when I’m mad. It’s a normal human reaction. It’s okay. We should probably work on punching things instead of people, but it’s okay to lose control.”

“But I am a bad Vulcan.”

“You're a good human. Spock, you know you get your emotional side from your mother right?”

“Yes.”

“Why are you ashamed of it?”

Spock cocked his head. “Your implying being ashamed of my emotions is being ashamed of my human heritage and thus my mother.”

“Yes.”

“I’ve never thought of that. I have tried so hard to be the Vulcan that I am expected to be, I don’t know anything about being human.”

“We tease you all the time, but you have human emotions.”

“Vulcan children have emotions, but when they grow up they partake in the Kolinahr, which is the purging of all emotions. I refused to take part in the Kolinahr because I wanted to honor my mother. My father also refused, when he was my age. He was going to be the ambassador to earth, and he wanted to have emotions to relate to humans. He had the capacity to love when he met my mother.”

“So you were born out of love, not logic.”

“Yes, I suppose I was unique from the beginning.”

“You know being unique is not a bad thing.”

“On Vulcan it is.”

“Well, on earth it’s celebrated. Everyone is trying to be unique.”

“So your premise is by embracing emotions I will feel comforted?”

“Yes.”

“Your logic is flawed.”

“How so?”

“The premise is based on the idea that I have comforting emotions. That when I think of my mother, I have memories of love and happiness. But that is incorrect. All my memories are marred by her death. If I become emotional, I will feel the pain I did when she died. And that is something I do not wish to relive.”

“Spock, you got to work through that.”

“I am under no such obligation. The hour is completed. If you are satisfied, I will return to my duties.”

“Were not done. I want to see you next week.”

“I was required to complete one hour of...discussions with you. I have completed it. I am returning to duty. Good day, doctor,” said Spock.

“Spock, I want to see you next week! And I need to give you a shot! Spock!” But Spock was gone. “Green blooded goblin.”


	8. Chapter 8

Spock was in the lab trying to catalog some artifact that they found on a mission, and he was looking for the correct word to describe it when someone entered his lab.

“Captian,” said Spock.

“Hey, what you got there?”

“An artifact from the jungle class M planet we ventured to last week. I thought it would tell me about the inhabitants.”

“What does it say?”

“I can’t tell, but they appear to be an intelligent species. I was going to enlist Lieutenant Uhura for help.”

“If anyone can figure out what language that is she can.”

“Precisely.”

“Spock, I have to tell you something and you are not going to like it.”

“Making a value judgment on a statement is highly illogical, Jim.”

Jim laughed, “Well at least you feel yourself.” He sighed, “Buddy, Bones put you on medical leave, indefinitely. Sulu is First Officer, and Zola is Science Officer.”

“I don’t understand,” said Spock. “What am I being reprimanded for?”

“We aren’t reprimanding you for anything, Spock. No one is angry. You haven’t broken any rules. You are on medical leave. This is the first anniversary and you are having a hard time, and you don’t want help, and you are getting so sick you are passing out on the bridge. I mean what am I supposed to do?”

“Leave me alone. Logically this happened because of the date when the date passed I will return to proper functioning.”

“First of all, I don’t know that. Second of all, Spock, you can’t starve yourself to passing out every year. That’s insane. That’s illogical. Third of all, you have more dark circles under your eyes than yesterday. I thought Bones ordered you to get some sleep or at least meditate.”

“I see Vulcan,” whispered Spock.

Jim clasped Spock’s shoulder. “I am sorry man,” he whispered. “Look, you need to talk. It’s been a year.”

“Vulcans do not need therapy, Jim.”

“Spock, someday you are going to have to get it in your mind that you are half-human and that is okay with everyone around you.”

“I can not be illogical.”

“Spock, you’re getting sick, and you won’t admit it. You are being illogical.”

Spock shook his head.

“Look, okay, you want to know a secret. I called Spock, the other guy. We need a name for you like my Spock and old Spock or something.”

“Spock Prime.”

“Spock Prime?”

“Or Ambassador Spock. I have never gotten into politics.”

“Ok, I talked to Ambassador Spock Prime, and he said that a lot of Vulcans were getting into this situation. Several of the ones who hadn’t undergone the purge thingy.”

“Kolinahr.”

“Yeah, right. Anyway, he said a lot of the younger ones and the teenagers are getting headaches, fevers, stomachaches, everything. You know what helps them?”

“No.”

“Therapy. A lot of them are getting into music therapy, art therapy, plays. They are expressing their emotions to make them feel better, Spock.”

“Your hypothesis is engaging in an emotional conversation with the doctor every week will alleviate my pain like engaging in the arts alleviate the distress of the Vulcan children?”

“Yes.”

“I also talk to Ambassador Spock. What is the expression? You are lying through your teeth!”

“Spock, what do you want me to do? You are sick and you won’t go to the doctor. I don’t know what to do.”

“We are at what you would call an impasse, Captian.”

“Then you are on medical leave effective immediately. Come on, I’m taking you to SickBay.”

Spock put down his specimen and went with the Captian. Jim walked with Spock quietly through the deck to the turbolyft, and they went to sickbay. Jim watched Spock, who was calm and collected but looked tired and slightly worn-out. Jim wanted to pull Spock into a hug, but he knew Spock would not like the contact, and it would probably embarrass him. Jim lead Spock onto the SickBay floor, where one of the nurses shouted for Bones.

“What have we got here?” asked Bones.

“I don’t know what to do about him. So put him in bed, put a guard on him, and make him eat is the best I came up with,” said Jim.

“Spock, why are you a pain in my ass?” asked Bones.

“I am nowhere near your posterior, Leonard,” said Spock.

Bones rolled his eyes. “Alright trouble maker, come on. And get Nyota down here. She is the only one who can make him do anything.”

Kirk nodded and headed towards the deck. In the elevator, he tapped his communicator and called Scotty.

“Yes, Captain,” said Scotty.

“I need you on the bridge.”

“Be right there.”

When Kirk got on the bridge, he sat in his chair and he waited for Scotty to get here. When Scotty got there, he cleared his throat. 

“Everyone is here except Spock and Bones. The enterprise is like a big family, but these members on this deck are like an immediate family. Many of you were on our maiden voyage to Vulcan last year. Three days ago, it was exactly a year ago. On that mission, Vulcan was destroyed and Spock lost his mother. Spock is suffering and has fallen ill. You all know Spock, he does not like to be down. So if during your off-hours, you feel the inclination to go to him and simply tell him what transpired during duty, I know he would appreciate it. We are trying to get him to talk about his emotions, but he is Vulcan so it is like pulling teeth. If you can approach that topic in a respectful way, that would help too.”

“Is he going to be okay?” asked Sulu.

“Right now, we got to get him to eat. He can’t keep anything on his stomach so he won’t eat anything.”

“Does he want human food or Vulcan food?” asked Sulu.

“Either.”

“I got a recipe for Chicken noodle soup that will make him feel better.”

“Well, get him better,” said Nyota. “We have to.”


	9. Chapter 9

Bones gave Spock a private room in Sickbay. A redshirt brought Spock some books that he had probably memorized by now, but he secretly enjoyed reading. Spock started with Shakespear’s  _ Romeo and Juliet.  _ It was his mother’s favorite book. Also, the main characters were so illogical Spock found it amusing. He quoted it often to Nyota to her delight. The whole play only took him an hour and a half to read, so when he was done, he went to his favorite earth book Plato’s  _ The Republic.  _ The idea of a perfect being and a perfect society was fascinating. And the fact that it was all a metaphor for morality made Spock chuckle.

“Are you reading that book again?” asked Bones.

“It’s fantastic that humans can think like this,” said Spock. “He was almost a Vulcan.”

“You just ruined the Greeks. You got a visitor. Well, several.”

Spock put the book down, and Jim, Nyota, Scotty, Sulu, and Chekov, came in.

“Entertaining yourself?” said Jim.

“He was reading Shakespear earlier,” said Bones, scanning Spocks face.

“How’s he doing?”

“Vitals are stable, but I can’t get him to eat. His blood sugars a little low. He didn’t even touch lunch.”

“Spock,” said Sulu. “Jim told us sort of what is going on. How long have you been sick on your stomach?”

“Food has been repulsive for twenty days now.”

“You haven’t eaten in twenty days!” screamed Bones. “Spock you’ll die!”

“That is a human, doctor. Vulcans can survive longer.”

“I am starting you on IV’s,” said Bones, and he left to go get medical supplies.

Spock sighed.

Nyota came in and kissed him on the lips, and ran her fingers through his hair. “Good book?”

“Quite. I read  _ Romeo and Juliet _ earlier. Humans are so illogical.”

Nyota laughed. “It’s a tragic romance. They love each other, and died over misunderstandings.”

“Preposterous.”

Nyota laughed. “I’ll bring you  _ Taming of the Shrew. _ You will like the mind games.”

“Actually, if I can make a request, I prefer Hamlet. He is grieving his father slain by the sword, and…”

“Yeah, you can read that one,” she said running her fingers through her hair.

“So let me figure this out, Spock,” said Sulu. “You will be damned if you talk about what is making you sick, so you are confined to sickbay?”

Spock cocked his head, “Sort of.”

“Doesn’t that make you… I don’t want to call a Vulcan stupid… illogical.”

“My human nature is making me sick, and to feel better, I have to acknowledge it which would defy my Vulcan nature, which is something I don’t want to do.”

“Why not?” asked Chekov. “You would feel better sir.”   
  


“It is unwise,” whispered Spock.

“Spock why can’t you be a hybrid,” asked Bones. “Why can’t you be half-Vulcan and half-human. You keep wanting to be one all the time.”

“You are neither human nor Vulcan and therefore have no place in this universe,” whispered Spock.

“What?” asked Sulu.

“Children when I was young,” said Spock.

“I’m gonna kill them,” said Nyota.

“They’re already dead,” said Spock.

“Look, Vulcans grieve,” said Sulu.

“That’s right Mr. Spock,” said Chekov, excitedly. “You said that the Vulcans had to heal from the catastrophe of Vulcan and they would have to rebuild. How do Vulcans grieve?”

Spock sighed. “Well, we do believe in having services for the dead. The objective is to maintain complete control of your emotions during the affair. It is best to have the body of the deceased while you are at the funeral proceedings.”

“That’s what you need,” said Jim. “You need to have closure or something like that. We can have a Vulcan funeral.”

“We are having a funeral for a planet?” asked Spock, raising an eyebrow.

“And your mother,” said Nyota.

“We have neither the planet nor the body of my mother,” said Spock.

“Wait,” said Nyota taking off her necklace, and holding it in her hand. “We have a little of both.”

* * *

Spock wanted only the Main Deck crew, Bones, and Scotty to be witnesses to the funeral services. Jim organized for everyone to be dressed in their dress blues, and even Bones complied. All that was there on a raised platform was a little box, with Nyota’s necklace in it, and a small picture of Amanda holding Spock when he was a baby.

Everyone was seated, and Spock rose and went and stood behind the necklace.

“This necklace belonged to my mother,” he said. “My father bestowed it upon her when they were courting. He asked her to marry him and move to Vulcan with her. She said yes. She was hated on Vulcan, mocked, ridiculed, mistreated, but she never left. Even when the planet was dying and there were evacuations I found her in a Vulcan temple praying with my father. She dressed like a Vulcan, ate like a Vulcan, learned to speak like a Vulcan, but she loved like a human.” Spock suddenly felt like he was choking and he swallowed hard. Eventually, he said, “She taught me to love, and because of this love I have a wonderful life with my friends. I am grateful for my mother and my human heritage, and I wish-”

Spock stopped speaking and ran out of the room.


	10. Chapter 10

Everyone was looking for Spock. Jim checked the bridge, Bones checked the MedBay, Uhura and Sulu combed the science labs, Scotty searched engineering, and finally, Chekov found him in his room.

“Mr. Spock, you are supposed to report to the bridge immediately. Everyone is worried about you, sir.”

“I wish to be left alone.”

Chekov nodded and turned toward the door, but then he turned back and said quietly, “Mr. Spock, I want to tell you that I am deeply sorry about what has been going on this week.”

“Feeling sorry for me is not going to alleviate anything, Mr. Chekov.”

“No, Mr. Spock, I do not feel sympathetic, I feel repentant.” Chekov took a deep breath. “I killed your mother. My job was to get everyone on that rock on that pad and I let her die, and now you are sick. I... I don’t know what to do. I should resign.” Then to himself he added, “I will resign. I will go to Russia and build rockets.”

“Chekov, calm down. You are being illogical.”

Chekov took another deep breath and wiped a tear from his eye.

“First of all, I have read your file. You have far too high of an IQ to build rockets in Russia. Second of all, you did not kill my mother, you were unsuccessful to save her. If that was a punishable offense, by your logic, myself, my father, and the surviving members of the Vulcan High Council should be in Russia building rockets. Third of all, as Lieutenant Uhura has told me repeatedly, the culprit was the Romulan Nero, who has been dealt with. I have never bore you any ill will, nor has my father, and you have my humblest apologies if I lead you to believe that I did.”

“But you’re so sick right now.”

“Well, I am emotionally compromised and I want to continue about my work, and it is taking a toll on my immune system. By your logic, you think if you had successfully saved my mother I would not be emotionally compromised, but your logic is flawed. Vulcan would still be gone, I would still be a member of an endangered species, but I would have my mother. I suspect had you been successful I would still be emotionally compromised and feeling ill.” 

“I thought you hated me. I mean how angry you got at Kirk over the exchanging of captain’s, and it was my fault she was dead.”

“It would have been preferable if you voiced your opinions a year ago. I could have enlightened you about my opinions then. I was...emotional from my mother’s recent death. Kirk wanted the role of Captain to stop Nero, and he enraged me to prove I was emotionally compromised and took control of the ship. You had no bearing on the subject. Had you saved my mother, I suspected he would have enraged me about Vulcan itself, which was completely out of your control. I lost captainship due to my own behavior, not yours.”

“It is a cause and effect though, sir.”

“Perhaps we should try one of Leonard's metaphors. When a couple dies in a home invasion who is at fault? The couple for not being prepared, the police, who were never called, for not coming to their aid, or the invaders?”

“The invaders, sir.”

“Precisely. My mother was the couple asleep, and you were the police, but Nero was the invader. I am furious, but I am only furious at the invader. You are innocent.”

“Well, I still wished I knew what would make you feel better sir.”

“At the moment dropping the subject.”

“I see. Which book are you reading?”

“At the moment I am reading Plato’s Republic. I have read it before. I find it fascinating that there is such a notion of a perfect human being.”

“I like anything by Tolstoy.”

“Hmm, yes. Logic has been around in the human world since the beginning of time.”

“Do Vulcans have books?”

“Of course. But they are meant to be read for learning and not for pleasure. It is illogical to have a favorite, or reread a book.”

“How sad.”

“The first time my mother asked me if I wanted a favorite bedtime story, I didn’t know what she meant. I simply told her to tell me hers.”

“What was it?”

“Hans Christain Anderson tale of the Little Mermaid. It is the tale of a mermaid falling in love with a human, and defy orders to be with him. I think she related to it somehow.”

“She left the human world to join the Vulcans.”

“Precisely. She would sing during the story.”

“What was your favorite story sir?”

“I liked Peter Pan. The idea of running away and going to a magical world I had never seen before with strange creatures and new discoveries. When I was young I would do anything to fly away from Vulcan.” Spock sighed, “And now I would do anything to fly back.”


	11. Chapter 11

Note: Spock’s address is made up of course.

* * *

Checov led Spock back to the bridge, to which Bones said, “There he is!”

“Spock you okay?” asked Kirk.

“I assume so. I was filled with the human emotion of sadness, and thought it was best to leave the proceedings,” explained Spock.

Nyota came up and hugged Spock, to which he embraced her back.

“Spock, it is normal to feel sad at a funeral,” said Jim.

“But it is illogical,” said Spock. “Crying changes nothing of my mother's circumstances.”

“Remember how we talked about letting it out?” said Bones.

“It is preferable to return to duty. Where is the urn box?”

Nyota handed the box to Spock. Spock stared at it for a minute, and wondered what to do. Finally he said, “Jim, what is the proper protocol?”

“Well, you can put it somewhere special. We can take it to a planet and bury it somewhere. What do you want to do with it, Spock?”

“I want to take it to New Vulcan. Father has planted a garden just as mother did when we were on Vulcan, and I think I can put it in the garden.” Spock thought a minute. “This is illogical.”

“Spock, that is a beautiful thing to do for your mother,” said Nyota.

“This is stupid,” said Spock.

“No it’s not,” said Jim. “Sulu, back to the bridge and set course for New Vulcan.”

“Yes. captain,” said Sulu.

“Let’s tell your father you're coming,” said Nyota.

They got to the bridge and hailed New Vulcan to find Spocks father. 

“Ambassador Sarek,” said Jim. “This is Captain Jim Kirk. We are bringing Spock to New Vulcan to attend to a personal matter.”

“Is Spock still ill?”

“Yes, Father,” said Spock. “But our hypothesis is that this personal errand will alleviate the illness.”

“Then it is logical that you come at once. What do you require?”

“Simply access to the family garden. I wish to perform a human ritual.”

Sarek raised his eyebrow. “What ritual?”

“A burial. We are burying an urn with Mother’s necklace in it.”

“As customary with a human burial you will require nourishment. I will have a meal prepared. How many will come?”

“Father that is unnecessary.”

“What is customary is necessary. How many will come, Spock?”

“I believe the whole bridge wants to support him,” said Jim. “That would be seven of us, including Spock.”

“Very well. I will make preparations,” said Sarek. The Screen went black.

“Captain, I repeat this is unnecessary,” said Spock.

“Shut up, Spock. This will be good for you,” said Jim.

“Course laid in, Captain,” said Sulu.

“Let’s rock and roll,” said Kirk, and they headed towards New Vulcan.

* * *

 _The Enterprise_ broke the atmosphere over a beautiful rocky planet that had silver buildings popping up throughout the planet.

“Wow,” said Sulu.

“Hmm,” moaned Nyota. “Captain, we are being hailed.”

“On screen,” said Jim.

A Vulcan showed up. “Identify yourself.”

“This is Captain James T Kirk of the _USS Enterprise._ We have a meeting with Ambassador Sarek at his home. Please instruct us on how to proceed.”

“I was not notified. Standby.”

“Alright.” 

The Vulcan disappeared.

“Tough security,” said Bones.

“Can you blame them?” said Kirk. “If they weren’t Vulcans, I’d say they were terrified.”

The Vulcan reappeared. “Ambassador Sarek confirmed your visitation. He also cleared you for as long as you like. However you must stay at Ambassadors Sareks home or in his presence. His son may suffice. Will you comply with these regulations?”

“Yes,” said Jim.

“You may proceed.” The Vulcan clicked off.

“Proceed where?” asked Sulu.

“Set coordinates for 15° 25’20”N, 20°15’4” E,” said Spock.

“Just do it, Sulu,” said Jim.

They headed towards the coordinates, and came to a hanger where they could land. Sulu parked the ship. 

“Uhura, open all comms,” said Jim.

“Attention, this is the Captain. We have landed on the planet New Vulcan to run a personal mission, but this is a new planet and an interesting species. Those who are bold feel free to beam below and explore and make reports back to the ship. This a proud and noble race friendly to the Federation, I expect the utmost respect from all crew members. Kirk out.”

“You should have probably done that before we landed on Vulcan,” said Uhura.

“I can only do so much at one time,” said Kirk. “Come on.”

They all got down to the shuttle. When they got there, they met Scotty and Bones.

“We are on the planet of pointy eared bastards,” said Bones. “I am going to lose my mind.”

“Now Bones what did I just say?” chastised Jim.

“I respect them. I just don’t know how to talk to them.”

“In that respect,” said Spock, “the logical way to proceed is to keep your mouth shut, doctor.”

They all got onto the the shuttle, and they went down to the surface.


	12. Chapter 12

Spock drove the transport to his father’s home, which looked a lot like his old home. It made him homesick and miss his mom. He shook his illogical thoughts and focused. The purpose of the mission was to bury his mother in order to relieve his stomach problems and nightmares so he would be able to perform his duties admirably. His feelings were illogical.

Spock set the ship down, and they all got out. When he exited, a servant, who Spock did not recognize, told him that his father was waiting for him and led them into the house. Spock surmised that Polvo, the servant his father had since Spock was a child, had either been terminated or most likely killed on Vulcan. The thought saddened Spock. Spock didn’t ask who this man, who was just a little bit younger than him, was. He decided he didn’t want to get emotionally attached.

The man led them into the living room.

“Ambassador Sarek will be finished in a moment,” said the man, and he left.

Spock realized that was polite and enough information on Vulcan, but his friends must have had a million questions. So he explained, “As an Ambassador my father has hired help that assists him, and with my mother gone, I am sure he has more to tend to the house. When I was young I knew one named Polvo who looked after me, but I assumed that he was terminated, either released from the job, or he perished on Vulcan. I am unsure who that was.”

“Was Polvo kind?” asked Nyota.

“Vulcans are not nice or friendly like humans are, but he was not cruel. He made life on Vulcan bearable. I suppose he was a ‘friend’.”

Sarek came into the room. “Forgive me for my tardiness.”

“You are forgiven,” said Spock.

“You look ill,” said Sarek.

“I am ill,” said Spock.

Sarek came up to Spock and placed his right hand on Spock’s head.

“What are they doing?” whispered Scotty.

“Vulcan mind-meld,” whispered Kirk. “He is reading Spock’s mind.”

Spock and Sarek said nothing for a minute, and then suddenly Sarek stepped away. “You have been playing on your human capability of saying half-truths, Spock. Allowing your body to be destroyed is not the Vulcan way.”  
“It is a paradox father. In order to feel well enough to sustain nourishment and sleep, I must be emotional.”

“So you choose to destroy your body, instead of restoring your mind. If you do not obtain sleep and nourishment you will die.”

“I am Vulcan.”

“Are you ashamed of your mother or me?”

Spock blinked. “Neither.”

“Then you are Vulcan and human.”

“Where is Polvo?”

“Changing the subject is admitting defeat.”

“Where is Polvo?”

Sarek took a breath. “I did not want to inform you of this because it would add to your suffering.”

“Vulcans do not suffer.”

“Spock, Polvo was in the market when Vulcan was having seismic activity. I looked for him when we were beamed aboard the Enterprise. He was not one of the survivors. I do not know what transpired to him.”

“What was the logic in waiting a year to tell me this?”

“Your reaction was so strong that day. My only desire was to comfort you the way your mother would have. Telling you your only… friend died, would have made matters worse for you.”

“Vulcans do not lie.”

“It wasn’t a lie. It was an omission of the truth, for your own good.”

Spock went out of the room. In fact, he just went out of the house. With tears streaming down his face, he just walked down the dirt road from his new home, and he wasn’t sure what to do. He wanted to scream, or punch something. He wanted to dig up the New Vulcan mud and bring back the old Vulcan mud. He didn’t know what he wanted and he thought that maybe this was what Shakespear meant when Hamlet went mad with grief.

“Hey,” cried Nyota.

“It is unsafe for you to be around me!” cried Spock. “I am so overcome I might strangle someone by accident.”

“Baby, you're not going to hurt anything, you are just going to breathe,” said Nyota.

Spock took a gulp of air like he was suffocating. He ran his hands through his hair. He tried to breathe again and he couldn’t and he started choking and coughing. Suddenly, he heaved his stomach contents onto New Vulcan.

“Spock, easy,” said Nyota. “It’s okay.”

Spock felt better, but he was crying and trembling, Nyota came up to him and grabbed his hand, and walked him over to a flat rock where they could sit on. Nyota sat down and actually got Spock to put his head in her lap, and she played with his hair.

“I never felt this emotionally compromised before in my life,” whispered Spock. “Last year wasn’t this bad.”

“You need something to do,” said Nyota. “After the funeral services, we need to go somewhere and discover something.”

“I need to go through Kolinahr.”

“Spock, how are we going to be together?”

“We aren’t.”

Nyota let a few tears fall. “Okay.”

“You think I am abandoning you.”

“I think you are rushing this. Let’s just sit here and relax a minute.”

Spock sat still and breathed. He didn’t know what would make him feel better right now, but not feeling sounded so nice right now.


	13. Chapter 13

Spock was dressed in a white tunic and pants, in the large preparation room, when there was a knock on the door.

“Enter,” he said.

Kirk popped his head in followed by the rest of the Enterprise gang. “Hey,” said Kirk, “We just wanted to say bye before it happened.”

“I am not being terminated, Captain.”

“Well, your human side is. I am gonna miss you buddy. Your little expressions, your wit, the way you beat the shit out of things.”

“I will still be intelligent, Captain, and I assumed part of the Enterprise crew.”

“Yeah of course, Spock. You will just be… different. That is all.”

Chekov hugged Spock, and said, “Goodbye Mr. Spock.”

“I am not going anywhere, Ensign Chekov.”

“I know,” said Chekov, “but you will be different and that makes me sad.”

Chekov let him go, and Mr. Sulu came up and shook his hand. “I hope this makes you feel better sir.”

Spock nodded, and shook Sulu’s hand.

“Well, here’s hoping it works,” said Scotty, shakling Spock’s hand. “Gonna miss you, Spock.”

Spock nodded and shook hands with Scotty.

“Are you out of your Vulcan mind?” said Bones. “We needed to be giving you personality shots before!”

“Bones!” cried Jim.

“Are you at least gonna miss me?” asked Bones.

“Logically speaking you will be on the Enterprise,” said Spock, “I will interact with you daily, to the object of missing you will be moot.”

“Aw, to hell with you!” said Bones and walked away.

“Bones,” cried Jim, rolling his eyes.

“He started it!” screamed Bones.

“Just shake hands like gentlemen, and move on.”

They shook hands, and Bones stepped back, but he was batting something out of his eyes.

“The idea that anything will change is illogical, Captain,” said Spock to Jim. “I will be able to grieve my mother the Vulcan way and go back to being more productive. My mind will be clear, and I could carry out my duties. If I would have done this before I entered Star Fleet, I would not have been emotionally compromised.”

“I know, Spock,” answered Jim. “I know a lot of your life would be easier if you were fully Vulcan. But so much of our life has been enriched because you were half human. I mean you have learned the concept of friends because you are human, and the concept of love with Nyota. Personally, I think it is okay that you need time off to grieve your mom. I mean you lost your whole planet and a family member and took what, a lap around the lower levels? We don’t care if you need time. But if this is what you think you need, then this is what you do.”

Spock nodded, and walked away. The Vulcan doctors walked in front of him through to the procedure room, and his father walked beside him, leading him down the halls to the procedure room.

“Permission to speak my mind,” said Spock.

“Of course,” said Sarek.

“I am suddenly conflicted. I am choosing this procedure to end my grief and pain, but my decision is causing grief and pain in all others. Logic now dictates it is better that I suffer alone to spare them, does it not?”

“That is up to you my son. That is a decision of ethos, which can be fluid as you were taught.”

“How did you decide to make this decision, father?”

“I have not had this procedure my son.”

Spock stopped in his tracks. “How is that possible?”

“By the time I had the proper maturity to have this procedure, I had already been on my first diplomatic mission to Earth and had met your mother. It seemed illogical to erase such strong feelings of loyalty and love for her.”

“You did not take the procedure when you entered Vulcan Academy?”

“Spock, I am the Vulcan Ambassador to Earth. I studied politics, not science. Like you I chose a different path than the Academy. I took tutelage under the last Vulcan Ambassador. I made the argument that undergoing Kolinahr would make my life difficult as the Ambassador.”

“So when you said you fell in love with mother…”

“Did you think I lied to you?”

“So you feel.”

“Yes, absolutely. I have emotions about your mother, the loss of Vulcan, you, everything.”

“Then explain your lecture of logic when I was a child and my altercation with the child in the learning center.”

“You have forgotten what I said. I said emotions ran deeper in Vulcans than in humans but logic offers us serenity. It offers us control. But it is irrational to live in absence of emotion, especially for you.”

“Explain?”

“What do you mean by the word, ‘fascinating’. You say it often?”

“Intriguing, I suppose.”

“Precisely. A definition would be ‘arousing one’s curiosity’. As a child, you found all sorts of rocks and creatures fascinating. If you were purely Vulcan you would classify them as you did, but as half human, you pursued it vigorously and made a passion out of exploration. Your mother found it difficult to keep you in the house. You loved exploration. Thus StarFleet Academy became a logical avenue for you to pursue. That was not a Vulcan experience; that was a human experience.”

“A logical conclusion from this conversation is that you disapprove of today's course of activities. May I ask your reasoning?”

“You may. I have several. Primarily, all your life you have disagreed with the Vulcan race, because of how they treated you and your mother. Your change of mind is due to an illness, and not because you agree with the Vulcan traditions. Secondly, as a half-human you require relationships, and you are in several friendships and a romantic relationship that this procedure will be severed. Thirdly, the primary reason you request this is because you do not know how to grieve the human way and are ill. You think having no emotions will make you feel better. However, your logic is flawed.”

“How so?”

“If a child breaks an arm, and the doctor numbs it then sends the child on their way does the child heal?”

“No, the arm must first be set then cast.”

“If you go through this procedure, Spock, you are numbing yourself to your mothers death. You will still be in pain, and you will have no human outlet to turn to.”

They finally reached the procedure room. The doctors went in and Spock followed them in alone.


	14. Chapter 14

No one said anything for a while. Bones was pacing the floor, Scotty was holding Uhura who was crying into his shirt, Sulu was pulling out his datapad and checking on the ship, Chekov was staring out the window curious to see what New Vulcan looked like, and Kirk was flipping through pictures on his datapad of him and Spock over the last year. In a few of them Spock's lips were turned upward slightly. Kirk was never going to see that smirk again.

The doors opened and Sarek came out, followed by Spock. Everyone got up, but no one said anything.

Finally, Bones asked, “Are there any side effects I should know about?”

“No,” said Sarek.

“What now Spock?” asked Jim.

“We return to the Enterprise,” Spock said matter of factly. “Thank you, Father.”

“Your welcome, Spock.”

Nyota let out a soft sob.

Spock walked over to the Enterprise crew, and looked at them expectantly.

“What?” said Jim.

“Let’s return to the ship,” said Spock.

“You're not going to say hi?” asked Bones.

“I saw you an hour ago. A greeting seemed redundant.”

“Okay, lets go to the ship.”

They said goodbye to Spocks father, and got on the shuttle and went to the Enterprise. When they got to the Enterprise, they all filled out of the hanger, and Spock made a beeline for his room.

“Come back here, you pointy eared bastard!” screamed Bones.

Spock turned on his heel, and walked back to the group. “Name calling is not necessary, Doctor.”

“What did they do to your brain?”

“Nothing.”

“You're not Spock anymore!”

“Yes I am.”

“Prove it!”

“Bones,” said Jim. “Calm down, we are all upset, but yelling at him isn’t going to help.”

“Why is this matter distressing?” asked Spock.

“We told you Spock, your personality changed.”

“No it didn’t.”

“Spock, now you don’t have emotion.”

“We didn’t do the procedure.”

“What?” asked Jim.

“Don’t bullshit me, Spock,” said Bones.

Spock cocked his head. “I fail to see how excrement of any kind pertains to this manner, but Vulcans do not lie. The procedure was not done.”

“Wait,” said Nyota coming up to Spock crying, “What happened?”

“My father persuaded me that it would be more honoring to my mother to work through my grief as a human then to make them vanish as a Vulcan. He said he did not go through the Kolinahr when he met my mother so that he could feel the emotion of love for her, and he still has not gone through it so that he can feel grief for her. He said that these feelings honor her.”

“Your father talked you out of it?” whispered Nyota, letting her tears fall down.

“Yes, why are you crying?”

“I’m happy.”

“I do not understand.”

“Spock, I thought I lost you.”

“Unclear.”

“Just kiss her!” said Bones.

Spock embraced and kissed Nyota, finally he was so frustrated that he did not understand the significance of what was going on, that he mind melded with her. Everyone was quiet as Spock concentrated on understanding his girlfriend’s mind, and Nyota sobbed in his arms. Spock had never mind melded with Nyota before because he wanted to give her privacy, but he was so desperate to keep from hurting her, he felt he had no choice. When he was finished, he dropped his hands.

“You said you supported my decision,” said Spock, “But you took it as an act of emotional abandonment. Why would you lie?”

“Because I thought it was what you needed to hear.”

“I needed to hear the truth. Because of my upbringing, I might, unintentionally, do things that are logical that might cause you pain, you must stop me. My parents had this dilemma. My father was sometimes illogical to bring my mother joy. It was no burden to my father, nor is it a burden to me. But sometimes I do not think as a human might. You must help me, Nyota.”

“Okay, you want the truth. No one gives a fuck that your emotionally compromised about your mom. We are fine with working with you and figuring out a system. Whether it’s therapy or medication or you just taking days off. But you just decided to not feel and that hurt me.”

“Nyota, everytime I embrace my human side even for a moment, I get hurt.”

“You embrace your human side with me. Do I hurt you?”

“You confuse me. But no, you have actually brought me much joy and comfort.”

“So why can’t you let me in?”

“I am not good with metaphors, but perhaps this will suffice. Vulcans have strong emotions, they just learn to control them through logic. Humans have lesser, but still strong emotions and don't control them. As a hybrid, I am caught in a hurricane, and must always fight to be in the center of the eye. I can let no one in.” 

“Because you think we will hurt you?”

“I will be a lesser being.”

“Spock, losing control takes nothing away from you.”

“At the moment, I don’t agree.”

“Spock I have told you,” said Bones. “We don’t love you because you're logical. We love you in spite of that.”

“I act illogical when I feel,” said Spock.

“Buddy, everyone does,” said Jim.

“Well now the prime directive has changed.”

“To what, Mr. Spock?” asked Chekov.

“Since I did not go through with the Kolinahr, I will have the physical aspects of grief until I learn to release them. Therefore, I must concede to the crew’s premise, I must learn how to be… emotional.”


	15. Chapter 15

Everyone was excited about how to teach Spock how to be human. Nyota wanted to start with the feeling of love, Bones wanted to start with humor, and Kirk wanted to start with friendship. They were all masterminding how to introduce Spock to human kind. Nyota was planning a perfect date night, Bones was planning a movie night because he was sick of Spock missing his metaphors, and Jim was planning a guys night out, and at quitting time on the bridge they realized they all planned it on the same night.

“We are going to the club,” said Jim.

“I have been planning this date since I met him,” cried Nyota. “I am taking him to dinner!”

“You're both wrong,” cried Bones. “Spock and I are going to strangle each other unless I teach him about John Wayne tonight!”

“I’m his girlfriend so I get to decide,” said Nyota.

“You can sleep with him anytime,” said Kirk. “I want to get Spock drunk!”

“What are you talking about?” asked Spock.

“Spock what are you doing tonight?” asked Kirk.

“I had no definitive plans, but Sulu asked if he could teach me a human game.”

“Game?” asked Bones. “What game?”

“It’s called poker. He said that there was quite a bit of logic, skill, and luck, and you receive monetary compensation. I have never heard of it. It sounds intriguing.”

“Excuse me,” said Jim. He walked over to Sulu, “Hey who can get in on your poker lesson with Spock.”

“Anyone. I have a feeling when he gets the hang of it he will clear me out, though.”

“Vulcans can’t lie.”

Sulu looked at Jim with a shit-eating grin. “He is gonna have a million tells.”

“I almost feel bad.”

“We will give the money back if we completely clean him out.”

“I make no promises.”

* * *

The poker game consisted of everyone. It was a dollar ante, five-card draw, jokers were wild, and the dealer rotated. To Sulu’s surprise, Spock had no tells. He had the same expression when he had a pair of twos and a straight flush. Throughout the game he said nothing, unless to answer a direct question. Jim sat by him and explained what beat what, but Spock needed no guidance as for when to fold, when to stay in, when to raise, or when to bluff.

“I am losing to a Vulcan,” cried Bones.

“This is a game of luck and logic,” said Spock.

“How is it logic?” asked Jim.

“Based on what I know of your character, are they acting consistent when they raise the bet, meaning they have a good hand, or are they acting inconsistent, meaning they are bluffing.”

“And what does it mean when you can’t tell?”

“They are a good liar.”

“Yes, and you Spock are a very good liar. I am out. What did you have?”

“Pair of sixes.”

“Damn it.”   
  


“Next time,” said Sulu, “We are using Monopoly money. I have to send something to my wife and kids.”

“What is Monopoly?” asked Spock.

“Oh my god,” cried Jim. “You don’t know how to play Monopoly?”

“Okay, so because Spock needs human lessons,” said Bones. “Every Friday night game night. Next week Monopoly?”

“As long as Kirk doesn’t get us shot at,” said Uhura.

“Hey, sometimes Spock gets us shot at,” said Jim.

“How so?” said Spock.

“You just have to have the damn rock, and the damn rock is important to the damn people.”

“I have never taken a sacred object.”

“Yeah that was you, remember,” said Uhura.

“Well, I stole that for Spock!” cried Jim.

“This does not prove your premise.”

“Are we gonna relive a mission six months ago?” asked Sulu. “Or are we going to play poker?”

Spock chuckled, “I have finally found a name for that artifact: ‘The damn rock’. He laughed so hard tears fell down his face, but soon he stopped laughing and he was crying. He dropped the cards on the table and tried to stand up, and he was still crying.

“Spock,” said Nyota.

“Spock, take it easy,” said Jim.

Spock gasped for breath, and he couldn’t get his hands to stop shaking. “I am not emotional!” he screamed.

“Medbay, I need a stretcher, and a sedative,” said Bones. “Spock, Spock you're going to look at me. Nothing is going to hurt you. Your going to be fine. You’re just gonna breathe, okay.”

“177245385,” said Spock.

“What’s wrong with him?” asked Nyota.

“He’s sick. I don’t have any medicine with me.”

The doors opened and some nurses rushed in. “Doctor,” cried the nurse handing Bones a shot.

Bones took the shot and approached Spock carefully, who was still repeating the numbers. “Easy buddy,” said Bones. “This is gonna sting a little, but its gonna be okay.”

He gave Spock the medicine, and Spock slumped into his arms. They laid him on the stretcher, and the whole crew went with Bones as they escorted Spock to MedBay.


	16. Chapter 16

Spock woke up in MedBay, again. It was the second time this month and he was never sick. He couldn’t remember what happened, something was funny and he laughed, and then everything went dark. He felt horrible, his stomach hurt, his head hurt, and he was so tired.

Bones came into the room.

“Hey buddy, how are you feeling?” asked Bones.

“The situation is dire,” Spock surmised. “You're treating me like a child.”

“Okay, you want it straight. You had a Gelastic seizure. It was triggered by stress, low blood sugar, and sleep deprivation, so you are off duty until I clear you.”

Spock leaned back on his bed. He was off duty, that was the epitome of being called illogical. 

“Vulcans do not have stress,” said Spock.

“Your cortisol levels are really high. I think we need to consider that medication, Spock. I need to give you a shot.”

Spock nodded.

Bones disappeared for a minute and came back with a syringe. “From now on you are getting one every twenty-four hours until your levels improve.”

“What is an appropriate level?”

“0.8-1.2 mmol/L.”

“What is my level?”

Your natural Cortisol has been around 1.7. It is too high and we need to get it lower. That is why you are getting sick. Too high is 1.5; fatally toxic is 2.0 is higher.”

“So I am in bed until my levels fall 0.5 mmol/L?”

“No, but your off duty until that happens. You’re just in bed for a little bit. Just relax, Spock. Read about how Romeo and Juliet were stupid.”

Bones gave Spock the shot and handed him the play. Spock sighed and opened the book and tried to concentrate on the words, but he shut the book quickly because the words gave him a headache.

“What’s wrong?” asked Bones.

“It seems I am unable to focus.”

“Yeah, you probably will feel like that for a little while. We need to do an MRI. You’re not going to get claustrophobic on me, are you?”

“At this moment, it is unclear how my body will react.”

“Okay, I am going to put you to sleep just to be safe then.” Bones gave Spock another shot in his shoulder and Spock felt his body relax and his eyes close.

Spock woke up in bed with someone running their fingers through his hair. He bit his tongue to suppress the illogical response of a moan of feeling pleasure from the sensation. He tried to force his eyes open and saw that he was receiving intravenous therapy of some liquid medicine into the crux of his right arm. He had no pain, but he found it, curious. Whatever was found in the medicine was reliving his stomach pain, to which he had the illogical emotion of gratefulness.

Spock followed the hand-weaving through his hair and discovered it was attached to Nyota.

“Hi,” she muttered.

“Your playing with my hair,” he said.

“Do you want me to stop?”

He shook his head. “I find it...pleasurable.”

She smiled and kissed his forehead. “How is your stomach?”

“Uncomfortable,” Spock confessed.

“Well you don’t have a fever,” she said.

“I remember one year, in particular, I got human influenza on Vulcan. I was about thirteen. Father was completely befuddled as to how I contracted the disease, but Mother took care of me. I felt awful, but I enjoyed being so close to Mother. My mind was so feverish, it was hard to be logical, and I was more emotional during the time. I have fond memories of it. I think I got delirious, and I told my parents I loved them. I can’t recall the events.”

“That’s sweet, Spock.”

“I think it was the only time I told my mother I loved her.”

“Well, she knew you meant it all the time.”

“I hated Vulcan,” Spock said. “I wanted so bad to run away. I remember looking up into the stars at night and wondering if there were creatures like me. Hybrids who didn’t belong. Bastards who on one wanted. I wanted to find them all. Make a family. I graduated early. I studied harder than my peers. I joined Star Fleet, and I didn’t go home. For eight years I didn’t go home. I never wanted to see Vulcan again. I didn’t even see my mother for eight years. And then the day I did see her she fell to her death!”

“Spock,” said Nyota.

“Now it’s all gone!” cried Spock. “It’s all gone and I can never get it back. New Vulcan is not getting it back!”

“Hey,” said Nyota. “Hey look at me.”

“It’s all their fault,” said Spock, trying to get out of bed so they could punch something.

“Spock, listen to me!” screamed Nyota. “Yes, it is their fault, okay. No one should make you so ashamed of who you are that you want to leave the damn planet. Listen, I hate every Vulcan except your father for what they did to you. I hate Nero for hurting you for something that wasn’t even your fault. And I hate that you have been taught that you are less of a being if you don’t bottle it up. And it is okay that you hate it too. But you are getting yourself sick. Spock, I’m pregnant, and I need you.”


	17. Chapter 17

Spock looked at Nyota and tried to figure out what she just said.

“Pregnant?” he thought. Nyota was pregnant and here he was acting illogically. Suddenly he felt sick on his stomach, but it was a different type of sick on his stomach. It was a...what did Kirk call it? Butterflies in the stomach. He was going to be a father. Well, first he was supposed to do the honorable thing and marry Nyota.

“Say something,” said Nyota.

“How long?”

“A little bit more than a month. It was before your “purification” period. I was going to go to Nurse Chapel soon when you got better.”

“I feel fine,” said Spock standing. He moved to go to the bathroom so he could change into his uniform.

“Bones hasn’t released you.”

“Has the doctor addressed your situation?” he asked, turning back to her.

“No, I just took the test like two days ago.”

“You have withheld this information from me for two days.”

“Spock, you were ill.”

“Clearly, I am better. You however need to see a doctor.”

“Spock, I don't need to see a doctor for another month.”

“Are you certain?”   
  


“Yeah.”

“Who have you informed?”

“No one. Just you.”

“May I inform Leonard. I now have an urgency to be released.”

“Spock, I don’t want you getting sick a third time.”

“Nor do I, Nyota. Now, I have a strong reason to be complicit with doctors' orders.”

“Look, we are going to take it easy, this time. Even if Bones says its okay, you are not going to be back on the bridge tomorrow.”

“I understand, but I have a strong desire to be engaged with you socially.”

“I want to be with you too. I’ll get Bones.”

Nyota disappeared, and Spock changed with a new sense of purpose that he hadn’t felt in so long, probably since Vulcan last year. He was going to be a father? He had to ask Nyota for her hand in marriage. He had no clue what the human ritual was. He would have to ask his father. He married a human girl, so he would know. They were having a baby out of wedlock. Did that bring shame to humans as it did Vulcans. Had he just shamed Nyota? At this point Spock didn’t give a damn of what anyone thought of him, but if his soon to be wife and child were to be subject to ridicule and heartache, Spock would never forgive himself.

There was a knock, and Bones entered the room. “Hey, you're feeling better.”

“I need to get out of here immediately.”

“Relax, nothing’s happening on the bridge. Your EEG came back great. Looks like your still Spock. But I want you to rest, eat, come see me, and get your Cortisol levels down. You are banned from the bridge and the labs for two weeks. I mean it. I don’t want you even in the room.”

“I concede, doctor. I will take my medicine, eat my vegetables, and go to bed. May I please leave?”

“What is your hurry?”

“I wish to engage with Lt. Uhura socially.”

“Spock, your not healthy enough for sex.”

“Lenord,” said Spock, almost sounding annoyed, “I wish to ask her to marry me.”

“What?”

“She has informed me that she is pregnant with my child, and I would prefer that we be a family. It is logical, since we are romantically intertwined.”

“What are you going to do, just ask her to marry you?”

“That seemed logical?”

“If you're gonna take Cinderella to the ball, she can’t be dressed in rags, Spock!”

“I don’t understand.”

“Have you ever seen a proposal before, a human one?”

“No.”

“You make it memorable. She looks nice, you look nice. It helps if her friends are there. You do something clever with the ring. You have some speech when you give it to her that makes her cry. You take a lot of pictures. You typically danced at the end. You don't just give her the box.”

“I see. Then I will need help.”

* * *

Jim, Bones, and Spock, were in Jim's room looking at diamond rings.

“Bones you bought one of these before,” said Jim, “What are we looking for?”

“Depends on what you want, there is stone type, stone color, stone shape, metal type, metal color, how much do you want to spend, which planet do you want the diamond from, I mean the possibilities are endless.”

“What would Nyota like?” asked Spock.

“That is the problem. This is the ultimate test of how well do you know your women, and every man fails. At least I failed.”

“This is why I will never get married,” said Jim. “I love the  _ Enterprise, _ and the  _ Enterprise _ loves me. It’s the perfect woman.”

“How well do I know Nyota?” mumbled Spock to himself. “Well, she likes my mothers necklace.”

“Spock, no more radioactive jewelry,” said Bones.

“You misunderstand. The colors were most pleasing, gold with a blue stone.”

“Okay, found something,” said Jim. “Triple gold band, sapphire stone, surrounded by 20.015 carat white diamonds. 900.”

“Option one,” said Bones. “I found another one, option two, an oval aquamarine stone, encircled by diamonds, as diamonds encrest the 14K white gold band. Also 900.”

“Let me look at them,” said Spock.

“Here is one,” said Jim.

“Here is two,” said Bones.

“Aesthetics are highly illogical, but I believe that the second option will look well with my mothers necklace. That would be the logical choice.”

"Spock if there is a logical way to pick out jewlry, you need to teach a class on it," said Kirk. "Every man on the ship would take it."

"It would have saved my ass in my second marrige," said Bones.

They paid with Spock's account, and the ring would be sent through the mail tomorrow, and it would be seized after he proposed to Nyota.


	18. Chapter 18

Bones had said that Spock could return to light duty, no time in the lab, just duty on the bridge, and if he had symptoms he needed to go rest. Now, Spock suddenly didn’t care anything about duty as his focus was solely on spending time with Nyota. He found himself daydreaming during duty and it was not about his mother’s fall, or Vulcan dissolving into nothing, now it was the genetic makeup of his child.

Would it be a girl or a boy? Would it have his skin tone or Nyota’s? Would it have a Vulcan’s ears or a human’s ears? Would it have his dyslexia and his emotional problems, but have a high skill set for logic and numbers? Or will it be like Nyota and have a high disposition for language, curiosity, and tenacity?

During his time off, when Nyota was on duty for another hour, he began researching pregnancy and human childrearing. He wanted to...the human word was...dote on her while he was waiting on the ring to be made and sent to the Enterprise. Of course, Nyota noticed.

“How did we get into this place so quickly?” asked Nyota as she ate her dinner at one of the restaurants on the upper decks.

“I made a reservation.”

“This is one of those restaurants that Kirk takes one of his one-night stands to.”

“Meaning it is unsavory?”

“Meaning it is romantic, Spock. You have gotten very...charming over this past few weeks.”

“Was I not charming otherwise?”

“You were kind, caring, and considerate, but you were not Prince Charming. What’s gotten into you?”

“Would you like to dine somewhere else?”

“I would like to know what you have up your sleeve.”

Spock cocked his head, “My arm.”

She laughed, “I don’t care what you are planning. I am having fun. I like this side of you.”

“Nyota, what plan do you have for our child’s future?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Women in Starfleet work while pregnant. It’s not like my tongue will stop working because I am carrying a child. I was going to talk to Jim and just tell him that I could work until I needed to go on maternity leave when the baby comes, then my shift replacement can step up.”

“Would you want to raise it as human or Vulcan?”

“Both. I think both are important. I don’t want to send the baby to a Vulcan school. You had problems there socially, and I don’t want to put the baby through that. But I want him to know Vulcan, your father, logic. I also want him to learn about emotions. I don’t want him to bottle everything up and get sick. I want my baby to laugh, and play. I want to take him to New Vulcan and Earth. I want the baby to be both.”

“So do I,” said Spock. “There is something I would like to do that is different than my parents did.”

“What?”

“My father was purely Vulcan, and he told me that as an Ambassador to Earth it was logical for him to take a human life so that he could observe human behavior. I grew up never knowing that my parents loved each other, or loved me for that matter.”

“Spock, that is so sad.”

“After my outburst after my mother’s death, my father corrected his perceived mistake. He told me that he fell in love with my mother and that he married her because of this love. That changed my outlook on many things. I want this child to not worry on my part that I love you, or I love this child, but as a half Vulcan, I am not sure that I can accomplish this.”

“Spock, one thing that you can do is open up and talk to people, like what you are doing now, and learn how to laugh with the baby.”

“My work with Lenord might become very fruitful with this.”

“Yes. Can I ask a weird question over dinner?”

“Of course.”

“How long is Vulcan gestation?”

“13 months, but our child is only a fourth Vulcan. I suspect that it will be the typical 40 weeks of a human, but you should ask Leonard.”

“Your mother carried you for thirteen months?”

“Her body couldn’t handle it. I was placed in a pod, or what humans would call an incubator, for the last four months.”

“Were there any effects?”

“To me, no. My mother was emotionally compromised until she could hold me. Then she seemed to be alright.”

“I don’t know what I will do if I can’t hold my baby for four months,” whispered Nyota.

“I will hold you,” said Spock.

Nyota smiled. “We should probably wait until we know if it is a boy or a girl until we think of a name?”

“Seems logical, we only have to wait about twelve to fourteen weeks.”

“Then we can have a shower, get the room ready.”

“Nyota, are you happy about becoming a mother?”

“Yes.”

“Are you happy I am the father, and the child will be partly Vulcan?”

“I have no idea what I am doing, and I am scared, but yes, I am glad that I am having a baby with you.”

“Nyota, I am happy too. Actually, this is the first time I have felt joy since the destruction of Vulcan. I… love you Nyota, and I want this child to be our child,” he said pulling the ring out, “As a family.”

“Do you want to marry me because it is the right thing in the Vulcan tradition, or do you want to marry me because you love me, Spock?” snapped Nyota.

“I am scared to feel,” he whispered, “Because all I feel is pain. But being with you brings me great joy when I am bold enough to allow it, and I am hypothesizing this child will do the same.”

Nyota let tears fall down from her eyes, and finally, she nodded. “Yes, yes I’ll marry you.”

Spock put the ring on her finger and they kissed.


	19. Chapter 19

Spock was walking Nyota back to her quarters when both their communicators beeped.

“Report to the bridge, immediately,” said Jim.

“On our way, Captain,” said Spock.

“What’s wrong?” asked Nyota.

“I do not know,” said Spock.

They ran to the bridge, ready for anything, and when they got there the whole bridge crew was there including McCoy and Scotty. The bridge was decorated in blue and gold, the colors of the ring, and there was food and champagne to be served.

“Surprise!” cried everyone.

“What is occurring?” asked Spock.

“Engagement party,” said Jim. “You were in the labs, and Nyota was off duty. We have been working on this all day. I have no clue where we are. Seriously. Sulu, where are we?”

“We are parked in the Nukolee sector, sir. Emperor Djan says as long as we mean no harm we can stay as long as we want.”

“Kirk, you're crazy,” said Nyota.

“You're pregnant and engaged to Spock. You thought we were going to let this go by without any celebration?”

“Yeah,” said Bones. “Blink twice if you are having second thoughts.”

Nyota slapped him.

“We have champagne, and Nurse Chapel found non-alcoholic champagne for you, Nyota,” said Jim.

“I would love a drink,” said Nyota.

She went over and talked to the nurses and showed off the ring to them. 

“Hey, she is showing off the ring,” said Bones. “We did good.”

“However, out of order,” said Spock. “I neglected to ask for her hand from her father.”

“Oh, yeah, that is going to be a problem.”

“How did your dad take it?” asked Jim.

“I neglected to inform him as well,” said Spock.

“What are you going to do?” asked Bones.

“I do not know,” said Spock.

“Well, don’t worry about it. Let’s party!” proclaimed Kirk.

The champagne and non-alcoholic champagne poured, as Nyota recounted the tale of how Spock proposed to her, and Spock recounted how much he liked the Valkyra diamond for Nyota’s ring.

“It is from Vulcan?” cried Nurse Chapel. “How romantic!”

“Do I have to start giving her radiation shots?” joked Bones.

He almost died laughing at Spock’s glare at him.

“Okay, so it’s legitimate?” asked Nurse Chapel. “You’re pregnant?”

“I took two tests and they both came back positive,” said Nyota.

“Do you want a boy or a girl?” asked Jim.

“Desiring a gender is illogical,” said Spock. “Both have merit.”

Nyota laughed, “I agree with my fiancé. I will be happy with either.”

* * *

Back in his room, Spock hailed his father and he had a knot in his stomach. His father was going to be disappointed in him, or at least the Vulcan version of disappointment.

“Greetings,” came a Vulcan.

“This is  S'chn T'gai Spock. I wish to speak with Ambassador Sarek.”

“Ambassador Sarek is dealing with Vulcan matters. He is not to be disturbed.”

Spock tried to tell himself that it was illogical to be offended by the Vulcan’s emphasis on the term ‘Vulcan matters’. Was the assumption that because he was Sarek’s human son he could only contact him with human matters? Or did this Vulcan know of his illness? Spock took a deep breath and tried to calm down. Of course, his father was busy with business. Spock was just...over-eager to tell his news. Logic dictates that he must relax.

“When Ambassador Sarek has time, have him contact me, I have news for him.”

“Logic dictates that you tell me the news to not waste the Ambassador’s time.”

“This is a personal matter between the Ambassador and myself. Logic dictates that you are not involved.”

“May I inquire who you are?” asked the Vulcan.

“His son, Spock.”

“Amanda’s son.”

“Is there another wife of Ambassador Sarek?”

“Nesa. He has not engaged in pon far with her yet but he has had to take a wife because of mating rituals, and other duties around the house. What is your news for Ambassador Sarek?”

“I simply ask to have him contact me when it is available to him.”

“For what purpose?”

“To inform him of a personal matter.”

The Vulcan blinked. “Your secrecy is illogical, for Ambassador Sarek will inform me when the conversation is over.”

Spock swallowed hard. “What my father chooses to do with this information is irrelevant to me. I will not have this conversation with a stranger!”

“You are displaying the human emotion of anger,” said the Vulcan.

“What is going on?” asked another Vulcan in the background.

“Your son, Spock, hailed and asked for you, but he illogically did not give me the message. He told me it was a private matter. I told him that I handle all of your matters, and if he was not comfortable telling me something, it was probably illogical. He got angry.”

“Your logic is flawed. Where is Amanda buried, or Polvo for that matter?”

The Vulcan was silent.

“You know nothing of family matters,” continued Sarek, “or how to raise a half-human child. If my son wants to discuss something with me, it is logical that you inform me at once!”

“Forgive me, sir,” said the Vulcan and he scurried off.

“You are angry, Father,” said Spock, shocked.

“It is illogical for my staff to lie to me. Vulcans do not lie,” Sarek concluded, then he took a breath and calmed down. “What is your news, my son?”

“Nyota is pregnant.”

Sarek was stone faced.

“I am the father.”

Again, Sarek said nothing.

“We are engaged.”

“When is the wedding?”

“We haven’t discussed that.”

“Update me frequently on the wedding and the birth of the child. I wish to be in attendance for both events if possible.”

“You do?”

“Logically, you are my sole heir, and this is now your family. I wish to remain a part of it.”

“I thought I had shamed you.”

“Shame is illogical. I must go, or have you more to tell me?”

“No.”

“What is the sex of the child?”

“Unknown.”

“Inform me what you wish. Goodbye my son.”

“Goodbye.”

The screen cut off, and Spock sat back on the chair. At the sound of the door opening, Nyota came in.

“Hey, I was wondering where you went off to?” she said.

“I informed my father of our engagement and the child.”

“How did he take it?”

“I can’t tell. When I hailed them, a servant came on and was difficult with me. I supposed it was because of my human heritage. Then my father came into the room, and was almost angry with the servant. Then he listened to my news as if it was an everyday occurrence I had gotten a woman pregnant. Then he explained he wants to be at the wedding and the birth.”

“So he yelled at the servant, and then acted like a doting father?”

“Yes, I have never seen him like that before.”

“Spock, you said that your father talked you out of Kolinahr, right? Why did he do that?”

“He wanted me to feel to hold onto my human heritage.”

“He didn’t think it was a good idea to do it because he did it?”

“He never did it.”

“Spock, your father never completed Kolinahr. He was being emotional. He was happy at our engagement, and the baby, and mad at the servant.”

“I have never seen him lose control over his emotions.”

“He’s losing control for the same reason you're losing control, he misses your mom.”


	20. Chapter 20

“We haven't talked in a while,” said Bones, “But life has been hectic so I am gonna let it go.”

“I think I am well,” said Spock. “My headache is all but ended and my stomach is not in an upheaval.”

“You're lying. Nyota said you threw up your dinner last night and you're meditating instead of sleeping. Your Cortisol levels are still high but they're dropping. You're still on light duty.” Bones got up and got the syringe and stuck it in Spock’s arm. Spock kept a straight face throughout the procedure.

“It’s only been a week, Spock,” said Bones, throwing the syringe away and sitting back down. “Give it time. Let it build up in your system.”

“Time is of the essence now. I must be cured by the time the child is born.”

“Yeah, let's talk about that. How did it happen?” asked Bones with a grin.

“Irrelevant.”

“Come on. I swear I will not tell Jim.”

“Doctor!”

“Okay, okay, how do you feel about it happening?”

“Sick to my stomach.”

“Why?”

“This child will live the same life I have. Actually, it will be worse because it will be born out of wedlock, unheard of in the Vulcan community.”

“You think the kid will get mocked?”

“Yes.”

“Were you mocked as a kid?”

“Irrelevant.”

“Spock come on, talk to me.”

“Yes I was mocked.”

“For what?”

“Being different. Having L’tak Terai. Being the child of a human. Having emotions.”

“What is L’tak Terai?”

“On Earth it is called dyslexia,” mumbled Spock.

“I didn’t know you were dyslexic.”

“My mother taught me to read.”

“That must be a nice memory.”

“Irrelevant.” 

“No it’s not. Did you like learning how to read from your mom?”

“Yes, the adventures of Alice were enlightening when I understood it.”

“You read Alice and Wonderland?”

“For practice. The words were challenging, but the story was fascinating. I was entranced.”

“Did the other kids call you names?”

“They didn’t call me ‘pointy ears’, but they did call me a ‘bastard’.”

“Hey, you know the difference between some Vulcan saying you are less of a being and me pulling your leg, right?”

“‘Pulling my leg’?”

“There is someone teasing you because they want to feel superior to you, and there is teasing you because they want you to relax and smile a little. Jim does the same to me. Hell, so do you. How many times have you questioned if I am a real doctor?”

“348.”

“Right, but you let me examine you, so you have faith in my skills.”

“Not necessarily, Jim orders me,” Spock said dryly.

“See you are doing it now. If you thought I was such a bad doctor I would kill you, you wouldn’t let me touch you. But when I am examining you, every word out of your mouth has to undermine me. You are teasing me. That’s friendship. What these Vulcan kids were doing were saying since you were half human you were an inferior being, that’s bullying.”

“Bullying is illogical?”

“Well, it’s mean. I’ll leave the logical stuff to you.”

“I see.”

“How did you feel when the Vulcan kids said things to you?”

“The purpose of the exercise was to get me emotional so that I would be sad. While they were talking, I would count by prime numbers and try to ignore what they said. However, when I was home, studying, I would remember what they would say and it would make me sad. I would tell Mother I was done with lessons, and Pavlo and I would go outside and play. I would be angry and throw rocks.”

“Did throwing rocks make you feel better?”

“If I could participate in the action until exhaustion, yes.”

“You know anger is a natural emotion. It means that something isn’t right. Like it isn’t okay that the Vulcans, who are supposed to be noble people, talked that way about your mother. It’s okay to be angry.”

“My parents fell in love,” whispered Spock, “And the Vulcans did not understand that concept. So they made my mother out to be a harlot and my father out to be a lothario, and I was the bastard son of their affair.”

“Spock, when we come up on a seemingly harmless planet, do we send an unarmed crew of cadets straight from the academy and explore?”

“No that would be illogical.”

“We take a small well armed crew of seasoned officers and we explore the territory. Why?”

“Because it is dangerous.”

“Because things are not always as they seem. Now apply that to your parents. To the Vulcans, it was all about sex. Now, to the humans, they probably thought it was all about power. He wanted to get a foothold on Earth, and she wanted to be married to an Ambassador. But that was really not what it was about at all. They loved each other, and you are a product of that love. It’s like Romeo and Juliet, he was from the Vulcan house, and she was from the human house. It made no sense to anyone but them. But they fell in love anyway, and it was better than the story, because this time they had you.”

“I never thought of that before.”

“Spock, every being has a basic need to have love and attention, even Vulcan children. Now if their parents all had the Kolinahr, and were not giving them that love, and they found out your father hadn’t had Kolinahr and your mom was human, that is a big reason to hate you. So when they found out they could get under your skin by going after your parents they did with vengeance cause kids are mean.”

“They called my mother a whore because they wanted affection?”

“It doesn’t make it better. But it explains their actions.”

“You hypothesize it will make the memory less painful if I see that their actions have no merit, and were driven by their own emotions, I suppose you are correct.”

“You know being unique isn’t a bad thing. Your child will be unique too. One quarter Vulcan, three-fourths human. He will struggle with his identity just as you have struggled with yours.”

“Then it is logical for me to act as a guide.”

“That is what being a parent is.”

“Lenord, I am confused. I feel light and joyous, but want to cry at the same time. Am I ill?”

“Why do you want to cry?”

“It’s illogical.”

“It’s okay, Spock.”

“My mother will never hold my child, and my child will never see Vulcan.”

“Yeah, that’s sad Spock.”

“What do I do?”

“Jim dates women, I drink, apparently you work yourself to death. You need something healthy to do when you are sad.”

“I like the lute,” said Spock. “I haven’t played it in a while.”

“You can play a musical instrument?”

“Yes.”

“Get back into it, maybe it will make you feel better.”

“Thank you for your counsel.”

“Same time next week.”

Spock nodded, and then he was out the door to find his lute.


	21. Chapter 21

“What do you mean the child will be here in nine months?” asked Spock.

“Technically about seven,” said Bones.

“The child is Vulcan. Vulcans have a thirteen month gestation period. The child will be here in eleven months.”

“Spock the child is three quarters human. Humans have nine month gestation periods, and she is eight weeks pregnant.”

“That’s illogical! To plan a wedding and arrange for the child's room we will need more time.” 

“What do you want me to do, Spock? She is due in seven months!”

“When will her pregnancy become apparent?”

“She will start showing in a month, maybe two.”

The blood drained from Spock's face. “Are you telling me that we have eight weeks to prepare for our nuptials,” whispered Spock.

“She's a tiny woman, they tend to show more,” said Bones.

Spock’s eyes got wide.

“Spock,” said Jim, grabbing his arm. “Spock, Spock, take a deep breath.”

Spock exhaled, but looked at Jim with wide eyes.

“First of all,” said Jim. “You need to stop worrying about what everyone is going to think about Nyota showing at the wedding, and panic that you are going to be responsible for three-quarters of a human being in seven months.”

“That is not humorous, Jim,” said Spock.

Jim laughed. “Okay so you thought that this was going to be a Vulcan birth and it turns out it's a human birth. No biggie.”

“It is a ‘biggie’, Jim. I am unprepared.”

“Look kids aren’t hard, just talk to my mom. I was a delight as a child.”

“You stole and wrecked your step-father’s antique corvette when you were twelve.”

“Hey, you got in fights!”

Spock stared at Bones. “That conversation was confidential.”

“What makes you think I said it?” asked Bones. “Nyota knows that story too.”

“Okay, look this kid is going to be a quarter Vulcan, and three-quarters human,” said Jim. “There is no way to know how it is going to act.”

“It is going to be a quarter, pain in the ass, and three quarters delightfully entertaining,” said Bones.

“Look, I had a step-father who hated me,” said Jim. “No one on the ship, besides Sulu, even has children, and he never sees them, because they are with their mother. And you were raised being told that at best you were essentially a result of a business arrangement between your parents, right?”

“Yes,” said Spock.

“So this kid is going to be worshiped, okay?”

“Worshiped?”

“Spock by the time the kid is five, he is going to be running the bridge more than I am, okay?”

“That is against regulations.”

“Spock, let me explain it this way. You know how you were told that you shouldn’t have been born?”

“Yes.”

“Well no one on this crew thinks like that. At least, I am going to kill them if they do. This kid is going to be told that he is special and important, and I am going to show him all over the bridge, and Bones is going to show him all over SickBay, and Scotty is going to show him all over the engine rooms. And let’s be honest, by the age he is twelve, this kid is going to be smarter than us. We will take him to New Vulcan, and Earth so he can learn about his heritage. Then when he is old enough, he can enlist in StarFleet and beat the Kobayashi Maru.”

“You will never suppress that.”

“No, cause I won, and you didn’t like it.”

“What makes you think the child will be captain?”

“Well, who grows up dreaming about being a First Officer?”

“Is that a derogatory reference?”

“I’m messing with you Spock.”

“As a friend? Leonard, you discussed that with me in session. We discussed teasing as friends on the Enterprise and teasing as being called a halfling on Vulcan in a derogatory way.”

“Wait, you can’t tell when we are teasing you and when we are trying to emotionally compromise you?”

“No, it is difficult for me. I have never had friends before, and I have only known your personalities for a year. It is hard to synthesize when you are laughing with me and laughing at me, especially when you have succeeded at emotionally compromising me.”

“Man, we talked about that. I thought you talked to Spock Prime about that. He told me I couldn’t explain it, and I had to hurt you. I didn’t want to. You weren’t getting mad at the other stuff, so I had to keep pushing you. Hell, Bones was going to kick my ass after what happened that day. Nyota too.”

“I know. I know. I bare you no ill will. I am angry at myself.”

“For what?”

“Because what you said was true,” choked Spock

“What? That’s bullshit,” cried Bones.

“No. It is why I am ill,” he said letting tears fall. “I am trying so hard to be Vulcan, I do not want to grieve for my mother. I did not want to avenge her, which is a natural human emotion, and would have honored her death. I did not want to do it because I was ashamed of my human heritage. I am ashamed of her because of Vulcan opinions I have heard my whole life. I wasn’t angry because I was being attacked, Jim. I was angry because you were insightful.”

“Hey,” said Jim.

Bones took out his tricorder and read Spock's face. “He’s exhausted,” he concluded. “When has been the last time you slept Spock?”

“Unknown,” said Spock.

“Let's take him back to his quarters,” said Jim.

“I have nightmares,” Spock muttered.

“I can give you something for that,” said Bones.

“I am acting illogical,” moaned Spock.

“Spock, you need to sleep,” said Jim. “Come on.”

They led Spock back to his room, and made him lay down. Bones gave him something for nightmares, and Spock went to sleep.

“Are we going to leave him alone?” asked Kirk.

“No, you head back to the bridge, they can run medbay without me.”

“They tend to run the bridge without me.”

“We just going to sit here and wait for him to wake up?”

“Guess so.”

“Fun being a parent.”

“Yeah, Spock’s gonna have a blast.”


	22. Chapter 22

Spock woke up and went to check on Nyota, who was at the beginning of a shift. Spock sat down and tried to do a shift too. To his amazement, he concentrated through the shift. How did they get to the Cardissa System? He felt a little better that he got eight hours of sleep from Bones medicine, and he actually felt a little hungry. He was able to sound intelligent throughout the shift, as they flew through space, and he had some information on artifacts from the science labs that he put in a report for Jim to ignore later. When the shift was over, Spock got up at the appropriate time, and saw that Nyota was leaving too.

“What are you doing in an hour?” he asked Nyota.

“I was going to go grab something to eat.”

“May I accompany you? I am starting to feel better.”

“Yeah,” she said smiling. “That’s great.”

They went to a restaurant on the ship, and got some earth food. Nyota wanted some spaghetti and Spock decided on some tortellini. He could not think of a logical reason for it, and finally told himself, he was probably underweight from not eating and needed the carbs. There, that seemed logical.

“Your stomach is feeling better?” asked Nyota.

“My appetite has slowly been increasing since the announcement of our child's conception,” said Spock. “It is most peculiar.”

“Not really, the announcement of us starting a family has pulled you out of a spiral,” she said. “It made you happy.”

“Yes, it did. As did our engagement.”

“Oh, yeah, my dad is so pissed you didn’t ask for my hand first like a gentleman. He is ready to out us to the Vulcan community.”

Spock felt the blood drain from his face, and he tried to think of a logical solution to this matter. But his fears dashed away when Nyota started to laugh.

“You lie,” said Spock wide eyed.

“I had to. Your face was so perfect,” she said laughing. “My parents do want to meet you though. They have cleared it with Kirk to come aboard a few weeks before the wedding so they can get to know you. And they want to come back so they can hold the baby.”

“Admirable ambitions. I look forward to meeting them as well.”

“You do?”

“They raised you Nyota. I want to get to know them.”

“Makena and Kamau will be at the wedding. Makena will be my maid of honor.”

“How do your siblings feel about this situation?”

“Makena is amazed that I am not going to die a virgin, and Kamau wanted to kick your ass. He changed his mind after I sent him a video of a Kal-if-fee.”

“You gave him an impression Vulcans are a violent race?”

“Spock, he is seventeen-year-old, who plays video games all day. You would kill him. Kirk could kill him. Chekov could kill him.”

“Do they care that I am half Vulcan?”

Nyota shook her head and said, “With my interest in linguistics, my parents figured I would marry outside the human race anyway. And then I told them about you about six months after we got together when things got serious. They knew that we would end up together, probably. Actually, last time my mom hailed me, she asked if you had proposed to me yet. They knew we were getting there. They’re excited about the baby.”

“Father seems pleased too,” Spock said sadly.

“What is it?”

“How long do humans grieve?”

“Um, depends on the situation. Psychologists believe that there are five main emotional responses to grief, and it just depends on how long it takes to work through them all.”

“What are the responses?”

“Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. But it is not like a line, it is more like zigzag. Some people get stuck, some people retrograde, some people skip stages.”

“I think I am a mix of depression and anger.”

“Yeah I think so.”

“I think my father is in acceptance.”

“Why do you say that?”

“I neglected to tell you this because I did not want to think about it. I have acquired a step-mother named Nesa. I am sure she will be in attendance at the wedding and the birth.”

Nyota blinked. “Okay.”

“It is in order for him to go through the ritual of pon farr.”

“Oh, yeah. She’s Vulcan?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. How do you feel about that?”

“It is logical.”

“Okay,” she said, grabbing his hand.

“I hate it,” he whispered.

“Oh, Spock,” she said.

“She is gone. He has replaced her,” said Spock.

“Hey,” whispered Nyota, pushing her chair over so she could pull him into a hug and kiss his neck. “Shh.”

“How do I stop being angry?”

“I don’t think you do,” she said, kissing his neck. “I think you learn to let it out in healthy ways. We need to get creative with you. You need an outlet, like music or art or -”

“Sex,” moaned Spock.

Nyota stopped kissing his neck and looked at Spock. It was the first time he had even said that word. Of course, they had been intimate before, she was pregnant. But Spock never talked about intimacy, not even to discuss what they liked. Spock was even embarrassed at his outburst, for it was illogical to crave intimacy so bad like that. He could get intimacy from Nyota through other interactions.

“We can try it,” whispered Nyota.

Spock shook his head. “It’s illogical.”

“Maybe that’s the point. It’s perfect.”

“You're pregnant.”

“I’m not that pregnant, and it's not like you're gonna get me more pregnant.”

Spock’s face remained passive, but his eyes got...mischievous. He reached for her hand, and they headed for Spock’s cabin.


	23. Chapter 23

Spock woke up in his bed with Nyota sleeping softly beside him. He stretched and considered his actions of the previous night. As Nyota said, there was no harm to their child for them to have intercourse, but it was foolish of him. He was acting like a wanton teenager who had no control over his emotions, thinking that the physical act of love would help him feel better. He chastised himself further Vulcans do not feel, therefore he should need to feel better. 

However, when he quietly shifted and looked to see Nyota with her hair, which was usually pulled back, cascading over her body, Spock felt the human feeling of contentment. This was going to be his future. Waking up to Nyota beside him, and feeling comforted and loved. He watched her sleep, and found her fascinating. Her eyelids fluttered, indicating that she was REM sleep and most likely experiencing a dream. Spock wandered if she was dreaming of their wedding, or their child.

For once, he had the most wonderful dream as he slept. He was taking his child to New Vulcan, and he was already gifted in math and science. Nyota was with them of course, and instead of trying to fit in, Spock decided to enjoy himself. There were stares and whispers as the family laughed and his child played on the rocks, but Spock did not care. His child enjoyed his Vulcan home and his human heritage, and that was all that mattered. However, what was bizarre of the dream was Spock could only assume the child was male, since he could not recognize the child's gender nor did the child have a name. 

Spock realized that they needed a list of possibilities so that Nyota and him could pick some. He grabbed his datapad and started a fresh document. Thinking of some names, he typed them out so that he would remember them later. A sufficient male Vulcan name was Skon, from his grandfather, and a sufficient female Vulcan name was T’Pel, from his aunt. Now for human names. For a male, many would be sufficient, James, Leonard, Scott, Pavel, Hikaru. It will be up to Nyota to decide. And for female-

“What are you thinking so hard about?” asked Nyota.

“An appropriate name for our child. The choice is yours of course, but I was gathering options.”

“Have one in mind?”

“No, there is a theme though, I have noticed. I have an odd desire for the child to be named after an acquaintance.”

“Good, that will work well with my plan.”

“You already have names picked out?”

“Amanda if it is a girl. Grayson if it is a boy.”

Spock blinked and tried to swallow a lump in his throat.

Nyota reached up and rubbed his arm. “Is that okay?”

Not trusting his voice, Spock nodded his head.

“Come here,” she said.

Spock put the datapad away and snuggled close to Nyota. She kissed him as he took deep breaths trying not to cry. He felt emotionally compromised at the thought to either gender there would be an opportunity to name his child after his mother. He was glad Nyota thought of it, since the thought would be too painful to cross his mind. They both knew eventually they needed to get up so they could make breakfast and get ready for a shift, but right now Spock needed to enjoy the closeness of his fiancee.

Nyota was ten weeks pregnant, so Spock was making preparations. From the books that Lenord had given him, Spock made Nyota eat first thing in the morning. She had either crackers, a granola bar, applesauce, bananas, pretzels, yogurt, or toast as a small snack before breakfast. Spock used an algorithm so he wasn’t serving her the same thing everyday and she got sick of it. Also with her meal was a small dose of pill vitamins he had gotten from McCoy. Nyota took all of them, and that made him...happy, no satisfied.

On the bridge Nyota was as quick witted and smart as ever. She had a small bump in her lower abdomen, but since she was wearing dresses as her uniform she wasn't uncomfortable, yet.

One day Kirk requested to see her and Spock a few minutes before shift started.

“Captain,” she said.

“Hey,” Jim said. “I got a confession to make.”

“What?”

“I didn’t pay attention to the Maternity/Paternity part of regulation class.”

“I am under the assumption that you failed to comply with any part of the Regulation class,” said Spock.

“Yeah, cause I was learning how to use a condom, which turned out to be more useful,” said Kirk.

“What do you want?” asked Nyota, annoyed.

“How much leave do you need?” asked Kirk. “It’s not in the book.”

“The standard 6 weeks,” said Nyota.

“Section 19.31.7,” said Spock.

“I am trying to be nice, Spock,” growled Kirk. “Yeah that’s fine. You both can have that time off and stay with the baby. Then, we can put him in the nursery and Nurse Chapel will look after him with Bones.”

“That is acceptable,” said Spock.

“Okay, thanks Kirk,” said Nyota.

“When is the wedding?” asked Jim. “Bones and I are trying to plan a bachelor party and Sulu wants in on it.”

“What is the logic behind this human tradition?” said Spock.

“The logic is to get shitfaced. I will explain it later,” said Jim.

“Well, actually before the wedding,” said Nyota. “My parents want to come aboard and meet Spock. They will be here in a week.”


	24. Chapter 24

Spock looked at Nyota. “Your parents are coming to the Enterprise?”

“Yeah, I said they wanted to meet you.”

“I incorrectly assumed that we were going to be meeting at the wedding.”

“No, they want to get to know you before the wedding.”

“To what purpose?”

“So they can break you up if they disprove,” said Kirk.

“Go to your post,” snapped Nyota.

“Are you giving me orders?” asked Kirk.

Her glare answered him, and he quietly slinked away.

“Spock,” she said. “I am getting married. They just don’t want my wedding night to be the first chance they get to know you. You have introduced me to your father.”

“Is Kirk correct? Do they desire to terminate our relationship?” asked Spock quietly.

“Honey, I am pregnant and engaged. They just want to make sure that you are a good guy.”

“They are questioning my morality?”

“They aren’t questioning anything. They don’t know you. They are curious.”

“What is expected of me?”

“Just be yourself.”

Spock asked Jim for advice, who said that he never got serious about a girl to meet her parents. He went to Bones for advice and got told that no matter what he did he was going to be hated, so just relax and enjoy himself. Finally, he went to Sulu who was the only one he knew he had a happy marriage, but to his disappointment Sulu was not any help either.

“In laws are bitches,” said Sulu. “As long as you get the girl, and they are usually lightyears away, that is the best you can ask for.”

He was combing his hair, trying the best to look presentable, when there was a knock on his door.

“Enter,” he said.

Nyota came in with a blue dress that was out of uniform that hid her pregnancy and looked stunning on her. Adorning her was his mothers necklace, and their engagement ring. Spock allowed himself a soft smile, since she really did look beautiful.

“I see you in red so often,” he said. “That color suits you.”

“It matches the necklace and the ring.”

“Yes,” he said. 

“My parents are here,” she said. “Are you nervous?”

“Very. They are statistically less likely to harm you.”

She laughed, “I’ll protect you.”

“I would prefer no one protect me. If your father and I engage in honorable man to man combat I have the physical advantage-”

“Spock, it was a joke.” She walked up to him and kissed him, then grabbed his hand. “Let’s go.”

Nyota lead Spock to the teleportation pad, where the whole bridge crew were.

“You nervous?” asked Bones to Spock.

“It is illogical.”

“You should be.”

Two people beamed aboard, a male and woman human in their late fifties.

“Nyota,” said the woman, and came down from the pad to hug her.

“Hi, Mom,” she said.

“Stardust!” cried the man, coming down to hug Nyota.

“Hey, Daddy,” said Nyota.

“First time I have flown in space,” said Mrs. Uhura. “I see why you have been obsessed since you were a little girl.”

“It’s amazing. Mom, Dad, this is Captain Kirk,” she said motioning to Jim. 

“How do you do?” asked Jim.

“Our chief engineer, Scotty.”

“Hello,” nodded Scotty. 

“Co-pilot ensign Checkov.”

“Nice to make your acquaintance,” waved Checkov.

“Pilot Mr. Sulu.”

“How do you do?” nodded Sulu.

“Chief Medical Officer, Dr. McCoy. We call him Bones.”

“Can I leave with you?” asked Bones wide-eyed.

Mr. and Mrs. Uhura laughed.

“I wasn’t being funny,” said Bones.

“And this is our Chief Science Officer, Mr. Spock,” said Nyota.

“Good afternoon,” said Spock.

“Your the fiance,” asked Mr. Uhura.

“Yes,” said Spock.

“Well, I don’t know how things work on Vulcan but I am pretty sure you marry the girl, then you get her pregnant. Or maybe that is not how your parents did it.”

“Alhamisi!” cried Nyota’s mom.

“Dad!” yelled Nyota.

“Aren’t Vulcans supposed to be moral?” asked Mr. Uhura.

“Dad, enough!” cried Nyota.

“Or were you taught differently?”

“Dad stop!”

“Do you know what you have done?” added Nyota’s father. “What your people are going to say about her and the baby all of their lives? You're a Vulcan, what were you thinking?!”

Spock said nothing.

“Are you not even going to answer me?”

“I have learned when someone wants an emotional answer from me, it is prudent of me to remain silent until they walk away and I can answer them logically later.”

“You son of a…”

“Finish that sentence,” said Kirk, “And Spock won’t kill you, I will. Look so they screwed around before they got married, and they got pregnant. So what? It's the 2250’s. I am just proud of Spock for being emotionally mature enough to have a girlfriend. If you want to be mad at Spock, you better be mad at your daughter, cause last health class I took sex involved two people! Look you are going to have a grandchild, and people who don't know it are going to give looks and whispers all of its life, you’re gonna want it to run to you. I have said this before and I will say it again. I will tell this kid from day one that he is the most special, smartest, cutest kid I will ever see. But he won’t believe it until he hears it from you. So are you going to get on board or not?”

“The child will be bullied?” asked Mr. Uhura.

“By vulcans,” said Kirk. “Spock was bullied for being half-human, half-vulcan.”

“And Spock is taking responsibility despite the fact that he will bring shame to himself and his family.”

“Yeah that is why he is marrying Nyota, so that he can make the situation better, plus he loves her.”

“He loves her? Do Vulcans love?”

“They have a procedure that erases emotion, but his father did not go through it so he could be in love with his mother, and Spock did not go through with it so he could be with Nyota.”

“He loves Nyota and he loves the baby.”

“He is obsessed with the baby. I am lucky if I can get him to do a shift. This is like a new Spock.”

“I thought she was marrying a machine practically, or he had sex with her because he was driven by instincts.”

“No he has very strong emotions. He gets sick when he bottles them up, so we are teaching him to act on them. He is really picking up on being romantic with Nyota. He designed the engagement ring, and planned the proposal, with a little help.”

“Spock, I owe you an apology.”

“Actually, I understand your objections sir. You thought that Nyota and I had engaged in pon farr and I was going to leave her with the child. I should have been more clear. All my life I have striven to honor the Vulcan tradition, since it was logical due to I was surrounded by Vulcans and chastised for my human emotions. Only this past year have I been around humans, and been divulging human emotions. I am ill-prepared at performing this adequately, and require assistance, but I am learning.”

“So you are learning how to be human, to what purpose?”

“Primary purpose will be to interact with my child, who will be three-forths human. It is illogical if the child is emotional, and I can not interact with it because I am unable to learn to be emotional. Secondary purpose will be to interact with Nyota. As husband and wife, we will need to interact emotionally, and I will not be able to do that if I am fully Vulcan. Tertiary purpose is health reasons. I fell ill on the anniversary of my mothers death, and if I am unable to learn how to grieve properly, the process will repeat itself.”

“Spock, you are actually remarkable.”

“If you find me impressive, your grandchild will be quite pleasurable indeed.”


	25. Chapter 25

They had shown Nyota’s parents around the Enterprise and they were very impressed with it.

“It’s a pretty ship,” said Nyota’s dad.

“Pretty?” asked Jim, offended.

“You will have to forgive Jim,” said Nyota. “He is trying to figure out how to be legally married to a ship.”

Spock cocked his head, and looked at his crewmates. This was news to him. Then Bones caught his expression and rolled his eyes.

“Joke?” Spock asked.

“Yes,” said Bones.

Spock allowed his lips to curl upward, and he continued to walk with the rest of the party through the crew of the Enterprise. Finally, they sat down to dinner. Many Earth foods were around the table, but as was custom set by Jim, Spock had a drink of Vulcan mocha, which reminded him of home. He took a sip, it tasted delicious tonight, the beans were brewed to perfection. 

“So Spock,” said Nyota’s mom. “Did you grow up on Vulcan or Earth?”

“Vulcan, but I visited Earth with trips with my father, and to see my mother’s family during the human holiday of...Christmas, when Father wasn’t working?”

“Do you like Earth?”

“Preferring one planet over another is illogical, but I did find Earth...fascinating. There was much to study. I almost have the desire to do a mission to the planet.”

“Were not going to Iowa,” said Jim.

“Nope,” said Bones. “Let's go somewhere fun like San Francisco.”

“Oh, fuck no,” cried Sulu. “Let’s go to Scotland.” 

“Scotland? How the hell are we gonna land this thing in Scotland?” cried Scotty.

Nyota laughed. 

“Spock what was Vulcan like?” asked Nyota’s father.

“The Vulcans are a very noble race. They have dedicated themselves to the study of knowledge since an early age, and they do not let anything interfere. To most races they are seen as cold and distant due to their attitudes towards emotions, but their knowledge is surpassed by no one. The planet itself aided this attitude. It had a landscape that encouraged scientific curiosity, but also fostered a stoic sense of honor and dignity.”

“You must be proud to be one of them,” said Nyota’s mother.

“I am not Vulcan,” said Spock.

“Spock,” said Jim. “Come on.”

“But it is true, Jim,” said Spock, “I am a half Vulcan. I am more emotional than any Vulcan I have ever met.”

“Spock’s parents met when Spocks father was on duty as ambassador to Earth,” said Nyota. “As a human Ambassador, his father did not have a procedure that made him erase emotions, which a lot of Vulcans had done, so he fell in love with Spock's mother. Many of the Vulcans did not understand it, and Spock and his family got shit for it all of their lives.”

“So Vulcan’s are capable of emotions, but it is frowned upon?” asked Nyota’s father.

“Precisely,” said Spock.

“Your parents are very brave,” said Nyota’s mother. “Were you raised Vulcan or human?”

“I was raised as a Vulcan,” said Spock. “But I have always felt like an outsider. During my entrance exam to the Vulcan Academy, a minister called my mother a ‘disadvantage’ to my education. The comment angered me so much I declined acceptance to the Vulcan Academy and accepted entrance to StarFleet Academy.”

“That one damn Vulcan could have shut his mouth, and Spock would be in a lab somewhere annoying some other doctor,” said Bones.

Spock smiled a little. “Humans seem to find me...odd, but not inferior. In a way, I prefer them to Vulcans, but I find it difficult to grasp their nature. Perhaps watching a child grow will help me understand.”

“You and Nyota seem to get along,” said Nyota’s father.

“He gets humanity,” said Nyota. “He certainly swept me off my feet, did everything right. You just don’t like your humanity.”

“What does that mean?” asked Nyota’s mother.

“Vulcan was destroyed last year,” Spock whispered, “and my mother perished on it. I made several regrettable actions in its wake.”

“You can’t say it like that,” said Jim. “They're going to think you killed somebody. I acted like an ass and he punched me. Everybody cried, we shook hands, killed the Romulans, and saved Earth. It ended okay.”

“Nyota witnessed her uncle Raheem killed in a Space Walk accident,” said Nyota’s mother. “He was my brother. We all struggled with that. I was angry when he died. He left a wife and two children. When the loss is sudden and senseless, it is so difficult.”

“Yes,” said Spock. “My planet was attacked, but the attacker was deranged. There was no logic behind the attack. It was careful and calculated, but senseless. I can achieve no relief from understanding his purpose.”

“Don’t try too. There is no way to understand the mind of a mass murder, Spock. All you are going to do is get yourself hurt. Someone killed your mother, and there is no reason why. Work through that. Peace will only come that way.”

“I hope you achieve peace about your brother.”

“I have, but it takes time.”

“Well, I am never taking you anywhere,” said Nyota, “This is depressing as shit.”

Nyota’s mother laughed. “What are the wedding plans?”

“Okay, so my plan is…”


	26. Chapter 26

Nyota’s wedding plan was to have the wedding theme centered around her necklace. The blue Vulkaya and gold accents with white interspaced throughout made everything look beautiful. Spock was content that his mother’s necklace inspired the theme of the wedding. It made him think he had his mother’s blessing, but he shook his head of the illogical thought. 

A lot of things were from Earth, like the flowers, the music, and the food. Nyota’s mother asked how many Vulcans Spock was planning to invite, saying she wanted to make it socially acceptable for them. Spock was grateful for the gesture, but he explained he only intended to invite his father and his step-mother.

“Oh, is this marriage shameful in the Vulcan community?” asked Nyota’s mother.

“Possibly,” said Spock. “My father’s was.”

“So are you ashamed of Nyota or the child?”

“Neither, I have no acquaintances within the Vulcan community I wish to share this memory with. All of my...friends are human.”

“I do not understand.”

“As I have said before, my parents’ marriage was misunderstood in the Vulcan community. My father was a traitor, my mother was a harlot, and I was the bastard son of their union. Due to this fact, I had no Vulcan friends. I had one Vulcan servant who befriended me as a child, and I do wish he would be here to witness our union, but he did not survive Vulcan’s destruction. The only Vulcans invited will be my father and his wife because they are the only ones whose opinion of the affair I value.”

“My husband and I have rushed to so many opinions about you. You are nothing like I have expected.”

“We will have to spend a lot of time together to understand one another.”

“I look forward to it.”

* * *

Spock wasn’t allowed to see the wedding dress before the wedding. Nyota told him it was bad luck, to which he replied that was illogical.

“It’s not stupid. It’s tradition,” she said at lunch getting ready to go to her fitting.

“It’s a rule, Spock,” said Jim. “You like rules.”

“I see the value in rules that are logical. This is a superstition that has lasted since arranging marriages in biblical times. This rule is illogical. I am curious about the dress.”

“No!” said everyone.

“You have to be patient,” said Nyota.

“What can she not see?” asked Spock.

“You can withhold sex until the wedding,” said Bones. “But that is going to hurt you more than her.”

Jim put his hand to his mouth and took a deep breath, and Scotty bit his lip and scratched his head.

Spock thought for a minute. “We have two weeks’ leave for the honeymoon.”

“Yes,” said Nyota.

“I will be silent on our destination and activities.”

“Spock that is not fair. I have to plan it,” cried Nyota.

“I will see to everything.”

“Spock, I am pregnant there are some things I can’t do!”

“I have taken that into account.”

“Spock, you can’t punish me for a superstition I have no control over.”

“Yes, I can.”

“Spock!”

“You are dismissed, Lieutenant.”

Nyota looked at him shocked and then stomped away.

Jim removed his hand from his mouth and showed a huge grin. Sulu dropped his fork in his plate because he was laughing so hard. Bones reached into his pocket and pulled out a 21st-century pill bottle and popped an aspirin.

“I remember asking Nyota,” said Jim, “What it was like when they fight. That was it, ladies and gentlemen.”

“Where are you taking her, Mr. Spock?” asked Checkov.

“The less you know, the less likely Nyota will find out.”

“Come on, Spock. We can keep a secret,” said Jim.

“I have been doing some research, and I think we should go to Earth. I wanted to take her somewhere where she can experience the whole country and I selected Italy. It would be a week and a half trip. We would spend the night in Venice for three days, Florence for five days, then Rome for three days.”

“Ohh,” said Checkov.

“If that doesn’t sweep her off of her feet nothing will,” said Bones.

“I don’t want to make her fall down,” said Spock.

“It’s romantic, Spock,” said Jim. “She is going to love it. And so will you. You will learn a lot about human emotions.”

“And sex,” said Bones.

Jim hit him.

“My father took my mother to Paris for their honeymoon,” said Spock. “But mother said they didn’t see much of the city. I decided against taking Nyota there.”

Checkov cocked his head and looked at Jim like he was unsure how to proceed. Bones stifled a laugh. Jim just rolled his eyes. Sulu stared at Spock like he just realized the Vulcan was stupid.

“You know if they didn’t see much of the city-” said Scotty.

“No!” cried Sulu, Bones, and Jim.

Checkov couldn’t help himself and was holding his sides laughing.

“Jim, please explain this humor,” asked Spock.

“Go on your honeymoon, and if you still have questions, I’ll explain everything.”


	27. Chapter 27

“Is there a logical technique to determine the cake?” asked Nyota.

“Baked correctly,” said Spock, “but taste is an aesthetic value. And unlike beauty, it does not have a mathematical dimension.”

“Beauty has a mathematical dimension?”

“Yes.”

“Am I mathematically beautiful?”

“Yes. I was quite pleased when I found this out. And when our child is born, he or she will be drawn to your face, almost instantly.”

Nyota smiled. “So since there is no mathematical correct flavor, what is your favorite flavor?”

“As a child, there were crystals that I mixed in water to flavor it. I preferred lemon, but only for water. For sweets, I prefer the mocha flavor.”

“Mocha?”

“Coffee and chocolate.”

“Hmm. We might agree on this.”

There were twenty different cake samples for Spock and Nyota to try. Although Spock was only taking nibbles of the samples, his stomach was not used to him eating this much food at once. He drank some water and just slowed down. Finally, he all together stopped. He wasn’t enjoying any of the foods, and he wished he could vomit to get everything out of his system. This was simply too much sugar.

“Mmh, Spock this one is it. Chocolate Cappuccino Torte.”

“I believe you,” he said stiffly.

“What is wrong?”

“I shall return shortly,” he said.

He made his way through the floor of the Enterprise and found the nearest restroom. He prayed to whatever god would listen that it was empty, but an ensign was in there. Spock went into a stall and heaved the contents of his stomach into the toilet. He finally cleaned up the toilet and went out to wash his face.

“You alright, Mr. Spock?” said the ensign.

“Yes, William,” said Spock. “Please make no mention of this to anyone. I will inform the Captain myself.”

“Yes, sir,” said William.

“Thank you.”

Spock washed his hands, leaving the restroom in pristine condition. He walked out and was headed back to the cake tasting when he saw Nyota leaning against the wall.

“You threw up?” she asked.

Spock tried to think of a good lie. “I was overcome with excitement and the food got caught in my esophagus-”

“Shut up.”

Spock obeyed.

“Do you have a fever?” she said, putting a hand on his head. Biting her lip, she said, “You're a little warm.”

“Lenard gave me an injection. I do not know why I am ill.”

“Stress can compromise an immune system. Let’s go to Sickbay.”

“We must decide on a flavor. We are running out of time.”

“Mocha sounds good.”

“I agree. We should inform the caterer at once.”

“Sickbay.”

“May I go to my room and simply rest? It is more comfortable.”

Nyota took out her communicator, and signaled Medical.

“McCoy.”

“Spock’s sick. He is begging me not to send him to Sickbay.”

“If he comes another time this quarter, he is off duty for a month automatically, regulations.”

“Can you see him off the books?”

“Symptoms?”

“Vomiting and a fever.”

“Does his throat hurt?”

Spock shook his head.

“No.”

“Looking at the onset of the flu. Bring him to Sickbay. I’m sorry, Spock.”

* * *

Spock was laying in a cradle again, while Bones looked over him with a tricorder. Nyota was standing by watching to see what would become of her fiancé.

Suddenly, Kirk stormed into the Sickbay. “Bones, what is the meaning of this? I know you and Spock do not like each other but why am I down a Science Officer?” demanded Kirk.

“The fault is mine, Captain,” said Spock. “I have passed out, had a seizure, and now contracted the flu. Regulations state I am unfit for duty.”

“You told him that?” cried Kirk.

“Jim, can I talk to you in my office?” said Bones.

Jim and Bones walked into the Doctor's office trying to act like they weren’t royally pissed at each other. Nyota stayed by her fiancé's side, and stroked his hair trying to coax him into falling asleep.

Jim and Bones walked into the office and the door shut.

“We are trying to get Spock to open up and telling him he is essentially emotionally compromised is not helping,” said Jim.

“Well, it wouldn’t be a problem if you hadn’t stolen the ship from him a few hours after his mothers death by making it apparent to everyone that he is emotionally compromised,” said Bones.

“So this is my fault?”

“Just assume for now on, everything is your fault.”

“You snuck me on this ship.”

“Yeah, so you could be useful, not so you can make an ass of yourself.”

“Spock’s plan was going to get a lot of people killed.”

“So your plan was to make him think that grief was wrong?”

“Vulcans were telling him that grief was wrong!”

“And you reinforced the idea! Now he has passed out from low blood sugar, had a seizure, and contracted the flu, because you had to be Captain.”

“People were going to die Bones!”

“You know I don't think your fathers plaque says ‘saved thousands of innocent lives, killed his best friend’.”

Kirk saw red, and he pulled his fist back.


	28. Chapter 28

Kirk did a right cross to Bones’ mouth, but Bones moved out of the way and punched Jim in the ribs. A little winded Jim danced around a little and tried an uppercut which connected with Bones jaw. Dazed Bones fell backwards against his bookshelf, and then lunged for Kirk and kneed him in the groin. Kirk fell to his knees again, but socked Bones right in the stomach, which made Bones fall to his knees. The two wrestled on the floor for a minute, until a bug bit Kirk on the ear.

“Aah!” Kirk screamed, sitting up and trying to brush the bug off, but he found sharp nails and he looked up to see the impassive eyes of Spock.

“Damn you, Spock,” screamed Bones. “Let go!”

“This is unbecoming of StarFleet officers. I will let go when you promise to cease your actions.”

“Fine,” said Kirk.

“Fine,” said Bones.

Spock let go of their ears. “Come on,” he said, and led them out of the room.

“Spock, you're not released,” said Bones. “Spock! You got the flu!”

“Let him go,” said Jim. “We have lost all authority.”

They got up and followed Spock to the elevator. Spock was silent as he led them down to one of the restaurants on the ship. It was a sleek restaurant and bar that was open but it wasn’t serving many people right now, because most people were on duty. Spock went up to the bar, and sat down, and Jim and Bones sat on either side of him.

“What will it be?” asked the bartender.

“Scotch on the rocks,” said Spock. “Doubles for them.”

“How do you know how to drink?” asked Jim.

“How do you know what we drink?” asked Bones.

“Nyota taught me to answer you Jim, and I am very observant, Lenord.”

“I don’t like that,” said Bones.

The bartender poured their drinks and they all sipped on it.

“I heard arguing in the MedBay,” said Spock, “and as an officer I went to investigate. When I found out it was the two of you I listened to what you are arguing about.”

“That’s nosey,” said Bones.

“Scientific curiosity,” said Spock. “I have explored both of your premises logically. Doctor’s premise is that given my history, I must be labeled emotionally compromised and unfit for duty since that will be the only way to ensure I do not injure myself by returning to full duty prematurely. Captain, your premise is that given my history of being labeled emotionally compromised, I will become further ill and thus delaying my restoration to health. You're both wrong.”

“You love saying that don’t you?” said Bones.

“What do you mean, Spock?” asked Jim.

“I have been reading human books that remind me of my mother. In Romeo and Juliet, doesn’t Shakespear quote, ‘What’s in a name? that which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.’”

“So even if we didn’t use the words emotionally compromised, you would still be emotionally compromised,” asked Jim.

“Precisely.”

“What do you want to call it?” asked Bones.

“The words ‘sick and pale with grief’ are acceptable,” said Spock.

“We gotta get you to stop quoting Shakespear. I am still not going to know what you are talking about,” said Bones.

“Spock what is going to get you better?” asked Jim.

The bartender handed them their drinks, and Spock took a sip. “Nyota’s hypothesis is the wedding, honeymoon, and birth of my child.”

“Okay, she is four months pregnant now, and the wedding is in a month.”

“Speaking of which, we got to plan the bachelor party,” said Bones. “And we are not going to be in the labs categorizing rocks.”

“I categorize artifacts,” said Spock. “Sometimes it is not just a rock, but a piece of civilization-”

“Yeah, whatever,” said Bones. “Checkov, Sulu, Scotty, Jim and me, all know how to party. The problem is going to be the guest of honor. What are we going to do Jim?”

“The girls are going to do Nayota's baby shower and bachelorette party combined because Nayota can’t drink.”

“So Spock can drink.”

“We are not getting Spock drunk.”

“Come on, it’s an experiment! You like experiments, Spock!”

“I do not believe indulging in alcohol to the point of inducing vomiting on the night proceeding my nuptials is an experiment. For one it has been done enough times to be replicated that the results can be confirmed. I will fall ill and feel miserable in the morning,” said Spock.

“What if we don’t get him that drunk,” said Bones.

“No, Bones!” cried Jim. “Hey, I have pulled your log, Spock. You have been spending a lot of time in the Computer room during off time. Less time now but still a lot. What are you doing?”

“It is illogical, sir.”

“Remember what Bones said. We don’t love you cause you are logical, but despite of it.”

Spock nodded, but his eye twinkled at the joke. “I have been setting the Computer room for Vulcan and been exploring. There is a place where you can fly a ship around a canyon, and the computer room simulator allows me to do this.”

“Is it fun?”

“Sometimes I fly the ship down the scale of the canyon wall, an approximate 8,000 feet drop. In my human nature, I find it most exhilarating.”

“Would you feel comfortable sharing this experience, or is it too personal?”

“Wait a minute, Jim,” said Bones.

“You mean go flying to complete the bachelor party requirement?” said Spock. “Most interesting, who are you suggesting to come? The bridge crew that Leonard mentioned earlier.”

“Too many?”

“No.”

“Tomorrow night.”

“This is most acceptable.”


	29. Chapter 29

Spock enjoyed showing his friends flying over New Vulcan. Kirk and Sulu had a ball, Scotty got scared, and Bones got sick. Spock wasn’t sure what was the objective of a bachelor party, but Kirk informed him it was a success. Nyota said that since she couldn’t drink, and it was too uncomfortable to go dancing because of the baby, so Nurse Chapel, Carol Marcus, and Lieutenant Elizabeth Palmer all took her out for a spa day and dinner, which was wonderful. They both told each other they had wonderful nights, and spent the rest of the evening designing the baby’s room.

On Monday, it was the week of the wedding, and Spock’s father and stepmother were arriving within the hour, and Nyota’s parents were coming back tonight. The six of them were having dinner tonight, and Spock was sick to his stomach again. As instructed by Leonard, Spock was eating saltine crackers and some ginger ale earlier that day.

The whole bridge crew was there when Spock’s family arrived.

“Ambassador,” said Kirk. “Welcome back aboard the Enterprise.”

“Hello, Captain Kirk,” said Sarek. “Thank you for hosting this event. This is my wife, Nesa.”

“Pleasure to meet you,” said Kirk, giving the Vulcan salute.

Nesa gave the Vulcan salute, but did not smile, and she cocked her head as if trying to understand why Kirk said it was a “pleasure” to meet her. She was not pleasurable. Finally, she thought of something to say, “I wish to convey the expression of gratitude for stopping the Romulans from destroying other worlds.”

“Uh, your welcome.”

Nesa gave a curt nod.

“Father,” said Spock, giving the Vulcan salute.

Sarek gave the Vulcan salute back. “How are you son?” he asked.

“I am feeling much better,” said Spock. “But I am not acting logical.”

“Perhaps my hypothesis was incorrect. You must not choose a world, but navigate both. It is possible, your child will be the same way.”

“Many have said that.” Spock turned to Nesa, and said, “My gratitude for you coming all this way.”

Nesa nodded.

Sarek and Nesa walked into the ship and an ensign showed them to their room.

Bones looked over to Spock who was rubbing his temple.

“You okay?” said Bones.

"My head hurts."

"What's the emotion?"

“Why do I have a human desire to see my mother?”

“Cause your step mom’s a bitch?”

“Bones!” said Jim. “Hey, she will warm up to you. She will definitely warm up to the baby.”

“Statistically unlikely,” said Spock.

“Well, they are on Vulcan, and you are on the Enterprise,” reasoned Jim. “You won’t see her a lot.”

“Screw her, Spock. You are good at that,” said Bones.

“Hey, I had a step-dad who hated me. Just don't spend time with her,” said Jim. “Come on.”

Spock walked over to Nyota, and he gave a soft smile to her, and gently caressed her cheek.

“You okay?” she asked.

Spock nodded.

“What are you thinking?”

“I have the illogical desire for you to meet my mother instead of my step-mother.”

“Yeah. I wish I could meet your mom too. Your dad seems nice.”

“He is trying to play on his emotional side.”

“He loves you, Spock.”

“He looks forward to the birth of our child.”

“He’s not the only one,” she grinned. “Ahh, next week we are going to be on Vulcan?”

“Why would I take you there?”

“You got to tell me where we are going.”

“You know our bargain. I want to see the dress.”

“Spock, it’s tradition.”

“Then I will remain silent.”

Nyota frowned playfully, and Spock gave a soft smile. “Would either of your father or step-mother be interested in seeing the designs for the baby room?” Nyota asked.

Spock cocked his head. “I am not sure. But my father has expressed interest in the revelation of the gender. He is already trying to decide what books to study for the child's developmental growth.”

“Okay. We’ll tell everyone when my parents arrive.”

* * *

Later that evening, Nyota’s family came. Her father and mother were beaming down and Nyota’s sister, who was in awe of the landscape of the Enterprise, and her brother, who was playing a video game.

Nyota greeted them all with hugs and kisses, and re-introduced them to the crew.

“Finally, this is Ambassador Sarek,” Nyota said, introducing them to Spock’s father. “And this is his wife, Nesa.”

“Ambassador Sarek,” said Nyota’s father, extending his hand, “Pleasure to meet you.”

“Pleasure to meet you,” said Sarek, taking it.

They went down to the dining room to eat, and there was the crew, buzzing with excitement. Sulu and Checkov were shaking hands with each other a glint of hunger in their eyes. Finally Kirk called everyone to sit down to eat and everybody sat. The meal was delicious made of primary human foods, but several Vulcan delicacies. Spock had a Mocha shake, a salad, and some soup.

Sarek raised his eyebrow in amusement to his son still eating a mocha shake at dinner. That was his favorite dessert on Vulcan as Sarek recalled. Amanda would rescind it if Spock had gotten in a fight that week in school. That seemed to work far better than Sarek’s lectures on emotion.

“What is amusing, Father?” asked Spock.

“To use a human idiom, some things never change,” answered Sarek.

Spock cocked his head, but continued eating.

“The wedding is in a week,” asked Nyota’s mom. “Is everything ready?”

“I think so,” said Nyota. “The main things that can go wrong now are the rings get lost or the officiant screws up.”

“Hey!” cried McCoy and Kirk at the same time.

Spock’s lips twitched.

“Are you alright Spock?” asked Nesa.

“Nyota was implying that Jim or Leonard would unintentionally sabotage the ceremony next week. I found it humorous,” answered Spock.

Nesa cocked her head, not finding any humor.

“Well,” said Kirk. “We’re not going to ‘unintentionally’ sabotage it.”

Nyota slammed her hand on the table, and Spock rubbed it. Jim and Bones smirked at her reaction. Sulu put his hand over his mouth and tried to hide his amusement.

“Shut up, Sulu!” barked Nyota.

“Come on,” he said grinning. “The minute you put these two in charge of anything you know shit is going to go down.”

“He is right,” said Spock. “Statiscally, Kirk can not even fail properly.”

“Hey!” cried Kirk. “You bring up that damn test one more time, and you are going to get a kick in your Vulcan ass.”

“Statistically unlikely considering our last fights,” countered Spock.

“Ooh,” cried Sulu.

“I hate you, Spock,” cried Jim.

Spock laughed, and clasped Nyota’s hand.

“You're emotionally compromised,” said Nesa.

The room fell silent.


	30. Chapter 30

The room was quiet for a moment and everyone was glancing from Spock to Nesa. Staring at his salad, Spock tried to think of something to say that would satisfy Nesa without explaining anymore than he had too.

“You know there is a human term for observations like that,” started Bones.

“Lenord, enough,” said Spock. “Nesa, you are mistaken. My friends are attempting to elicit emotional responses in me so that I am not emotionally compromised.”

Nesa blinked, “That is illogical.”

“Not really,” said Nyota. “Spock is half human and half Vulcan. He becomes emotionally compromised when he swings from one nature to another. By marrying the two natures and using them both concurrently, he will be able to function more easily, as a true hybrid.”

Kirk cleared his throat. “Ma’am, we are running a social experiment to see if Spock...responds better after exhibiting human emotion. We have been running it for about three months now, and so far the results are positive.”

“What are his results biologically, Dr. McCoy?” asked Sarek.

“Spock is doing quite well. His blood pressure is down, he can eat, and he hasn’t been in SickBay in a month. Best thing is I feel better, because he is not a constant pain in the ass. I even am enjoying my contribution to the experiment,” said Bones.

“What contribution?” asked Nyota’s mother.

“As I have mentioned earlier,” said Spock, “I have lost my mother and my planet. The contribution that Leonard is referring to is that I complete a weekly hour of therapeutic dialogue with him in an attempt to alleviate the emotion of grief. I am unsure if it is working.”

“Well, you're not doing it right,” fired back Bones.

“It’s working,” said Nyota. “If anything he is getting out of the lab.”

“A Vulcan is experimenting with human emotion?” asked Nesa. “That is illogical.”

“I thought Vulcans were an emotional race,” said Nyota. “They just chose logic over emotion because it offered peace.”

“I never knew that,” said Nyota’s father.

“It is true,” said Sarek. “Vulcan children are taught logic as an avenue not to feel, and when they are adults they purge emotion in a Vulcan ritual. As ambassador to Earth, I decided against this, and for his love of his human mother, Spock decided against this as well.”

Nyota’s parents started talking at once and their words jumbled together to create in Spock’s mind “How lab feeling, Spock?” Spock cocked his head and decided to ask them to repeat themselves instead of stupidly saying the lab felt fine.

“What lab?” asked Nyota’s father.

“How are you feeling, Spock?” asked Nyota’s mother.

Spock nodded, now that he had more clarity. “To answer you Alhamisi, I am mainly working in the artifacts lab, where I study different items that we can scavenge from different civilizations. It is fascinating. Then if I am on the bridge I am identifying planets and discussing if it is worth investigating. And to answer you, M'Umbha, I was feeling very ill, until I learned of our child’s conception, then I began to be more complicit with doctors orders. Now I am mainly tired, and am grateful for the order of light duty, although I worry my work is being neglected.”

“Some doodad from god-knows-what-planet has to wait til next week to get a serial number,” said Bones. “Who cares?”

“They are not doodads!” said Spock, almost offended. “Any more than your medical tricorder is a thing-a-mi-bob! They are artifacts, and I need to catalogue them!” 

“I am not captain of the ship,” said Kirk. “My job is to keep them from killing each other. Sulu is captain of the ship.”

Sulu puffed out his chest. 

“It’s a fine ship, Sulu,” said Nyota’s father.

“Thank you, sir,” said Sulu.

“So,” said Nayota’s mom. “Am I having a granddaughter or a grandson?”

“She won’t tell us!” cried Kirk.

“Make her tell us, Captain,” said Chekov.

“I order you to tell us, Lieutenant,” said Kirk.

“Sulu is Captain of the ship,” said Nyota.

Spock smirked, and took a bite of his vegetables. 

“Nyota, please!” cried Sulu.

“Alright, well, Spock and I were discussing names, and we decided on if it was female it would be ‘Amanda’ and if it was a male it would be ‘Grayson’, after Spock's mom,” said Nyota.

“Oh,” said Nyota’s mom.

Nyota clutched her stomach, smiled, and said, “It’s gonna be Amanda.”

“Oh, a girl,” cried Nyota’s mom. “And such a beautiful name.” She got up to hug Nyota, and she was followed by Nyota’s father. All of the crew got up and tried to hug Nyota. They wanted to hug Spock, but they didn’t want to embarrass him in front of his father and stepmother. Spock watched the affair with wonder, and looked over to see what his parents' reaction was, but he only saw Nesa.

“Where is Father?” Spock asked Nesa.

“He excused himself.”

Spock got up and went in search of his father. He had an idea where the Vulcan Ambassador was.


	31. Chapter 31

Spock looked for his father at the transporter platform looking at transporter three. Spock knew what he was thinking about. That was where his mother would have transported to if she hadn't fallen. Spock would look at it and cry sometimes lately.

“Father, are you well?” asked Spock.

“Yes,” said Sarek.

“Does the name displease you?”

“No.”

“Please speak your mind.”

“I am simply having the illogical thought that it will be nice to call someone ‘Amanda’.”

“I do not understand.”

“I am fully Vulcan and must grieve the way that is appropriate with the Vulcan culture. It was logical to mourn and then proceed with life. As part of that proceedings, I had an arranged marriage with your step-mother. All of this is dictated by the Vulcan way of life.”

“Yes.”

Then Sarek let out a sob, “But I miss your mother. I can not bring myself to love Nesa the way I loved Amanda. I don’t think my love for her has died, it just can not be expressed. The only way I can think to express it is for you, and now Nyota, and Amanda, your daughter yet to be born. Amand-” His voice caught, “Amanda, your mother, always said that you needed Vulcan and human interaction. While she was alive, I assumed she would provide human nurturing and I would provide Vulcan instruction naturally. But with her death, and you striving so hard to be Vulcan, and contracting illnesses, I see how much you need for me to be nurturing, and your daughter will as well.”

“You are trying to be emotional to support me, but in doing so you feel the pain of Mother's death.”

“Yes. I am acting illogical, and I do not know what to do.”

“When mother died, I told you I ‘felt an anger I could not control,’.”

“Yes, and I responded with ‘Do not try to’.”

“You said her advice would be ‘do not try to’. I think that would be her advice to you as well. I am learning that I must nurture my human side to function. Maybe you need to learn that you are experiencing emotions that you can not control, and her advice is ‘do not try to’.”

“Nesa suggests that I go through kolinahr.”

Spock thought silently to himself, “McCoy is right, she is a bitch.” Aloud, he said, “What are her supportive arguments?”

“She suggests that I neglected the act so that I can be emotional for your mother, and with her dead, it is illogical for me to have emotions.”

“She is wrong on two accounts. Primarily, you require access to emotions so that you will be an effective Ambassador to Earth. You said on multiple occasions that understanding human emotions has helped you in negotiating. Eliminating your emotions will make this task more difficult for you. Secondly, you will require access to emotions to be a part of your granddaughter’s life and mine in a way. Being a Vulcan hybrid is difficult to navigate, and my child will benefit from having a grandfather who can express love for her.”

“Your mother would be so thrilled to have a grandchild. I am having the emotion of...happiness, and with the child bearing your mother’s name, it is like the child will have your mother’s blessing. I look forward to reading Alice in Wonderland with her and discussing quantum physics. But these thoughts are illogical.”

“Were you happy to have me?”

“Logically. I wanted you to grow up like a Vulcan. Your mother requested we...play together which I told her was illogical, an act I regret now. But you are brilliant. Far more intelligent than the average Vulcan for you had to struggle for everything that you wanted to accomplish and that desire made you strong. If your daughter has your tenacity, nothing will stop her.”

“I wanted to play together, physically growing up Father, but we play together mentally. You taught me chess and other games at an early age, and I was determined to best you, and when I was older, I could, and you were proud of my advancement. Also, we would have theoretical discussions much as I have with Jim and Leonard, and I considered these to be ‘fun’.”

“I...enjoyed raising you, Spock. You will enjoy having a daughter.”

“I know how to be a nurturing parent because of Mother’s example. But I know how to be a good Vulcan father because of your example.”

“I want to be in the child’s life. And I will be different than when I was with you. I will not wait until she is twenty-six to tell her that I am grateful for her or Amanda.”

Spock swallowed a lump in his throat, “Expressing emotion to a child is not logical. Also, it is not done in the Vulcan culture.”

“I remember a time when you were chasing a lizard when you were three years old when we were in a square, and you fell and cried. Your mother ran to you, picked you up, and kissed you on the nose to make you calm down. The Vulcans around her said the act was illogical.”

“What was her response?”

“Go to hell.”

Spock smiled, that would be Nyota’s response when others call her illogical in their raising of his daughter.


	32. Chapter 32

It was the morning of the wedding. Of course, things didn’t go to plan. They found out last week that they didn’t have a ring bearer, and instead of denying Nyota that, Spock invited one of his cousins so they could use their ten year old, Selek, in the wedding. His cousin thought he was stupid and told him so, but granted Spock permission. Nyota was happy that they were going to have a traditional wedding, and Spock was trying to repeat to himself he didn’t give a damn what the Vulcans thought. However, his stomachache had returned and he was in the cafeteria. He related the story to Bones asking him not to repeat it to Nyota, and Bones instructed him to eat a light breakfast, toast with avocado, bananas, some applesauce, and his smoothie.

“What is with you and this smoothie,” asked Bones. “You eat it for every meal?”

“My mother would make it for dessert when she was in a hurry, and it quickly became one of my favorites. Now it reminds me of her. Also, it is the one thing my stomach can digest sometimes.”

Bones nodded and sat down to his eggs and bacon. 

Jim came in with his pile of food.

“Hey, it’s the big day!” cried Jim.

“You remember your job?” asked Bones.

“You remember yours?” asked Jim.

“Does your speech make sense? Vulcans are here.”

“Scotty liked it.”

“You read it to Scotty and not me!”

“Children, I am trying to eat,” said Spock. “Where is the rest of the crew?”

“You can’t see Nyota until the wedding,” said Kirk, “so we split up.”

“How is she?”

“She had a little morning sickness,” said McCoy. “But it’s nerves and excitement. I had morning sickness on my wedding day.”

Spock cocked his head, and Jim rolled his eyes. 

“She is really excited, Spock,” said Jim. “She is trying to canive out of us the layout of the honeymoon.”

“What did you tell her?” Spock asked.

“I told her that you reasoned with the baby coming, and with you having ‘doodads’ in the lab you reasoned that y’all needed to stay here.”

Spock raised his eyebrow. “You lied.”

“She didn’t believe me, and she stomped on my food, very hard. But she has no idea where you are going to take her.”

“Well, our negotiations are successful. I am still nonplussed about the dress.”

“Yeah,” said McCoy, “None of us can see it because you can mindmeld with us and see it yourself.”

“Nyota is shrewd.”

“Yeah, most women are,” said Bones.

* * *

The ceremony was laid out like an official Starfleet wedding. It took place in the  _ Enterprise’s _ chapel which the crew had decorated with flowers that complemented Nyota’s bouquet. The music began and the guests were led in and seated. Then Kirk came down grinning from ear to ear as the officiant of the ceremony. 

Then Spock came down walking with his stepmother, and they were followed by Bones who was best man because Jim was officiant. Then came Nurse Chapel, Carol Marcus, Elizabeth Palmer, as bridesmaids dressed in blue dresses with gold jewelry to adorn the matching Nyota’s ring and the wedding theme. Finally, the Groomsmen walked down in their dress uniforms. Like the women, there were four of them: Sulu, Chekov, Scotty, and Nyota’s brother, Kamau. Then Makena Uhura walked down as maid of honor dressed similarly to the bridesmaids. She was crying, yet grinning ear to ear and Spock was happy that the girl was excited for her sister. Finally, Sulu’s daughter and Selek walked down as flowergirl and ringbearer.

Finally, the music changed, and everyone stood.

Nyota’s father escorted Nyota down the aisle. Spock’s heart skipped a beat when he saw Nyota’s dress. The dress was a strapless lace bodice, and a soft train following her. Nyota had her hair down in ringlets under her vail, a style Spock had never seen her wear before, and adorning her was his mother necklace and her ring. As she approached him, Spock saw through the veil that Nyota was smiling at him, and forgetting his place, he stepped out and reached for her. Nyota was excited too, because she reached for him too, and they touched hands. They were actually supposed to wait for Alhamasi to join them, but Alhamasi smiled and rolled his eyes. His opinion of Spock had changed from his first impression. Alhamasi kissed Nyota on the cheek, then went and sat down.

Jim started to talk, and then Nyota whispered, “If you make a joke I will kill you.”

“Fine,” he whispered. Aloud, he said, “Ladies and gentlemen, we are here to witness the union between Spock and Nyota Uhura. This is a remarkable union, because Spock is a Vulcan taught to follow logic, and Nyota is a human and followed the stars as her passion. With this union comes the blessing of a child, and this child will be taught by both of her parents that life can be the marrying of reason and passion. In a way, all of us can learn and be blessed from this marriage. For when we learn to think and feel we truly become all who we are meant to be. I have been captain of these two fine officers for a year, and I have learned that they can challenge and lean on each other in a way that only a few of us will ever learn to experience. What they are vowing today is not to make a commitment, to continue and grow a commitment that they have made a long time ago. As witnesses, we are vowing to aid in that commitment as best we can, for better or worse, rich or for poor, in sickness or health, to love and to cherish, til death do they part.

“Spock, Do you take this vow?”

“I do,” said Spock.

“Nyota, do you take this vow?” asked Jim.

“I do,” said Nyota.

“Does anyone object to this union?”

McCoy shot a glare over the crowd, but it was silent.

“I pronounce you man and wife,” said Jim. “Kiss!”

Spock kissed Nyota, and everyone cheered. Well, except the Vulcans, but Sarek had a tear in his eye.


	33. Chapter 33

“I did great,” said Kirk, grabbing some champagne. They were in the dining hall which had been decorated in the color theme of the wedding. 

“Yeah, but I could have done it better,” said Bones.

“Guys, come on,” said Sulu.

“I made Sarek cry,” said Jim.

“Sarek is an emotional Vulcan right now,” said Bones. “The real trick is did you make Nesa cry.”

“That’s not fair,” said Jim.

“Captain,” said Chekov, coming over with a plate of drinks, “Everyone is whirling around the newly-weds. I can’t get a word in edgewise.”

“Yeah,” said Jim, “we probably can’t talk to them until after the honeymoon. Are those all for you?”

“Open bar.”

“You're not legal. Your eighteen.”

“I’m legal in Russia.”

“Let him have it,” said Bones.

“Are you drinking all of that?” asked Kirk.

“No Captain. I got a friend,” smiled Chekov.

“Pavel!” creid a woman.

“Excuse me,” said Chekov, and walked away with his plate of drinks.

“I didn’t start that young,” said Kirk.

Scotty looked at him, “But you crashed your step dad’s car-”

“Drinking! I didn’t start drinking!” corrected Jim.

“Speaking of drinks, open bar?” said Bones.

“Yeah, you want some scotch?” asked Jim.

They got up to the bar and they all ordered some scotch.

“Where are they?” asked Scotty.

“Taking pictures,” said Jim. “Nyota’s mom insisted on it. Spock and Sarek are probably hating it.”

“To give Spock credit-” started Bones, but he was cut off by cheering, and they all looked up to see Spock and Nyota walking in. 

Spock was straight faced, but Nyota was smiling and gave a small wave. The men all stood up and clapped as Spock systematically weaved through the crowd holding Nyota leading her to the dancefloor that the crew had made, and took her in his arms. A soft melody played, and Kirk tried to place it. It was not a pop song or a traditional classical music that was played at most weddings. Instead, it was a recording of an instrumental track. Confused, Kirk looked around to see if anyone recognized the song that they were dancing too, and he saw Bones grinning. 

“Spill,” said Kirk.

“It is a song on the Vulcan lute that Spock composed for the occasion,” said Bones.

“Spock wrote a love song?” asked Kirk.

“Yeah,” said Bones.

“It’s beautiful,” said Sulu.

When the music was done, everyone clapped except the Vulcans, and Spock kissed Nyota, gently on the lips. Then he handed her off to her father, and a beautiful jazz song came on for Nyota and her father to dance too. 

“Oh my God,” said Bones. 

“What?” asked Kirk.

“Is Spock going to dance with his step-mother? Do Vulcans dance?” he asked.

“Oh no. We should have thought about this before ten minutes before it happened!” cried Jim. “Get Carol over here!”

Sulu excused himself and walked around to get Carol and whispered in her ear that Jim wanted to talk to her. Carol walked back with Sulu in her bridesmaid dress and champagne.

“Yes Jim,” she whispered.

“What are we doing about Spock? His step-mom is not going to want to dance with him! She is Vulcan!”

“We have it handled.”

“Okay good.”Then he looked at her dress. “So, what are you doing tonight?”

She rolled her eyes and walked away. 

The song ended and everyone clapped. Then it was Spock’s turn, and he was not getting up and Nyota grabbed his hand and convinced him to come to the dance floor. Then Nyota’s mother came out, and she and Spock bowed to each other. The song “Lean on Me” by Bill Withers came on and they started to dance, but at the end of the first verse Nyota’s mother stopped, and Carol Marcus came and danced with Spock, the cycle continued as all of the bridesmaids had danced with Spock for a portion of the song, and Spock took the metaphor for his mother was gone but he was not without a family. He was grateful for the message.

“Well that was nice,” said Jim.

“Yep,” said Bones.

“You crying?”

“No. I am hot. This is sweat.”

“Okay.”

Finally, the song ended and everyone clapped and sat down to dinner. The meal was fillet mignon or salmon, green beans, and mashed potatoes, and wine. Spock had the salmon, and Nyota had the steak, but they both agreed the food was excellent. 

“How do you like the dress?” asked Nyota.

“It was worth waiting for,” said Spock.

“Okay, you got your surprise,” she said. “Where are we going?”

“You are not patient.”

“Spock!”

“Begging already,” said Kirk, sitting at his dinner.

“Shut up.”

“She wants to know about the honeymoon,” said Spock.

“Just enjoy being a bride,” said Kirk. “You look beautiful, you have a lot of presents, and everyone is looking at you.”

Spock raised his eyebrow, “That is why you married me?”

“No,” said Nyota.

“Of course not,” said Bones, sitting down by Jim. “She married you because she is pregnant and she has to.”

“Shut up!” cried Nyota. “Spock I married you because I love you.”

“Huh, according to Father, that is why my parents were married,” mused Spock.


	34. Chapter 34

“Alright get out here,” said Jim, throwing rice.

“Yeah dont come back, ever!” cried Bones.

“This is highly illogical,” whispered Spock dodging the rice as he held Nyota’s hand the shuttle where they will leave the Enterprise for their honeymoon. Beside him, Nyota laughed and ran with him. 

When she was changing from her wedding dress into a nice pink evening dress, her mother and sister questioned where she was going. She had promised her mom that she would tell her what she knew when Spock let on what they were doing.

“He is actually a bit of a romantic, isn’t he?” whispered her mom when they were hugging. “A secret honeymoon.”

“Oh, he was mad that I didn’t tell him about the dress so he wanted to get back at me,” said Nyota. But then she said, “But yes, he is a bit of an old fashioned Romeo.”

“Well, good luck Juliet.”

Spock and Nyota went to the shuttle that was going to take them to Earth, and the whole crew threw rice as the shuttle took off and headed towards the planet. Nyota looked out the window, and tried to figure out where they were going.

“Wait? Who packed for me?” asked Nyota.

“Carol,” said Spock.

Well at least she would be wearing something sensible for outdoors, but Carol was Kirk’s girlfriend and she did not really know what Carol would wear in the bedroom.

“Did she buy me clothes?”

“Yes.”

“Lingerie?”

“I believe so.”

Nyota’s stomach tightened. She and Spock had slept together, of course, she was pregnant. But this was their honeymoon and someone else picked out her clothes. This could be a complete disaster.

Spock was secretly enjoying his wife’s reaction to not being in control. Of course, not knowing about the dress had not caused him this much anguish, but it was an annoyance. This was a trust exercise, he deduced. Did he trust Nyota to wear a dress that would be stunning yet appropriate for a Vulcan wedding? Which she obviously did. Did Nyota trust Spock to prepare a honeymoon destination that she would enjoy and so would he? Which he thought he had. They were suitably matched. The problem was that he was in turmoil over the dress, and she was in turmoil over the honeymoon. It was humorous, but it needed to be corrected.

“Nyota,” said Spock.

“Yeah.”

“How long have we known each other?”

“Since I was your student at the Academy, two and a half years now.”

“And in that time have I ever given you a reason not to trust me?”

She blinked, “No.”

“Nor you I. This tit for tat about the dress and the honeymoon is humorous, but we will have to hide deeper secrets from each other in the future. Some couples share everything to avoid this issue, but given our assignments on the Enterprise that may be impossible. We must promise each other that we will only withhold what is necessary and be truthful whenever possible.”

“Okay.”

“You have my word.”

“So where are we going?”

The corners of Spock mouth twisted up.

They landed in Venice, and Spock secured a gondola ride for Nyota and him to their hotel.

“Venice? We are staying in Venice?” she laughed.

“For three nights.”

“Then where?”

“Good things come to those who wait.”

Spock helped her into the Gongala ride, and then they started down the river. They passed houses, bistros, cafes, and shops, and Spock took note of where they were in case Nyota wanted to try them all. He wanted to visit the museums and learn more about his human heritage, but he decided that they would do whatever Nyota would want. They got to the hotel, and checked in to the honeymoon suite, and Spock and Nyota headed upstairs.

Spock opened the door, and then picked Nyota up, who squealed in delight and walked int the room, placing her gently on the sofa.

“What was that for?” she asked, giggling.

“Human tradition.”

“Something has gotten into you. But I like it.”

The bellboy got the bags, and Spock tipped him the way Jim taught him, then Spock slumped on the bed. 

“Is it logical to unpack if we are only to abide here three days?” he asked.

“I can live out of a suitcase. You are less likely to leave anything,” said Nyota.

“How do you feel?” asked Spock. “I weighed my options. The only logical limitation of withholding information from you is the excitement may increase nausea.”

“I. Feel. Great.” she said kissing him.

“What shall we do?” asked Spock. “There is a lot to see here, and we only have three days.”

Nyota kicked off her heels, let down her hair, and let her dress slide down into a clump on the floor.

“How about we explore the hotel room, Commander?”


	35. Chapter 35

Spock heard her laughing, but he couldn’t find her.

“Where have you gone, Amanda?” he cried.

“Play Daddy, play,” cried Amanda.

“Come here, you clever girl,” he said, reaching for her to tickle her. Spock couldn’t tell her age, or see her face, but she was small, fast, and as he said, clever. She dodged out of Spock’s reach as they were playing in Nyota’s apartment on the  _ Enterprise. _

“There you are,” he cried as he got her and pulled her into his chest.

Amanda squealed in delight and smiled, giving Spock a kiss on his cheek.

“I love you, Daddy,” creid Amanda.

“I love you, my clever girl,” said Spock.

Spock opened his eyes from the dream, and sat up. That was the second dream he had of playing with his child, the first playing on the rocks on New Vulcan and now in the apartment. Was it logical to look forward to the birth of a child so much? The child was not due for another three months. How could he be getting exciting fantasies of her walking and speaking, which could not occur for about three and a half years. According to the books Spock had been reading, she could walk well at about fifteen months but would not be talking in sentences until she was three and a half.

“Spock,” moaned Nyota. “You okay?”

“I do not know,” said Spock. “I think I am irrationally excited.”

“Let me wake up, baby.”

“No you misunderstand. I had a dream of playing with Amanda and it was most pleasant. She was talking and running around, and I was chasing her, trying to find her. It was a human game.”

“Hide and seek.”

“I have deduced from her actions she was about three and a half years of age.”

“Yeah. Why is all this bad?”

“It is illogical to be excited for something so far away.”

Nyota shifted and put her head on Spock's shoulder. “No it isn’t. I am excited about her being about twelve years old. That is when I really started getting into xenolinguistics and the stars. I dream about showing her supernovas, and different languages. God, she is going to be so smart, Spock. But I also dream about when she is three and all she will want to do is be a princess, and I dress her up and paint her nails, and have princess tea. And then I dream about you teaching her things. Hmm, she is going to be a mess. I am so excited.”

"Most parents are excited for the future of their child?"

"Yes."

“Interesting. What do you want to do today?”

“I dont know.”

“We can go see the Basilica of Saint Paul. Or we could go shopping.”

“I am six months pregnant. Can we go for Gelato?”

“For breakfast?”

“You never had ice cream for breakfast?”

Spock shook his head.

“Come on.”

* * *

The shop they found had mocha flavor Gelato, so Spock was happy with a small cup, and Nyota got gluten-free strawberry. They walked down the street until Nyota’s feet hurt, and Spock got a gondola ride for them. He tried to think what they were going to do in Florence and Rome, and got his datapad out.

“What are you doing?” asked Nyota.

“Surprise,” said Spock. “Please amuse yourself.”

On the datapad, Spock realized that in Florence, there were taxis that he could rent for a day at a time, and the driver would be at his and Nyota’s beck and call. As long as he paid the modest fee for the day, the taxi would be available to him for a twenty-four hour period. In Rome, however, he had a problem, taxi drivers did not have the reputation of honesty in Rome. Then Spock found that there was a bus that they could ride and get off at stops. He reasoned that was a logical solution. He got into their hotel room in Rome and added the bus fair to the room.

“Spock, what are you doing?” cried Nyota.

Spock looked at her and raised an eyebrow. “You can’t be surprised can you?”

“I like knowing things.”

“As I informed you, we are only staying here for two more nights, so I am booking arrangements for us to get around town for the remainder of our trip.”

“And where are we going?”

Spock smiled, and ate his gelato.

“Isn’t it typical that someone sings on gongila rides?” asked Spock.

“Spock, don't make him sing!”

"I can sing."

Spock began in a low voice of the chorus "It had to be you" by Harry Connick Jr from Earth. His mother told him it was the most romantic song and he memorized the lyrics while dating Nyota. Nyota leaned back and smiled that Spock knew the words to the song. Closing her eyes, she enjoyed the sunshine as they glided through the river. She couldn’t imagine being anywhere else.


	36. Chapter 36

“Oh my God, Spock,” cried Nyota staring at Santa Maria del Fiore Cathedral.

“This structure was completed in stardate 1436.347. It is quite remarkable for having to stand for so long. I do not know if structures on Vulcan were that old.”

“It’s beautiful.”

“Yes.”

“Mathematically?”

“Yes. It was made in the gothic style and is fashioned into a Latin cross. The dome makes it asymmetrical, but that was also made to precise specification, so I would say, yes, it is mathematically beautiful.”

“Let’s go in.”

“Neither of us are religious.”

“But we're explorers.”

Spock cocked his head as if trying to understand her logic, then he nodded. “Very well,” he said, and he took her by the hand and they walked inside the church. Spock liked the church indeed. It was organized and quiet. The artwork was ornate and beautiful, and even though he was not religious he knew several of the religious stories that were being depicted. However, as they passed an entranceway they saw a tomb for either a priest, bishop, or another ranking member of the church. Nyota shuttered. Thinking she was cold Spock put his arm around her. When they walked out of the church and into the sunlight, Spock hoped that would warm her up.

“There is a jacket in that shop,” said Spock.

“I wasn’t cold. I was creeped out. Can you imagine being dead in a tomb for eight hundred years, and people come by everyday to look at you?”

“I think it would be nice to have a final resting place,” said Spock. “So many are not given the opportunity.”

“Oh Spock. I didn’t think. I- I am sorry.”

“You did nothing.”

They walked for a little ways down the cathedral steps and Nyota asked him to sit down on the steps. Spock assumed it was because her feet hurt, but Nyota only wanted to talk to him for a minute.

“You’re doing better,” said Nyota. “You really are. But you're still bottling it up. Talk. Let us help you.”

“When I was twenty, I had finished my tutelage as school and was applying to, the human word is college. You make an application and appear before a Council where they review and accept or decline your application. Prudent Vulcans make more than one application to various domains to ensure a future. Following this pursuit, I applied to the Vulcan Science Academy and Starfleet.”

“Did you get in both?”

“Yes.”

“Did you pick your favorite?”

“No. The head minister made a comment about my mother being a disadvantage to my upbringing. To quote Leonard, ‘I got sick of the bullshit’, left Vulcan, and joined Starfleet.”

“That one damn Vulcan couldn’t keep his mouth shut.”

“I never went home,” whispered Spock. “I contacted mother at least once a week, but I never saw her until her death.”

“Your mom was smart. You told me before how your classmates tormented you. I am sure she figured it out.”

“I just told her I was too busy. I didn’t go home for Christmas. She insisted that we celebrated Christmas, and I told her I was studying, or making that damn test. She knew it was a lie.”

“Hey, she wanted you happy. And you weren’t happy on Vulcan.”

“You know I never told her I loved her!” he cried angrily. “My father and I have said we love each other, but I never said it to my human mother!”

“Hey, hey,” said Nyota, running her fingers through his hair. “Take a deep breath with me.”

Spock breathed shallowly.

“What day does Bones give you your shot? Wednesday right?”

Spock nodded.

“Well, you're a day late. It’s Thursday. That is why you feel bad. Have you felt bad all day?”

Spock shook his head.

“Okay let's go back to the hotel room take your shot and rest okay?”

Spock nodded, and wordlessly they left the cathedral. Nyota got a taxi to take them back to the hotel, and Spock just leaned back. He felt like he was going to vomit, and his head hurt. As he watched the city of Florence pass by his window, he was comforted by the beautiful architecture that surrounded them. If only he had not gone to the crypt he and Nyota would be out enjoying this day!

They arrived at the hotel, and Nyota led him up to the hotel suite. They were alone in the elevator, and normally, when they were he and Nyota would kiss or mind meld, but at the moment, Spock felt indisposed. When he got to the room, Spock took out his datapad and contacted McCoy.

“McCoy here.”

“Leonard something has happened.”

“What?”

“We were in a cathedral admiring the artwork and the architecture, and there were crept among the structure for fallen members of the faith, and I fell ill.”

“That’s why you're not supposed to leave the hotel room, Spock!”

“I am aware of that now.”

“What was the emotion?”

“Grief over the loss of Vulcan and my mother.”

“Okay, you went trolloping through a graveyard and it made you sad, as graveyards do.”

“Yes.”

“Your Cortisol levels are still high. Did you take your shot this week?”

“I forgot.”

McCoy’s eyes shot daggers into Spock. “You have an eidetic memory. How the hell did you forget?”

“I’ll take it now.”

“Spock, are you forgetting or is this some sort of I don’t want to be human crap?”

“I was involved in several things at once, Leonard. Planning a wedding, planning a honeymoon, and preparing for a child.”

“And you had a stepmom who told you that you were emotionally compromised, and then magically you forget your shot.”

“What are you implying, Doctor?”

“Look me in the eye and tell me you stopped giving a damn about the Vulcan race!”

“Spock,” said Nyota. “What is going on?”

“Thank you doctor, you have been most helpful,” said Spock.

“Don’t turn me off, you pointy eared bast-” cried Bones, as Spock shut the screen off.

“Are you forgetting your shot, or are you not taking it?” asked Nyota.

“Forgot, between everything that is going on,” Spock said. He got up and retrieved his shot from the refrigerator, and gave himself the injection in the upper thigh.

“Now,” said Spock, “Where do you want to go to lunch?”


	37. Chapter 37

Spock “cheered” up a little bit the day after he took his shot, and the honeymoon continued. Finally, it was Thursday, their last day in Rome, and tonight they were headed for the  _ Enterprise. _

“Morning,” said Nyota coming out of her shower in her robe.

“Good morning,” said Spock.

“Did you sleep last night?”

“A little bit.”

“Our last day on the honeymoon,” she sighed. “Tomorrow we have to start slapping Kirk again.”

Spock smiled a bit. “You enjoy the  _ Enterprise _ and Kirk. Besides, tomorrow we get to apply for joint quarters and start deciding on Amanda's room.”

“Right, we got a lot to do.”

“I am looking forward to it.”

“So am I.”

For their last night, Spock decided to not do something touristy and decided to do something a little more romantic. He made arrangements for Nyota and him to have a candlelight dinner on the rooftop of the Raphael Hotel, the hotel they were staying at.

“Spock,” cried Nyota.

“I thought we could see the whole city while we had our supper.”

“Oh,” she said.

They ordered. Neither of them ordered wine, and they got some Italian food. Spock wanted the spaghetti, and Nyota got the lasagna. 

“Thank you,” said Nyota.

“For?”

“This was a wonderful surprise.”

“I will have to think of something different for our anniversaries.”

Nyota smiled. “Well, do I get to help plan next time?”

“Perhaps.”

A violinist started to play a soft ballad that neither of them recognized, but the music was beautiful.

“Do you feel like dancing while we wait on our meal?” asked Spock.

“Yes,” said Nyota.

They got up and held each other in their arms, and began to sway back and forth. The waiter quietly came in and brought their entreés, and scurried away. Spock noticed of course, and let Nyota go before the food got cold. They sat down and talked and ate discussing the various parts of the trip. What they would tell their friends and what would forever be a treasured secret. Finally, Nyota got up the courage to ask a question.

“When we get back to the hotel room, will you mind-meld with me tonight?”

“Of course,” said Spock.

They got back to the room, and this time they had a sofa along with a bed, and Nyota came and sat on the sofa with a pillow so that she was comfortable. Spock sat down beside her.

“Tomorrow our lives go back to normal,” she said. “And I have been wanting to tell you this. I know you know that I love you, but I do not want you to ever doubt it.” She took his hand and put it to her face.

***

_ “Good morning class. I am Commander Spock,” said Spock four years ago. “Can anyone tell me what they think they know xenolinguistics is?” _

_ “He’s gorgeous,” said a girl in front of Nyota. _

_ “If you're into Vulcans,” said another girl. “What is he doing here anyway?” _

***

_ “He’s coming!” said Gaia. _

_ “Who?” asked Nyota. _

_ “That sexy instructor with the pointed ears you like so much.” _

_ “He’s called a Vulcan and I don’t like him!” _

_ “Well if you don’t have sex with him I will. He’s coming!” _

***

_ “Commander Spock, you scared me,” said Nyota. _

_ “Cadet Nyota Uhura, what are you doing here?” _

_ “The stars. I think they're beautiful.” _

_ “Interesting. What star fascinates you the most and why?” _

_ “The undiscovered. The fact that there could be whole languages out there that we have never heard of.” _

_ “I feel the same way about artifacts.” _

_ “So why do you stay and teach?” _

_ “You have fifteen minutes, cadet. Good night.” _

_ *** _

_ “You are far superior in language to the average student, Cadet Uhura,”  _ said Spock. _ “I am confident that with your skills you will excel in this program.” _

_ “Thank you, sir.” _

_ “That is all.” _

_ “There is a good sushi place a few blocks down from campus. Do you like sushi?” _

_ “I do not understand.” _

_ “You are not my instructor, anymore, and I think I would like to get to know you better.” _

_ “I do not eat sushi, cadet.” _

_ “Okay then…” _

_ “Goodbye cadet.” _

_ *** _

_ Nyota was in the lab staring at stars, and making calculations when someone came in and put a California roll and a coke in front of her. She looked up and saw Commander Spock standing there looking down at her with a frustrated stare. _

_ “I am unfamiliar with the earth food sushi. The server told me this is an appetizing roll for almost anyone.” _

_ Nyota grinned. “Yeah, I love it. How was your day?” _

_ Spock cocked his head. _

_ “Did you enjoy it? Was it pleasurable? Productive?” _

_ “It was productive. Yours?” _

_ “Fun.” _

_ Spock raised an eyebrow. _

_ “Wow, um I enjoy what I do.” _

_ “Better than to not enjoy it.” _

_ “Right.” _

***

“So you see,” said Nyota. “I was quite smitten with you for a long time.” She kissed Spock on the lips.

“It took me a while to understand human behavior,” observed Spock. “I had been on earth for almost seven years and I did not understand that you were ‘smitten’ with me.”

Giggling, Nyota nodded. “You are catching on now,” she said. “I think the boys taking you out for a drink every so often will help.”

“So you have loved me since you met me?”

“Yes.”

“I believe that feeling has been mutual.”

They kissed again, and Spock held her tight.


	38. Chapter 38

“Captain,” said Sulu, “there is a shuttle approaching.”

“Hail them,” ordered Kirk. “This is Captain Kirk of the USS Enterprise, identify yourself.”

“This is First Officer Commander Spock Uhura of the USS Enterprise, requesting permission to come aboard. One passenger,” said Spock.

“And who is the passenger?”

“Lt. Nyota Uhura.”

“Relationship?”

“Spouse.”

“Excellent.”

“Jim, this is juvenile.”

“Come aboard Commander Spock and Lt. Nyota. Sulu, you have the conn.” Jim got out of his seat and went to the elevator, where he opened his communicator, and dialed Bones.

“McCoy,” said Bones.

“They’re here. Hangar three.”

“On my way.”

Kirk and Bones met in the hangar as Spock glided the ship into the area.

“Do you think they saw anything outside the hotel rooms?” asked Bones.

“Damn it,” said Kirk. 

“What?”

“I don't think they left the hotel room, but do you think Spock is going to admit to that. We need to ask him what they saw where they went, but instead of studying up on Italy, we have been working this whole time.”

“Damn! You think Spock can lie about it?”

“Nyota can.”

“We’re not gonna get a story. We are gonna get pictures of Florence.”

“And we have no way of knowing if it is actually Florence!”

The ship arrived, and Nyota came storming out.

“Spock, why do you do this?” she said. “Everything was fine.”

“I am not doing anything to you Nyota. I simply think-”

“You feel, Spock! You feel!” she cried.

“Hey,” said Jim. “What is going on? You guys just got back from your honeymoon.”

“Captain,” said Spock. “Reporting for duty.”

“No you are not,” cried Nyota. “You are staying here and finishing the damn conversation.”

“Can we discuss this at our apartment?” asked Spock.

“When?” cried Nyota. “You don’t want to discuss anything.”

“What happened?” cried Jim. “I mean I know he didn’t cheat on you.”

“He woke up Vulcan and I have no clue what the hell happened,” said Nyota.

“Spock?” asked Bones.

“I wish to discuss things in private,” said Spock.

“You don’t want to discuss it at all!” cried Nyota.

“Alright,” cried Jim. “You two are ruining moving day!”

“Moving day?” asked Spock.

“Come on, and don’t fight,” ordered Jim.

Spock grabbed their bags, and followed Jim and McCoy to the elevators. Jim whispered to McCoy, “You take Nyota, and I’ll take Spock, try to get to the bottom of this.”

Jim hailed an elevator, and it opened.

“After you, Lieutenant,” said Kirk. “Doctor.” Then he stepped in front of Spock, “We’ll get the next one.”

The next elevator opened, and Kirk let Spock get in with the luggage. Kirk punched it to the floor with Spock and Nyota’s new apartment.

“So how did you manage to piss her off in ten days?” asked Kirk.

“Captain, it’s personal.”

“It can’t be an old girlfriend, you lost your virginity to her, right?”

“Captain, please.”

“Why is it ‘Captain’? It’s been ‘Jim’ the last few weeks.”

Spock stared blankly ahead.

“You went back to Vulcan mode. Damn it, Spock! Why?”

Spock remained silent.

“I am sicking Bones on you, and if that doesn’t work I am calling your father.”

“I am not scared of you telling on me.”

“You know sometimes women get mad so they don’t cry.”

“What are you saying?”

“Flipping a switch on Nyota on her honeymoon because you do not want to tell her what your feelings are is probably breaking her heart, you bastard.”

The elevator opened to the officers quarters, and Spock and Jim walked out into the new apartment. Nyota was already in the apartment having sparkling grape juice with some of the girls. Spock walked into the apartment and began to make observations. They had a bit more space in the family room then his quarters, and the kitchen was larger as well. There were two rooms, and two full baths. His and Nyotas' room were bigger, and Amandas was smaller but still spacious. The kitchen was full, with an island and a breakfast bar. It was most pleasurable, and seemed to be very practical. 

Spock walked into Amanda’s room, and all he could see was that the wall paper was the color of his mother’s necklace and Nyota’s ring. There was also a brown crib in the corner.

“Nyota has been contacting Carol about how to start fixing the place up,” said Kirk.

“It is most pleasing,” said Spock. “But the crib should be in the center of the room.”

“No you want it by the window so she can see the stars.”

“Regardless, it should not be in the corner.”

“Hang on, Carol!”

“What?!” cried Carol coming over.

“Where does the crib go?” asked Jim.

“The crib stays where it is, so we can move stuff into the room,” said Carol.

“Where is it’s ultimate placement?” asked Spock.

“By the window, so the baby can see out,” said Carol matter of factly.

“You were right, Jim,” said Spock.

“You always act so surprised when you say that,” said Jim.

“Well, most of the time, we are,” said Carol.

Jim rolled his eyes, and he got over to Bones. “What have you figured out?” Kirk asked.

“Well,” said Bones, “it seems like something upset him and-”

“Instead of dealing with it he started acting like a Vulcan prick.”

“You got it.”

“I can hear you,” said Spock.

“Well good!” shouted Bones.

“I have no idea about how to organize the kitchen,” said Carol, trying to be oblivious to what is going on.

“Oh I can do that,” said Nyota. “Everything is so great, Carol.”

“Do you want to get drinks? Non-alcoholic of course,” asked Carol.

“That would be great.”

“I thought we were going to discuss,” started Spock.

“I’m going out,” said Nyota, grabbing her jacket and leaving with Carol.


	39. Chapter 39

“Non-Alcoholic champagne tastes good,” said Nyota, after having a sip.

“Haha yeah,” laughed Carol. “So how was the honeymoon? I mean did you fight the whole time?”

“Nope. The fighting didn’t start until after we got on the transport.”

* * *

“You seriously don’t know what you did to piss her off?” cried Jim.

“I know why she is angry but she is being illogical,” said Spock.

“Is this a throw pillow for the couch or for the bed?” asked Bones. “I have been a bachelor a long time.”

“Why are we doing this?” cried Jim. “Nyota is just going to change everything when we're done. Come on let's go get a drink.”

Bones put the pillows back in the boxes, and Spock put the curtains down, and they all went to the bar where they got a drink last time.

* * *

“I was going through pictures on my datapad to show you, and he couldn’t be less interested,” said Nyota. “Then I was talking to him about what was his favorite part of the trip, and he said something about it was illogical to have a favorite or something like that. I was trying to get him to talk to me and he would just look at me and say something that he thought would satisfy me. He was not having any emotional connection at all!”

“Okay,” said Carol. “I know this is going to hurt but let’s think about this logically. Spock gets purely logical a lot, and rarely does it ever have to do with you. I mean maybe he just thought that the honeymoon was over and it was expected of him to be purely logical.”

“No he wouldn’t change on a dime like that and not tell me. Normally, if he was being logical because we were at work or something, he gives me a hint or an explanation. I mean he just shut down.”

* * *

The boys got their standard orders and Spock got water.

“Come on,” said Kirk, “You were having fun two weeks ago.”

“It is illogical to consume alcohol on duty,” said Spock.

“Oh god,” said Bones. “I know why Nyota’s mad. I got to start over with you. You're not feeling anymore Spock!”

“What’s going on, man?” asked Jim.

“Nothing,” said Spock, stoically.

“You just got married, got back from a wonderful honeymoon, you're about to have a baby, why are you mad?” cried Bones.

“I am not angry,” said Spock.

“Nyota didn’t let you do something in bed?” asked Bones. “That would get me mad.”

“I am not angry,” Spock said again.

“Spock,” said Jim, “What’s wrong?”

The drinks were served and Spock took a sip of his water.

* * *

“What if he decided it's illogical to love me?” wailed Nyota.

“Oh honey,” said Carol, hugging her. “Shh shh. That’s not what happened, and I’ll kick his ass if that is what is what happened. Oh, honey. Shh. Alright walk me through the honeymoon and tell me step-by-step what happened.”

“It was great,” sobbed Nyota. “We were,” looking around she lowered her voice, “great in bed. We were in Venice and he sang to me on the gongala. And then we were in Florence, and we went all over and went to the Cathedral and he was opening up about Vulcan. Everything was going great.”

“Well, something happened.”

* * *

“How is your drink?” asked Jim.

“Acceptable Captain,” said Spock.

“Jesus,” cried Bones. “We got to start doing shots of tequila or something. What happened to you man?”

“Nothing happened to me,” said Spock.

“Well something happened to Nyota,” said Bones.

“Bones, it's probably between a husband and wife,” said Jim. “And if Spock doesn’t want to talk about it he won’t talk about it.”

“I’m his doctor!” cried Bones.

“And I am the captain. Drink your whiskey and lay off.”

* * *

“I don’t know what is wrong with him!” cried Nyota. “He was absolutely fine until the last day of the trip.”

“What did you do on the last day of the trip,” asked Carol. “Step-by-step.”

“We had a wonderful breakfast, went out for a walking tour of the cathedrals, got some gelato, and-”

“What?”

“The cathedral… there were tombs in it. Spock said something about that was sweet to have a final resting place.”

“Because Vulcan just vanished.”

“Then he talked about how he got angry at a Vulcan and he left for earth and he never went home, and that was the last time he saw his mother, before she… Oh Spock.”

“What?”

* * *

No one said anything for a while as Spock just stared at his drink, and finally he whispered, “I am not faulting Nyota for being angry at me, but I am trying to discover how to tell her I am being distant to protect us.”

“Protect you?” asked Jim. “What are you talking about?”

“You have seen me...distressed. When I was overcome with a negative emotion, I thought the logical solution was surrender to the serenity of logic, at least until the emotion had subsided. Nyota mistook my act of uncaring as a judgement on her.”

“Well, tell her the truth dumbass,” said Bones.

“But that will negate my actions,” said Spock.

“Spock, when you two took your vows, we left one out, and that was ‘For logical or illogical’,” said Jim.

“Yeah and most of us like you better when you are illogical,” said Bones.

“I don’t,” said Spock.

“Well, we got to work on that,” said Bones.

* * *

“So Spock was getting upset about Vulcan and losing his mom, which normally makes him either really sad or sick on his stomach, so instead he just went purely Vulcan?” asked Carol.

“I think so,” said Nyota. “In his mind he thought acting upset would ruin the trip. Oh and I yelled at him for it!” She put her face in her hands ashamed that even after years of knowing each other, she had not understood Spock’s balance of logic and emotion.

“It’s okay,” Carol said, rubbing Nyota’s arm. “The important thing is that you talk to him, and that he talks to Bones, and he gets all this out of him. Hey, you thought this was like a big crisis. You know, husband and bride go on honeymoon and come back fighting, but in reality, its fine. Spock was so worried about your happiness, he acted Vulcan to not let on he was sad, it’s sweet.”

“But I want him to tell me he’s sad. We’re supposed to be partners. I knew when he didn’t want to mind meld something was up.” She sighed. “Spock got bullied for being emotional when he was younger. Last year when Kirk took over right after Vulcan, Spock lost the  _ Enterprise _ because he was emotional. Now he is sick because he is emotional. How am I supposed to teach him emotions are okay if all it does is bite him in the ass? How am I supposed to teach Amanda for that matter?”

“Spock is the only Vulcan in the galaxy born from two loving parents. Amanda will be the second Vulcans in the world born from two loving parents. He knows emotions are okay. He just forgets sometimes.”


	40. Chapter 40

First of all, the boys had set up the apartment wrong, as they suspected, and Nyota and Carol came and told them how to do it properly. Once the apartment was to the girls' satisfaction, Jim and Carol decided to go to dinner, Nyota and Spock were going to stay in and talk, and Bones was very happy to go home to his cabin to no one. He had enough relationships for the night.

“So we should probably talk,” said Nyota, once everyone left.

“Statistically, we will get into an argument,” said Spock.

“Baby, I don’t want to fight,” said Nyota. “I want to talk. Come sit with me.”

Nyota led Spock to the couch and she sat away from him, because she knew that he was in Vulcan mode right now, and it was best not to get close to him.

“I think I know why we are fighting,” said Nyota.

“You are being emotional and I am not.”

“Calling me hormonal is not getting you out of this!”

“No, you misunderstand. Leonard and Jim pointed it out. Two days ago I was feeling distressed and instead of telling you, I decided I must act logically.”

“It was the catacombs, wasn't it?”

Spock nodded. “I was so overwhelmed suddenly. It frightened me. It reminded me of the destruction of Vulcan as I told you that day. The only logical solution I came up with was to be purely logical, as to not be emotionally compromised.”

“Spock, Kirk used that damn rule to stop the stupid Romulans. It had nothing to do with you.”

“I know.”

“Well, you have been trying not to feel since.”

“Nyota, when I act emotionally, I act irrational. I get consumed with the emotion and I… I lose control of myself. As a Vulcan, I have very strong emotions, and when I act human I have little self-control. When I get angry, I do not only lash out with words, I try to kill someone. When I am despondent, I do not simply lose composure and move on, I cannot sleep or eat to the point of falling ill. The only logical solution for this dilemma is learning not to feel at all.”

“You're wrong,” said Nyota, taking his hand. “The logical solution is learning how to feel. Spock, when you switch to Vulcan mode, or whatever you want to call it, you are not making your feelings go away. You are bottling them up.”

“Leonard says that. What does that mean?”

“It means you are forcing yourself to not express your emotions to the point of being sick. Then when you do express your emotions you all of them are expressed in a really forceful manner, and that gets you worse.”

“As when Vulcan was destroyed.”

“Exactly.”

“So what is the solution?”

“What we have been doing, teaching you to learn how to be emotional.”

“What would have been the appropriate response to the catacombs? Weeping?”

“Actually, yeah. Spock, you lost your mother last year. You lost your planet.”

“I don’t care.”

“Yes, you do.”

“No, I don’t. A bunch of Vulcans who called my mother a whore, my father a traitor, and I was the bastard of their union. I don’t care if they're dead.”

Nyota blinked then muttered, “Okay, starting to understand where all the anger is from.”

“I’m not angry,” mumbled Spock.

“You almost killed Kirk.”

“A year and a half ago.”

“Spock, it’s okay to be angry. It’s okay to feel.”

“I’m not angry.”

“Are you in pain?”

Spock looked away from her, and tried to look like he was focusing on something else.

“Stop multiplying by the square root of pi, and answer my question,” said Nyota.

“I do not have any desire for the Vulcans to be resurrected.”

“You go to the computer room and look at Vulcan on your time off. That is what you did for your bachelor party. You miss the planet right?”

“Parts of Vulcan were mathematically beautiful.”

“And you miss your mother.”

Spock remained silent.

“You gotta let it out.”

Spock didn’t say anything for a while. He sat there and tried to think about pi being his favorite irrational number, and he wondered if there was logic to having a favorite irrational number. He decided that his favorite rational number was seventy three. It was because on Earth there was a classic tv show where a young man named Sheldon Cooper makes a logical argument that 73 was the perfect number. Spock found the argument so funny, he accepted the argument as logical.

“Stop counting by prime numbers and talk to me,” said Nyota.

“I was not counting by prime numbers. I was thinking of the perfect number. There are two categories: rational and irrational. For rat-”

“Spock, talk to me.”

“I was talking to you.”

“About your mom, and don’t give me a description of her. Tell me how you feel.”

“I don’t know what to feel.”

“Don’t worry about what is correct, and tell me what is the truth.”

Sighing, Spock finally said, “I am depressed. I feel anger, sadness, numbness, worthlessness, guilt, and it is getting me ill.”

Nyota kissed his cheek. “You know if you let it out in the catacombs, we could have cried together instead of fighting. You have to stop fighting everyone, Spock.”

“What would you have me do? I love you and I am happy about Amanda, but my overwhelming emotion is pain.”

“You need an outlet,” whispered Nyota. “Amanda. Amanda is the key. You're so happy when you talk about Amanda.”

“What about her?”

Nyota thought a minute. Finally she said, “She is going to sleep around twenty hours a day. We don’t need a lullaby, we need a whole collection recording.”

“You're suggesting I make it?”

“Spock your lute is so peaceful, and she could just fall asleep to it. And you do not have to make twenty hours. According to the book, she will need ten hours at night and then the other ten are naps”

“I have three months to make a ten hour playback, or enough to use for ten hours. My work would be more neglected than it is.”

“Some rock from god-knows-where has to wait until next week to get a number.”

Spock glared at her, and said “You only have your position because I taught you how to tell the difference between Vulcan and Klingon.”

“Perk from sleeping with the instructor,” Nyota grinned.

“I’ll do it for Amanda.”

“Thank you.”


	41. Chapter 41

Jim was excited about Spock’s new project. They calculated that if Spock was on the bridge for light duty, then working on his project and had his communicator on him, then who cared. Jim said his replacement, Officer Ryen, could work the day shift after Spock worked. McCoy said Spock was still supposed to be on medical leave anyway, and the music would make him feel better.

Spock cited that it was against regulation for a senior officer to take time away from his duties to make a personal project for his child, but then Kirk ordered him to compose the tracks, and to make them good. To which Spock rolled his eyes and said, “I excel at everything, Captain.”

Spock calculated that he would need a melody at the beginning of the track every night that Amanda would probably memorize because she would hear it so often as she was being rocked to sleep. He tried to think of something that would be melodic and comforting. Spock decided that he would use Nyota and his song that they danced to at the wedding. It was already composed and recorded making it a primary candidate for a song, but also the melody was phonographically pleasurable that it might soothe Amanda into relaxing for the night. The second track he decided would be an old lullaby that his mother sang to him as a child, not the lyrics, but the melody. Both of these tracks he could play on his Vulcan lute, and it would make the most pleasing music.

Next, Spock sat out composing some lullabies for Amanda. He took out his lute and fiddled around with it until he found some cords that were most pleasing, and typed the notes in the software. Slowly, inch by inch he composed another song, this time in AABA format. The notes were simple enough. He was thinking of the story Alice and Wonderland, and the white rabbit was leading Amanda to a place of pleasant dreams and wild fantasies. However, Spock wasn’t sure if the infant could dream. He would have to ask Leonard.

“Of course babies dream,” said Bones. “What do you think they do all day?”

“Well I have very little remembrance of being an infant,” said Spock. “My first concrete childhood memory is becoming two years of age.”

“You remember your second birthday party?”

“My mother made a cake out of fruits and nuts. It was delicious.”

“You're making that up.”

“Vulcans do not lie.”

“Your half-Vulcan.”

Spock cocked his head.

“Spock, I don't care what planet you are from, no adult can remember anything before his fourth birthday.”

“Vulcans have excellent memories, Doctor.”

“What fruit?”

“Strawberries, bananas, and gespar.”

“What is gespar?”

“A Vulcan fruit, best served fresh.”

“She had to have told you that story a thousand times. You think you remember it. Like I remember getting a horse for my first Christmas. I watched the video so many times, it’s like yesterday.”

“Incorrect, she wore her hair down that day.”

“You’ve seen a picture.”

“No.”

“I don't believe you have a memory from when you were two years old. I don’t believe you.”

“It was hot that day.”

“Enough, Spock!”

“Can Amanda have nightmares?”

“Not like you and I do. But yeah, she can get scared.”

“How do I prevent that from happening?”

“When she is a newborn, wrap her up in a blanket so she is safe and warm. Play the music you're making, so she thinks someone is with her all the time. When she gets about between four to seven months old, you can try to let her cry herself back to sleep. A couple things have to happen first. She has to be on a feeding schedule so she can get through the night without eating. Then you have to get through the night without changing her. Then she will only cry because she is upset and she wants to be held, like from a nightmare. So you stay in the room, put on the music, and just sit with her til she falls asleep. She will go back to sleep. You just might need black coffee in the morning.”

“I have read that in books, but you have put it more succinctly, Leonard.”

“You have gotten, I don’t know, protective, since learning you are becoming a father.”

“Aren’t all fathers protective?”

“I don’t know, maybe,” Bones said noncommittally.

“What is wrong, Leonard?”

“Look, was your father sweet and cuddly when you were growing up?”

“He was Vulcan.”

“Well mine was a doctor, which is worse than being a Vulcan, so can we just drop fatherly responsibilities?”

“What is wrong, Leonard?”

“He- I had it better than Jim. I mean I’m fine.”

“What happened to Jim?”

“I thought you knew, of all people. When his mom was off planet he was left with his uncle who was verbally abusive to all of his kids, but he was the worst to Jim. Threatened him a lot. Never actually touched him. If he would have been, between Pike, your wife, and I, that bastard wouldn’t be breathing. Anyway, Kirk developed a drinking problem, all the kids did. I think Kirk is the only one who has made anything of himself.”

“We are sure he never touched him?”

“Well, Kirk won't admit to anything, and it’s not like we can read his mind.”

Spock nodded.

“I’ll let you get back to it,” said Bones, walking out of the room.

Spock turned back to the composition, but in his mind he was trying to figure out how to get to Earth and avenge his friend.


	42. Chapter 42

Nyota shifted in her sleep again. Her stomach hurt bad. Finally, she got up and went to the bathroom. She started to urinate, but it wouldn't stop. She tried squeezing her legs, and she couldn’t hold it. Suddenly, she realized she wasn’t urinating, but her water broke.

“Spock,” she whispered. “Spock! Spock!”

“Yes,” came Spock on the other side of the door. 

“My water broke! She’s coming. Amanda is coming!”

“You locked the door!”

“Spock help me!”

Suddenly, the door broke down, and Spock barged through the bathroom.

“You broke down the door?”

“You were in distress.”

“I meant to get Bones and Chapel!”

“Regardless, the door is down. Let me get you to Medical.”

“Can you carry me?” she asked, incredulously.

“I am Vulcan.” Spock picked her up and carried her through the apartment.

“Wait! Wait! Put me on the couch!”

Spock obeyed.

“Call Medical. She is going to come in the middle of the ship if we don’t get a doctor here.”

Grabbing his communicator, Spock called Medical and McCoy’s shift replacement Baja Hoss, answered, “Medical. Hoss.”

“This is Commander Spock. My wife is in labor. Inform me of the best course of action.”

“Has her water broke?”

“Yes.”

“Is she having contractions?”

“No,” said Uhura.

“What is your location?”

“Our Apartment. Y-6-93-X.”

“We will be there in five minutes.”

Spock signaled his father, who had gotten there a day before.

“Hello,” came his father.

“Father, Nyota’s water broke, she is not in pain yet, and I cannot recall anything that I have read on the birth. Please advise.”

“Your panicking, Spock. Concentrate. Relax. Nyota and Amanda will be fine. Wait for medical and let her breathe. I am on my way.”

Spock nodded although his father could not see it. “Alright.” After cutting the signal, he signaled Jim.

“Kirk here,” said Jim, sleepily.

“Nyota is in labor.”

“Shit, now?”

“Yes.”

“I’m on my way. Carol, get up!”

The signal cut off.

The doorbell rang, and Spock let the medical personnel in.

“Her water broke, but she is not having contractions yet,” said Spock.

“Okay,” said the male nurse. 

“What do I wear?” cried Nyota from their bedroom.

“What you got on,” cried the nurse.

“Let me get on some clean underwear and pants first.”

“Nyota,” Spock whispered in frustration.

“She’s not having contractions yet. We got time,” said the nurse.

In a minute Nyota came out in matching maternity pajamas. 

“Spock, I can’t go to medical having wet pajamas. Do you know what Jim and Bones are going to say?”

“Take her now,” said Spock.

“Yes sir,” said the nurse, and he wheeled the nurse out of the living room.

“Where the hell were you?” cried Bones as they came into Medical.

“She insisted on changing,” said Spock.

“Did you do your hair? Do your makeup?”

“I am having a baby,” said Nyota. “I don’t want to have wet underwear.”

“Oh, my god. Did y’all even buy a book?”

“Her contractions are 65 seconds and eight and a half minutes apart,” said Spock.

“She’s getting close,” said Bones. “Let’s get her to the delivery room.”

“I’m here!” cried Nyota’s mom, barging into Medical followed by her husband. “I’m here baby,” she said pushing Nyota’s hair out of the way.

“Good, cause she is coming,” cried Nyota.

“Where is the kid?” said Jim coming in, with the rest of the crew with balloons and presents.

“Hold your horses,” said Bones. “Get Nyota to maternity. Spock and her parents go with her. The rest of you wait for Sarek and Nesa.”

“Shit, do they even know?” asked Kirk.

“Yes, and father said he was coming,” said Spock.

Nyota screamed, then started to pant.

“Breath,” said Spock, and started emulating Lamaze-style breathing until Nyota followed him. 

“Alright Spock, you keep her breathing and I’ll deliver the baby,” said Bones.

Spock nodded.

“Good luck!” cried Scotty.

“We will be right out here!” cried Jim.

The nurse wheeled Nyota down the hall, to delivery room one. And Bones and Spock got Nyota in bed. Nyota’s parents rushed into the room and stood together by the wall. Bones closed the curtain and saw how many inches Nyota was dilated, and he cried, “Ten centimeters and fully effaced. It’s go time people.”

“Okay, Nyota,” said Bones. “Push.”

Nyota screamed and pushed, her mother cried, Spock froze from basically over-stimulation.

“Spock make her breathe!” screamed Bones.

Spock shook his head and started doing the Lamaze breathing exercises, as Nyota pushed Amanda out. 

Finally, Bones said “One big push, then you can relax, Nyota.”

Nyota pushed one last time, and Amanda was here.

“Okay,” said Bones. “Nurse Chapel, can you get this little darlin’ cleaned up.”

Nurse Chapel wiped Amanda down, put on her diaper, and wrapped her in a soft pink blanket.

“Thank you,” said Bones. “Nyota, here is your little girl.”

Nyota took Amanda and pulled her into her chest. Amanda looked a lot like Spock to her surprise, skin tone, hair, ears, eyebrows. For a three-quarter human kid, Amanda looked completely Vulcan. 

“What’s wrong?” asked Spock.

“She’s beautiful,” cried Nyota, tears pricked her eyes. She wondered if maybe Amanda would gaze at the stars like her or love languages like her. That would make Amanda Nyota’s daughter, not that they look like each other.

“Nyota, Amanda is a child of several different races,” said Spock. “She is a quarter Vulcan, half black, half white. There was no indication of what she would look like and according to Leonard, no indication of what she will become in the future.”

“You must think I am being ridiculous. I don’t give a damn if she is a certain race or not. I don’t. That is so… 21st century. But I thought she would look like me.”

“She does.”

"How? She has your ears, and your eyebrows, and your hair, and probably your eyes.”

“She might have my hair but your hair texture. She might have my eyebrows, but your eye shape. She has your nose and your jawline. And most importantly, she is mostly human. She will have your humor, and your wit, and your strength. Nyota, she will be very little like me.”

Nyota started to sob, “I know I am acting crazy.”

“No. You are just being human.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”


	43. Chapter 43

A few days later, Nyota and Spock walked home to their apartment after the standard two days of letting Nyota and Amanda rest in Medical. Carol had been at the apartment earlier cleaning things up for them. The bathroom door had been fixed in Nyota and Spock’s room, and Amanda’s room was just perfect. Spock unlocked their room, and it was dark for some reason, so he flipped on the lights.

“Surprise!” Whispered everyone as to not wake Amanda.

There was ‘It’s a girl!’ signs everywhere, pink balloons, and a pink cake on the kitchen table with a baby bottle in icing and written on it, ‘It’s a girl!’

“What human tradition is this?” asked Spock.

“This is the tradition that our friends are crazy, and will do anything for a party," explained Nyota. "Let me put her down. You socialize.”

Spock looked on after Nyota after she disappeared, he hadn’t mastered the art of human socializing.

“Jim?” he asked, ``What are we celebrating?”

“Technically, being born is an age, Spock. She turned zero years old two days ago. And it is kind of depressing to have the party in medical, so we celebrate when she comes home.”

“Is this traditional?”

“The party, yes, the cake and balloons might have been overboard. But remember I told you that Amanda is the only baby we have aboard the Enterprise. She is supposed to be spoiled.”

“I see.”

The doorbell rang, and Spock went to get it. At the door were Sarek and Nesa. Spock gave the Vulcan salute, and let them in.

“I must inform you,” said Spock. “My friends are here, and they have the irrational notion of throwing a newborn party for Amanda. They claim it is a tradition, which I have never heard of.”

“I have been to one,” said Sarek.

“Whose?”

“Yours. Your grandmother insisted. It’s called a ‘Sip and See’. You either get gifts at the baby shower or the sip and see, not both. But the Sip and See was a way for all the members of the family and your mother’s friends to come to Vulcan and make a fuss over you when you were completely oblivious. You slept through it all. It was the most illogical party I ever went to. But it made your mother happy.”

“Is this the sip and see?”

“No, this is your friends coming over. You will have to discuss with your wife when the other arrangement is.” 

Spock frowned. He would have to ask Jim if they could go flying in the computer room so he could tell Nyota he was unable to attend the ‘sip and see’. This was getting too overwhelming.

“Where is Amanda?” asked Sarek.

“Nyota just put her in her room. You might go see her if you keep silent,” said Spock.

Sarek nodded and left for Amanda’s room.

“May I offer you a refreshment, Nesa?” said Spock. “We have a variety of food and refreshments. We are serving cake and coffee in the kitchen.”

“I am satisfied. Sarek seems to act irrationally around Amanda. I do not know when we will venture home.”

Spock swallowed hard. “Is the Enterprise unpleasant?”

“No. Surely you know with Vulcan destroyed so much needs to be done. As an Ambassador to Earth, your father has a duty to his people.”

“Has he no duty to Amanda or me?”

“Spock,” cried Bones from the living room. “I am putting this toy together for Amanda and this thing-a-mi-bob won’t go into the doo-dad right.”

“Excuse me,” said Spock, walking calmly into the living room. “Lenord, stop calling everything you do not understand a ‘thing-a-mi-bob’ and a ‘doo-dad’. Call it technology if you must.”

“Well this piece of technology is supposed to go into this piece of technology and it won’t!”

“Did you turn it on?”

“Yes, I turned it on!”

“It’s off now.” Spock took the technology from Bones, and hit a couple of buttons. The base fired up, and a slot opened allowing for the tower with lights to be put in. Rolling his eyes, Bones handed Spock the tower with the bulbs on it and Spock popped the tower in. The machine began to spin and sing, changing colors as it did. It was a mesmerizing little machine and perfect for a baby. Spock decided that Amanda would like the sounds and colors.

“You didn’t turn it on,” stated Spock.

“Shut up.” After a moment, Lenord said, “Hey, ignore her, your dad is not going to vanish out of your life.”

“I’m trying to.”

“If you start getting a headache, drink some water, and go get away from the noise. Or go watch Amanda sleep. She’s so cute.”

Spock nodded and went to get some water from the kitchen.

“Spock,” said Jim, eating a piece of cake.. “You gotta eat some of this cake. I am eating a rabbit’s face.”

“I am not hungry. And you have icing on your mouth.”

“Damn,” said Kirk trying to lick it off and being unsuccessful.

“Here,” said Spock, handing him a napkin. “Stop doing that. You look like you have the Intelligence Quotient less than seventy.”

Kirk wiped his face. “Stop calling me retarded. Eat some cake. Come on.”

“I feel unwell.”

“Because of your stepmom? Screw her. Have you eaten at all today? You're going to go on sick leave if you don't keep your sugar up."

“If I eat I will vomit.”

“Then drink a cola. Don’t pass out again.”

Spock reluctantly grabbed a sugary drink, and took a sip. It settled his stomach, so he took another sip. 

“I don’t understand. I just had a daughter. Why are my symptoms back?”

“Spock,” whispered Jim, “just say it out loud. You wish your mom was here instead of Nesa.”

“It’s worse than that,” whispered Spock, “I wish my mother was never on Vulcan. Then she wouldn’t have died. I wish I wasn’t Vulcan!”

“How long have you felt like this?” came a voice by the kitchen entrance.

Spock and Jim looked over to reveal Sarek standing in the entryway.


	44. Chapter 44

“Okay Bones, time to go,” said Jim.

“I’m not done with the kid’s doodad,” said Bones.

“Spock will fix it. Let's go.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I will tell you when we leave,” said Jim talking through his teeth. “Bye everyone,” he said aloud.

“You leaving?” asked Nyota, coming out of Amanda’s room. “I just got her down. I could hang out.”

“Sorry, we got to go,” said Jim.

“We can stay,” said Bones.

“We got to go,” said Jim.

“Are you ashamed of the Vulcan race, Spock?” asked Nesa.

“Will you look at the time,” said Bones. “Let’s go.” Kirk and Bones got up and started heading towards the front door of the apartment. 

“You two are going to stay here and support him!” yelled Nyota.

“Okay,” the both said, and traipsed back to the table where Bones was putting the machine together.

“Spock,” said Sarek. “Please, speak your mind.”

“That is unwise,” said Spock.

“What is necessary, is never unwise, my son,” said Sarek.

“You're doing it wrong,” Spock finally said to Bones.

“Just drink your cola and leave me alone!” snapped Bones.

Putting down his cola, Spock took another part of the toy that they had gotten Amanda, and began to put it together so it could be attached to the base. No one said anything for a while, as Spock was thinking of how to communicate his emotions. Finally Spock snapped the parts together, and the machine whirled.

“I knew how to do that,” said Bones. 

Finally, Spock whispered, “Being a child of two races has always made me feel conflicted. To obey one, I must disobey the other. I was simply observing had my parents both been human, or both Vulcan, my conflict would go away. I meant no disrespect.”

“You said you did not want to be Vulcan,” said Sarek. “Having the choice to be fully human, that is what you would choose?”

Spock nodded.

“Why?”

Spock shook his head.

“Spock, I am not angry, I am just… concerned. Why would you want to turn your back on the Vulcan race completely?”

“The Vulcans were cruel to mother,” said Spock, “and me.”

“You are referring to the attempts to elicit an emotional response in you when you were a child,” said Sarek. “Spock, you were intelligent for your age and placed in two age levels above your age group. The children felt threatened by this and targeted you on the subject of emotional upheaval. I explained that to you when it was happening, so did your mother.”

“I still hate them,” whispered Spock.

Sarek eyes furrowed. He never knew that Spock could hate anyone. It was not in his nature. For him to have a festering hate for all Vulcans because of a comment that enraged him when he was an eleven-year-old on Vulcan and Spock beat up his fourteen year old bully for tormenting him was illogical. Unless…

“Spock,” said Serek. “Did you lie to me?”

“It is illogical to lie.”

“When you were emotionally compromised that day at school, you told me that they insulted me.”

“They did.”

“Who else did they insult?”

“I don’t remember.”

“Spock.”

“They said I had no place in the universe because I am neither human nor Vulcan.”

Sarek knew Spock did not make that up, but even being told that he was worthless was not the key to Spock anger, although it may be the key to Spock’s depression. The older children had to say something that angered Spock to the point of physical violence on that day, and hatred for the species all these years later. What would get Spock so angry that he would turn his back on the Vulcan race? 

“On the day you appeared before the ministers to enter into the Vulcan Science Academy,” mussed Sarek. “You were honored to be accepted into the Academy, but you declined when Minister Stres called your mother a ‘disadvantage’. The day when you loss command of the Enterprise, Kirk was attacking your relationship with your mother. You did not attack that boy because he said something about me. What did he call your mother?”

“Irrelevant.”

“Spock.”

“A whore,” Spock whispered.

Sarek blinked and stepped back for a minute. So many thoughts went through his mind. If his son was hearing those kinds of words at school, was Amanda right? Was it logical for him to go to a place of such torment everyday? Was he a fool for making a half human child be subjected to such ridicule? Also, here they were seventeen years later and Spock still believes that if he shows emotions he will be subjected to ridicule and torment, even when he is among friends! Even when a doctor has prescribed therapy! Perhaps it is logical for Spock to resent the fact that he was raised Vulcan.

The final thought running through his mind was his Amanda, his beloved Amanda. That was what the children were taught about her. She was not a harlot. If anything he was the harlot. She lived among the Vulcans for over twenty-eight years. She said she could live with the names and the looks and stares, but what did he make her live with. She never let on. 

Tears pricked Sarek's eyes and he thought of what he did to his family, making them live on Vulcan. He swallowed them, and actually felt peace for once that Amanda was away from the Vulcan community, and Spock was surrounded by human friends who loved him. He was also grateful that Spock’s friends seemed to rejoice in little Amanda, a hybrid baby, instead of shaming her.

“Father?” asked Spock.

“It was wrong to lie, Spock,” said Sarek.

“I know.”

“We are leaving in the morning. I am glad Amanda is here.”

Sarek and Nesa walked out of the apartment, leaving Spock feeling numb.


	45. Chapter 45

Amanda was crying, and Spock and Nyota both moaned to get up.

“No go back to bed,” said Nyota, “I got it.”

Spock slumped down in bed, and tried to close his eyes.

“Spock!” cried a Vulcan teenager.

“I assume you have new insults for me today,” said the young Spock.

“Affirmative.”

“This is your thirty-fifth attempt to elicit a human emotion in me.”

Sen, the big one, pushed Spock. “He’s a traitor, you know, for marrying her, the human whore.”

Spock screamed.

“You never loved her!” said Kirk.

Spock screamed again.

Spock sat up in bed, and rubbed the sleepy out of his eyes. Getting up, he went to go check on Nyota and Amanda. Amanda wasn't crying anymore, and Spock could hear the music coming from her room. He entered and Nyota was in the rocking chair rocking Amanda, and giving her a bottle. Amanda was awake, but her eyes were drooping back to sleep, and Spock smiled at Amanda’s beautiful countenance.

“She will be out in a minute,” whispered Nyota. “You can go back to bed.”

“I’ll wait,” said Spock.

Amanda finished the bottle, and then fell asleep almost immediately. Nyota tucked her in bed and covered her loosely with the blankets, and she and Spock went back to bed. Nyota got in bed and laid on her side to look at Spock, as he got on his side.

“Are you okay?” she asked. “What happened today?”

“We had a party to celebrate the birth of our child. It was highly illogical.”

“Spock. You and Nesa got into an argument, and then you and your dad got into it.”

“We weren’t ‘getting into it’, which I assume by my conversation with Bones that meant having an argument.”

“Yes.”

Spock sighed, “Nesa wants to go back to New Vulcan tomorrow.”

“Why?”

“She has no emotional attachment to Amanda or I, and she feels that my father has duties there.”

“What a bitch.”

“Furthermore, I told Jim that I wished I wasn't Vulcan and my father overheard it.”

“Woah.”

“That commenced the whole conversation we had in the living room in front of you.”

“Yeah how old were you when they talked about your mom?”

“I was teased the entire time I was in school from when I was four until when I was twenty. Less so when I was twenty because we were more mature, but still. The incident when I lost my temper and attacked someone happened when I was eleven.”

“Did they tease you after you were eleven?”

“It got worse.”

“Oh, Spock. Why didn’t you ever tell your parents?”

“That I hit someone because they called my mother a ‘whore’, what is the logic in that?”

“They could have taken you out of school.”

“That is admitting defeat.”

“Spock, you have a very mild temperament until something inside you snaps and then you are a very violent person. And you know that. And your response to that was, not to feel anything at all. I am not Bones, and I am not a psychiatrist, but I guarantee you a lot of that stems from those kids at school. You want so desperately to be Vulcan that you are getting yourself sick.”

“That’s illogical.”

“Yeah Spock. You are being illogical.”

“You misunderstand, a childhood trauma could not affect a psyche that much unless it was more severe.” 

“Spock, three older boys came and harassed you thirty five times during the course of how long?”

“An academic year.”

“Spock that is every two weeks!”

“It was randomized.”

“Spock, being told that you are not a valid being at random once every two weeks can take a psychological toll. It’s like Kirk growing up in an abusive household. It’s not a server but you know, it’s bad.”

“You went to school,” said Spock, “Weren’t you teased?”

“Of course, but I was teased because I had the wrong Barbie, or the wrong speeder.”

Spock looked at her, trying to figure out what she meant.

“Mom and dad didn’t have a lot of money until after me and my sister moved out. I got a lot of hand-me-down stuff. I went to StarFleet on a scholarship.”

“You never told me this.”

“It never really bothered me. It bothered my sister a lot. Mom and dad have made money now, and I am taken care of with StarFleet, so it is all a moot point.” She sighed. “I know I didn’t get told I wasn’t the right species to be alive, but I was told I wasn’t good enough. Kirk and Bones were too by his father. And Sulu has a story for you if you are ever brave enough to ask.”

“None of you do not seem to be having trouble.”

“Spock your mom died last year, and your stepmom is the exact race and mannerism of the people you are trying to avoid. None of us are going through that at the moment.”

Spock sighed, and ran his fingers through his hair. A very human action, but it was precisely 2:54 in the morning and he really was so tired of acting Vulcan. “I’ll see my father and Nesa off in the morning, and I will see if Lenord can schedule me another session.”


	46. Chapter 46

“Ambassador, it was our pleasure having you on the ship,” said Jim.

“You have a beautiful ship, Captain Kirk. It is most admirable,” said Sarek.

“Thank you, sir.”

“Three years and it is officially yours?”

“Yes sir.”

“Time will pass quickly. Best to enjoy your missions.”

“Thank you sir, I will.”

Nyota was there holding Amanda. Sarek came up, and lightly rubbed Amanda’s head, not waking her. 

“I have found, Nyota, that there is no perfect age in child rearing,” he said. “Everyday will bring something new and exciting, troubles and triumphs. But keep the best in memory and replay them often. The physical items of this world are easily lost.”

“Thank you, Sir. I want you to come when Amanda is older, and take her to New Vulcan,” said Nyota.

“Yes, I would enjoy that immensely,” said Sarek. He turned to Spock who was standing next to Nyota and gave the Vulcan salute. “If you require anything, Son.”

“Thank you, Father,” said Spock, giving the salute back.

The two men did not say that they loved each other, for they had never said the words explicitly but Spock felt a rush of affection when he looked into his father’s eyes before he and Nesa turned to get on the transport. Spock remembered when once there was a time love went unsaid in his household, so he thought it was non-existent. But now he knew the truth, it was so obvious, that it did not need to be said, and his mother felt it too, daily. Although he and Nyota had decided that they would express this love explicitly to Amanda, there was something unique about the implicit love the Spock, Sarek, and Amanda, his mother, shared. It was like they talked in code to one another, never saying the word “love” but always meaning it. Spock may have been tormented as a child by bullies, but he knew what it meant to be loved and kept safe in a home, and he would provide it for his daughter.

The transport left, and everyone waived except for Nyota who was holding Amanda, and Spock, realizing not because it was illogical, but because his father knew that Spock would miss him implicitly.

“Amanda say goodbye to…” said Nyota. “Oh no. We forgot to ask what he wants to be called.”

“Grandfather,” said Spock. Somehow he knew that implicitly too.

* * *

“Okay,” said Bones. “You want to go through what happened this week?”

“I suppose the most logical sequence of events is chronologically,” said Spock.

“Sure.”

“Amanda is here.”

“Yep.”

“She’s beautiful.”

“Healthy, safe, and Nyota had a safe delivery. Can't ask for much more.”

“My father came.”

“Yeah. How did that make you feel?’

“He wants to be involved. I feel happy.”

“Great Spock.”

“Everything was fine until the party.”

“So what happened?”

“My father had found out that I had lied as a child.”

“What else?”

“My father overheard me say that I wish I wasn’t Vulcan.”

“Where do you want to start?”

“Irrelevant.”

“Let's keep with chronological events. Your father overheard you say you wish you weren’t Vulcan. Do you know how long I have been waiting to hear you say that?”

“Lenord!”

“Okay. Okay. How long have you been feeling like this?”

“It’s been off and on my whole life. It has been pretty consistent since I found out about Amanda.”

“You are taking steps to not be Vulcan.”

“No. I am taking steps to become more human. However, more recently, I am thinking about turning my back on the Vulcan race.” 

“Why do you want to do that? I fully support you, but I think we need to talk about the underlying issue.”

“There is no underlying issue.”

“Sure there is.”

“I don’t want to talk about this.”

“Spock, I’m not going to hurt you.”

Spock sighed, “The Vulcans called my father a traitor, and my mother… and my mother a whore. And I heard that, or a variation of that, every day from when I was seven years old until I was twenty in an attempt to elicit an emotional response from me. I don’t want any part of that society, and I don’t want Amanda to have any part of that society either,” creid Spock. By the time he was finished he was so angry his fists were shaking and he looked like he was going to jump out of the chair and get into a fight. 

“Okay, take a deep breath. You're not on Vulcan. You're not seven. No one is trying to elicit anything from you. Breathe Spock. Calm yourself down.”

Spock breathed and relaxed into the chair. “What’s happening to me?”

“You have had no sleep. You are still recovering physically from earlier in the year. And a whole bunch of stuff that you have buried from childhood is getting brought up. I mean this is past you learning how to feel, you are kind of turning your back on the past twenty-nine years of your life. This is going to be emotional.”

“I am on Cortisol. Shouldn’t that render these emotions moot?”

“Cortisol helps you not have physical symptoms when you are grieving the loss of your mother and your planet. It gets your appetite back, helps you fall asleep, keeps nightmares away. It doesn’t magically erase what happened to you.”

“I want to be on full duty.”

“Hell no.”

“I haven't been in Sick Bay for five months. What possible reason do you have?”

“Spock, you have a newborn, who is not even a month old. Stay home and help Nyota out. Her maternity leave ends in a few weeks. That is going to be hard for her. Sitting at a desk for eight hours while some stranger takes care of the baby. If you are still on light duty, it will make her feel better.”

“I will do my duty as a First Officer,” said Spock.

“God, you're stubborn. Okay, full medical exam, and I mean blood work-up. If that comes back alright, and I feel like it is a good idea, you can return to full duty. But you report to me twice a week. Once for a physical exam and once for Cortisol shot and therapy.”

“That is… human word...overkill.”

“Passed out from low blood sugar because you were starving yourself, seizure, flu,” Bones counted on his fingers. “In less than a quarter.”

“A year ago.”

“I’m the doctor, I make the rules. Exams, shots, and therapy or you stay on light duty.”

“Very well.”


	47. Chapter 47

Spock passed his first physical. He was fit and ready to work, he just wasn’t very well rested, which Bones attributed to having a baby. Bones filled out the form that Spock was fit for full duty, provided he stayed under a doctor’s care, and Spock took the form on a datapad, and practically skipped to the bridge, he was so happy.

When he got to the bridge, he saw everyone, except for Nyota, who was still in their apartment with Amanda.

“Permission to come aboard,” asked Spock.

“Commander,” said Jim, “Come on.”

Spock walked up to where Jim was sitting in the Captain's chair and just let a cheshire grin spread across his face.

“What are you so happy about?” asked Jim.

Spock handed his report to Jim, who looked at it.

“Bones released you?”

“On certain conditions.”

“Such as?”

“I have to continue with the therapeutic dialogue and I must have regular examinations for the time being to make sure I am not regressing.”

Jim grinned, “So, you can go on away missions?”

“Yes.”

“Good cause I want to check this planet out, but there was no way in hell I was going without you. Have a seat, Mr. Spock,” said Jim. Once Spock was at his station, Jim turned to the helmsman, “Mr. Sulu, do you remember the planet I wanted to explore about three months ago, but Bones wouldn’t go on it without Spock.”

“Yes, sir,” said Sulu.

“Let’s go there.”

“Setting course for we-are-all-going-to-die-cause-the-captian’s-crazy. The course laid in, Captain.”

“I did not appreciate that, Sulu.”

Sulu grinned.

“Punch it,” said Jim.

* * *

**Eleven Years Later**

Amanda was laughing in the water on New Vulcan that surrounded her grandfather’s house. Like her father, she was most interested in the science of living things, particularly bugs and rocks since she had so much access to them on her grandfather’s estate. At the age of almost eleven, she was already very bright for her age, even by Vulcan standards.

Her mother and father were actually on a mission to Vulcan to help her grandfather out with a Vulcan assignment. Grandfather was very sick, and Daddy was mind-melding with him to make him better. Everyone was whispering about an anniversary, but Amanda did not know if it was the anniversary of the destruction of Vulcan or something more specifically having to do with her grandmother, her namesake. She was scared to ask because it made her Daddy very sad when she did. She decided to ask Bones or Jim. They did not lie because she was young, and they would help her know what to do to make Daddy feel better. It would probably be music, or math, or the computer room. Those always made him happy.

“Got ya!” cried someone, and Amanda was lifted up into the air. She squealed in delight, as her father pulled her in tight and walked closer to her grandfather’s estate. On the porch, her step-grandmother cocked her head, unsure why they were laughing or why Spock found it amusing to sneak up on his daughter, but neither Spock nor Amanda paid her any mind. 

“What have you been doing, Rabbit?” asked Spock.

“I was exploring the water, Daddy, but I need a tricorder.”

Spock laughed, “You do? Well, we will have to get your mother for that.”

“Is grandfather better?”

“I think so.”

“What is wrong with him?”

“It is difficult to explain. When Vulcan’s feel sad and they feel sad for a long time, they can have a weakened immune system and that makes them sick.”

“Is he sad because he misses Grandma Amanda?”

“Yes, Rabbit.”

“What will make him better?”

“I don’t know. What made me better was having you.”

“You were sad?”

“Yes.”

“I found this rock. I do not know how to classify it.”

“Well, let’s see. It has an interesting hue and shape and density. What does it remind you of?”

“Mommy’s necklace. Is it Vulkaya?”

“Yes.”

“I want to put it in my collection,” she said as Spock put her down.

“Go show it to Grandfather first,” said Spock.

“Yes, Daddy.”

Amanda walked inside, past her grandmother, and said, “Look Grandmother, I found Vulkaya.”

Nesa looked at the stone and the child and said, “Vulkaya is prevalent here. But you found an admirable stone. Perhaps it could be fashioned into a necklace like your mother’s. I can take you to the jeweler tomorrow and we will see.”

Amanda wrapped her little arms around Nesa’s waist. “Thank you, Grandmother.” Then she skipped off to go see Sarek in bed.

“Thank you,” said Nyota, who overheard the conversation in the living room.

“Every little girl should have a piece of her heritage in a memorable form,” said Nesa. “It reminds us of who we are. It is most logical.”

Nyota smiled and went back to reading on her datapad McCoy’s notes about Spock to see if they could help with Sarek.

Amanda ventured into her grandfather’s room and walked up to him. She thought he may be sleeping, but he was sitting up and reading a book.

“What are you reading?” she asked.

“Alice in wonderland,” said Sarek. “Your grandmother read it to your father so he could learn how to read. It reminds me of her.”

“Reading is hard, my letters get messed up,” said Amanda. “It’s because my brain is wrong.”

“No, your brain is not wrong,” said Sarek. “You have Vulcan and human hormones at the same time and the creates the sensation of seeing letters backward. Your father has the same thing, and look how brilliant he is. He graduated top of his class, at everything. In fact, he learned how to read out of this very book. Come up here.”

Amanda climbed into bed with her grandfather and he wrapped his arm around her.

“Chapter One,” said Sarek, “Down the Rabbit Hole. Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting…”


End file.
